Apathy

Trigger warning: This story contains a character dealing with troubled mental health, mention of self-harm, and thoughts/ plans of suicide. If any of these are triggering or you don't want to read about them, I'd advise against reading this. For those who are okay with this, you can continue.

Apathy:

ap·a·thy

noun

lack of interest, enthusiasm, or concern.

“You don’t have to stay behind every time. You could always just leave. What would he do to you anyways? It’s not like he’s in control of you, you are your own person. Right?”

He softly nodded but didn’t speak, knowing that if he did, the other across the table would know something was wrong. “Then prove it to him,” he could feel the being smirk. “Prove that you’re not his servant, that you won’t always be here when he decides to come home. It’s not like he’d notice anyways.”

Then why? “He’s bound to at some point, right? You’re supposed to be his brother, but even the Torukas have noticed that he’s treated you worse than them. That he does treat you worse than the Kurokas.” Electric blue eyes glanced at the far end of the table, seeing the other kingdom’s king and their council. This was supposed to be a simple dinner to get the two kingdoms on peaceful terms before the annual races, along with figuring out the roster for this year as well.

“You know no one would notice if you left, right?” Another subtle nod, “Then why not leave? It’s not like they need you here, you’ve always had a spot on the roster. He’s ensured that, even if it's just so that he could beat you into submission.” His shoulders lightly hitched at that, but he was quick to relax them, carefully glancing around to make sure no one noticed.

“Don’t worry, soon you’ll be able to sneak away.” A few minutes later, everyone had finished eating and agreed on heading outside to see the karts and check everything over. He lagged and was able to sneak away, hiding behind the door to the back area where all the karts were. Blue eyes watched and waited, but when no one seemed to notice he was gone, he snuck back to his room in the castle. 

He knew they wouldn’t notice, but it still hurt to see that his thoughts were grounded in reality.

~~

“Where’s your brother?” The red 'knight’ looked around but didn’t spot his twin “Huh. He might’ve gotten overwhelmed. He’s-a has never been good in big crowds.” Some of the Torukas agreed but others were hesitant but agreed nonetheless. 

It wasn’t much of a surprise, seeing how even the Kurokas knew how skittish he was. Though, the way he reacted to certain things was worrying. Random flinches, always apologizing, always seeming hungry but hardly eating. And then, there were the bruises that were seen, but only glimpses every now and then. It was strange, but no one decided to bring it up. Not after the first time a Toruka had asked Luis about it. Because he just shut down afterward. Not a word was spoken, didn’t dare glance up and he was more careful to keep his wrists covered after. 

And, like petals in the wind, theories started flying around the Kurokaras kingdom, and then the Sauronda kingdom, the Beothian kingdom, and even the penguins started talking about it. And yet, it was the Kuroka kingdom that brought up the idea of abuse. No one was sure which Kuroka brought up the idea, but, after some investigating, it made sense. The signs were there, but neither brother said anything so no one else did either. They were both adults, they would talk if anything was happening.

~~

“C’mon Lui! You’ve gotta be hot in that thing!” He lightly smiled and shook his head, “It’s alright. Besides, I’m-a always cold. I-a don’t mind just watching you all playing with the water balloons.” Two of the Kurokalings looked towards the green twin, then shared a look and smirked. 

He watched as the others threw water balloons at each other, everyone waiting for the race to be finished setting up. Even Joshua was relaxing, laying in the water of the beach with his shell above, his kids running around and throwing the most balloons towards whoever they could reach. Luis himself was just sitting under the shade of a rather large rock with a cooler beside him, ready to hand out water bottles if needed. 

He had taken his hat off and started fanning himself, but he knew he couldn't risk the foundation running off. He had run out of the waterproof stuff two days ago and the store hadn’t been able to restock yet. He closed his eyes and leaned against the rock, letting the sound of the waves and surprised screams and laughs lull him into somewhat safety.

Everyone seemed to notice the two Kurokalings slowly making their way towards the green twin, some stopping to watch when they noticed that each had two water balloons, all four looking like they were ready to burst due to being overfilled. A few snickered at the thought of the other getting wet after being very adamant about not joining the water balloon war.

He was hit with four balloons almost simultaneously, knocking his head against the rock and soaking him in seconds. He coughed and started wiping the water off, parts of the broken plastic landing in his eyes. Some laughed at the prank, some snorted and others chuckled. Daisy gave a playful glare at the two pranksters as they ran to hide behind their dad.

She shook her head and went towards her friend as he curled up, still rubbing his eyes to try and rid them of the plastic and water. Once close enough, she spotted the bruise on his cheek, the other on his forehead, and the bruising around his other eye.  She gasped and pulled his hands away, blue eyes trying and failing to spot who was holding his arms.

He tried to pull them away, tried to get them to let go. She groaned, “Luis. Stop it, I’m trying to help here.” He froze, eyes squeezed shut as he knew she saw. Others had reacted to the gasp, some rushing over to help, or to see what had surprised her so badly. Other gasps were heard in the silence and someone told another to get a nurse as fast as they could. 

Joshua looked up as well, eyebrows furrowed as he was able to see the other's profile perfectly, seeing how large the bruise around his eye truly was. He stood up and headed over to the two, opening the cooler and pulling out a cold water bottle. He held it against the bruise, not saying a thing as Daisy started on the questions instead. 

All he answered was with accidents that happened but everyone who saw them had suspicions. Especially the Toruka nurse, but he still held to his story of tripping and falling down a rocky hill. She was quick to pull out some eye drops, and then two more water bottles for the other bruises. 

She sighed, “There’s not much else I can do except to say to be careful. If you bruise this badly from a simple fall, then you really need to be careful.” He nodded and put one of the bottles back, “I-I know. I have some bruise cream back home to help them fade, I’ll be fine.”

Everyone slowly scurried off back to the water balloon battle, everyone except Joshua for some reason. He still held the bottle against the bruised eye, “it wasn’t an accident. Was it?”

The other blue eye glanced at him, then looked down as he pulled his knees closer to himself. “Why would you say that?” The Kuroka king scoffed, “You’re known for being overly cautious. You ‘falling down a mountain’ doesn’t fit, so tell the truth. It wasn’t an accident.”

After a moment of silence, red eyes watched as the human slowly shook his head and curled further into himself. “Who did it?” The other flinched at the question, “I-it’s not important. Besides, it's better that I took the hit.” “Why?”

“I have to.” “Why you?” “Because if not then it means that all of the damage I got isn't good damage.” He looked towards the ‘beast’, “You’re not the only one with anger issues.” Electric blue eyes looked back towards the group, “you just have a harder time controlling them than others.”

Red eyes followed his gaze, watching as the red twin got hit with a balloon at his chest. Anger was quick to replace the very little worry he had, and he was really wanting to go and punch the other into the sand. A gloved hand was quick to stop him, holding his wrist that held the water bottle. He looked back towards the human, then sighed and relaxed back against the rock.

“Why haven’t you told anyone?” “Why should it matter?” The Kuroka scoffed, “You’re an idiot.” The laughs and screams overshadowed their small conversation, leaving only the two to know. “Can you keep it a secret?”

The taller being glanced at the other, “Only if you do something for me.” He watched the other hesitate before looking at him, silently asking what it was. “You call me any time he gets violent. Abuse is abuse no matter who’s doing it or what the reason was.” Red eyes watched as the only fine blue eye welded with tears, before leaning against him and using his hat to hide the tears falling. He felt the other nod, a silent promise to do as asked. “Even if I have to kidnap you, I ain’t gonna let that happen again.”

He felt the other lightly chuckle, either thinking it was a joke or knowing that he’d do it and just imagining how it would go.

~~

It was before the races that the Kuroka watched the green plumber be pulled away with his shorter brother. But he kept a watchful eye, just in case something happened and he'd have to step in to help. 

Gord forbid he'd actually hit him in front of the cameras. Markus was quick to pull his brother away the first chance he got, smiling and acting like he was just gonna chat with him. But Luis knew better, he's known better from the moment his arm was grabbed with a grip that looked soft but bruised him instantly.

Once the two were inside the building and in the men's bathroom, Markus pinned him to the wall, “What was that? At the beach?”

The other, even though taller, shrunk into himself, to be shorter than his older twin. “I-I ran out of the water-proof stuff, the store didn’t h-have any more. I did bring my makeup, though.” The other huffed and relaxed a bit, “good.” He patted the other’s shoulder, “Good. Just keep them hidden, we don’t need a reason for anyone to think you’re injured.”

He nodded, not daring to look up at his brother, not until the other left the room. Luis sighed and relaxed against the wall, falling to sit down on the floor. He knows that his brother does care, just that he does it in an unhealthy way. It's best if their enemies don’t know that he’s injured or they’d try to take advantage of him. That’s what Markus meant, he just wanted to protect him. Right? 

Right?

~~

It was only days later that he was seen working on his motorbike, checking the suspension, and making sure it was properly fueled. He was known own for being overly cautious and so this was expected.  This was a routine he grew used to; just being seen in passing as the overly cautious brother to his twin's fiery go-getter attitude. Just his twin's shadow, helping in the background, barely noticed or remembered.

Marcus waved him over a little farther away from the other racers, but still in the garage. He took a breath but headed over, knowing that he wouldn't ruin his reputation of being the ‘best big brother’ in front of others. Especially not with Princess Penelope and Daisy so close by. “Could you place between fourth and eighth instead of third and seventh?”

Record scratch. Wait, what? His smile twitched but was forced to stay. He knew that his brother wasn’t really looking at him, he was looking behind him. Through him, towards Penelope. Like he wasn’t even there.

And, Luis was okay with this. It was like this before they came here and it didn't seem like there was any way to change it. And why would he? The darkness of the world was his safe haven, his quiet place. Being ignored was basically his signature. beside's his twin's shadow. 

He nodded and his twin gave his shoulder a pat before heading back to the princess he was head over heels in love for but never said anything about it. Even though everyone, even those who didn’t live in the kingdom could tell that they liked each other.

The races began around midday, and he was somewhere in the middle of the lineup, and throughout the races, there he stayed.  The only thing setting him apart was the pair of headphones that could be seen covering his ears and hidden under his hat that kept his hair from flying with the wind.

He placed just shy of fourth place, and he was okay with that. He was overlooked again, and he was okay with that. The party at the end of the week was full of people and yet, he still felt so alone. Like he was just a shadow people never really focused on. 

And he was okay with that. No, you’re not. 

No, but that’s okay. A single tear fell into his glass of wine. They don’t care, and that’s okay. No, it’s not. 

Then what would you do? 

I don’t know.

Then it’s okay. No. it’s not. We can’t make it okay. But, we can make it go away.

He looked down at the glass, at least for a short while. Seven glasses later and he was alone on the balcony, the doors open but no one else seemed to notice him there as he let the alcohol hit with five more glasses sitting untouched on a small table nearby. He downed three more and let the sounds fade into the background.

The stars showed bright above the castle and a clear sky with no clouds in sight. Do you think it’d hurt? Blue eyes glanced down at the ground seven stories below. Probably not. He heard how twin’s laughter over the buzz, but we can try on a different night.

Yeah, too many witnesses. One might catch on before we’d even be able to climb over the railing. We could always say we were sitting on the edge. And risk them spotting the five glasses, then ask how many we’ve had before? 

Midnight, our room. No, midnight but outside the castle. It’d be too late for them to stop us.  Yeah, he nursed another glass as he glanced back at his twin. But, not tonight. Let them be happy for just a little bit longer. Just a little longer, even though it's killing us inside.

And that’s okay. We both know it’s not. But, that’s okay too.

I’m not okay.