A New Way Home

Her eyes met mine, and I could tell she felt deep sorrow and worry for me. We had been friends for years as we had worked in the same office for a long while and had gone to the same med school. The irony of it made me unable to hold in a snort of laughter. “I am afraid the cancer has progressed to stage three. We will need to talk about how long you have left,” Doctor Shane said this as tears fell down her face. “Allison,” I said, “It’s just cancer, I am still me, and I will fight this.” Truth was, I felt nothing. I just didn’t want to see my friend worried about my life. The rest of what she said all kind of blended together. “Be smart, Amy. I love you so much, and I am here for you.” “I love you too, Al. I should get home to catch the end of the game though.” She asked me if I needed a ride. It was raining, but I opted out. I wasn’t sure how many more times I would see the rain.

On the way home, I could taste the salty rain coming from above. The streets of New York City were alive (more so than me) with loud city noises, the billboards showing events I would never be able to attend, the conversations of late-night partiers heard from miles away, the loud footsteps on the pavement, and the rhythmic drums of the homeless. I wanted to explore, find love, make new friends, and get outside the doctor world for the time being. I wanted to restart, and I needed to stop being so afraid.

The morning after the news, I called my parents. I told them I needed to explore. They were very reluctant, not wanting me to leave them, and all three of us very well knew it may be our last conversation. I told them I was twenty-seven years old and needed the opportunity to make my own decisions. After much convincing, they gave in, but I could feel the gulp of fear and regret in both of their voices.

I went into the office to drop off my things. I told them I was sorry, but it was time for me to move on. “Call us, will you please?” Alex asked me. I said of course, even though we both knew the real answer. I just couldn’t hit my friends that way. There was an emergency in room eight that they all had to go to, so our talk was short, but, oh, would I miss them.

It wasn’t until I started packing that I realized I didn’t have much. I had a few shirts and pants, a hairbrush for my long messy blonde hair, makeup, and a few other necessities, but other than that, I really didn’t have much. I decided to shove it all in a big backpack and hit the streets. The familiar New York City streets felt much less familiar. I could still hear the laughter and screams of others, taste the smell of the pizza and hotdog stands down on Towns Square. There were people dressed as Spiderman, King Kong, and many other things that I would never quite understand, but it still felt unusual.

I was getting ready to leave the one place I had always known. I was getting ready to leave my home. My life. I took a circuitous trip to the subway station because I wasn't certain that leaving was the right decision, but it was time. If I didn’t leave, then I knew I never would have. I decided to take the subway to New Jersey, which happened to be just a dirtier version of New York, but it was still different. I had never been there.

As soon as I got there, I decided to get a little pick-me-up. I went to Starbucks, and as I was ordering, I felt speechless. There was a man with shaggy blonde hair. He may have been a few years younger than me, but he was the most handsome man I had ever seen. He had great posture, and his voice was so soothing. It sounded like a voice from one of those meditation videos. He had the longest eyelashes, and a smile that was able to brighten up the whole store. He had paper-white skin, but he could pull it off. His eyes were a shade of brown I had never seen before.

“Asher,” he said in a loud whisper. I replied with confusion, “No, my name is Amy.” He let out a little laugh. I felt my face get red, but he could see it too and reassured me. What would you like? You, I thought. “Umm, can I please have a Grande white chocolate mocha latte please?” His smile grew wide, “My favorite,” he replied.

I decided to take a risk. Something I would never dare to do if I wasn’t dying. “What time do you get off?” “Oh, I get off in about thirty minutes, why do you ask?” I told him I was new to town and wanted someone to show me around. “Oh well, I uh…” I was so embarrassed, my face was flushed and I could feel the tears of embarrassment about to pass through the corner of my eye. “No,” he began. “It's not that, it is just my friends and I were going to see a movie, but you could come with us and then I could show you around town after that. How does that sound?” I told him it sounded great.

I ran to grab a taxi and take my stuff to a hotel. He and his friends picked me up at seven o'clock. It was the night of my life. In the car, we were all singing songs from Glee. His friends' names were Maxwell, Susie, and Erin. Maxwell was a cute brunette who worked as a veterinarian downtown. Susie and Erin were married, but they were the cutest couple I had ever seen. “So, were you and Maxwell together?” I asked Asher. He let out his contagious laugh. “No. Not in the slightest bit. He and his girlfriend had been together since like the eighth grade.” I sighed with relief. “Don’t worry.” He smiled and gave me a wink.

We decided to all go to a rerun of La La Land. I could feel Ashers fingers inching towards mine on the armrest. I decided to go for it, and I grabbed his hand. We sat like that for the rest of the movie. After the movie, his friends dispersed and he began showing me around town. There was not much to look at, but I enjoyed his company.

“Your friends are really sweet,” I began. He interrupted me, “They are your friends too now.” “Asher, I think I should tell you something. This night has been the best night I may have ever had bu-""Me too,” He softly replied. I started to say, “Don’t tell anyone, but,” he leaned towards me and put his finger over my mouth forcing me to stop talking, and then before I knew it I fell to the ground. I didn’t remember much after that.

I woke up in a hospital room. I could faintly hear the doctors talking. They were asking if they knew. Ashers soft voice replied with oblivion. They must have told him about the cancer because I heard a sharp yelp. Everything was so fuzzy. I heard fast-paced footsteps. I could hardly see, but above me were my parents. My mom's tears ran down her face. One of them dropped on my forehead as my dad wiped it away. I could hear Alex and Allison talking. I could hear regret in their voice. Then I felt someone grab my hand. It was Asher. “I wish you would have told us.” I somehow managed to let out the word us, very confused. I cleared my eyes a little bit, and I saw all of his friends in the room with us. I looked in Alex and Allison's eyes and I could tell they realized I got what I wanted. My parents could tell that I had a good day. I had never been happier. Everyone I cared about was in the room. I smiled as they all slowly faded away.