The Reason

THE REASON

Today

Good morning.

7:41 AM.

Happy Saturday.

A new day.

It’s going to be a beautiful day. Bright-bright sunshine. The warmest it’s been all year. Fifty, seven. She’ll take that. Tomorrow it will be fifty-nine. And Monday it will be sixty, six. Soon. This is a weekend to clean up the yard with fresh chips and dirt. The dog poop, goose poop, and also the leaves that have gathered on the driveway. It will be done and clean by Sunday evening. But first, there are some things that need to be done beforehand. Such as get propane for the grill and firepit.

For we are having company tonight.

Amy worked out front, while Jason and Logan went and golfed nine holes this morning. The season is now upon us. But I wish that Jason didn’t go.

Only because there are things to do that, I need him for. Such as get out the new pooper scooper. She didn’t want to go in the back quite yet, so she cleaned out the front flower box first. It was full of grass. Not dead grass.

Green grass.

A new start…

That’s how long she waited to clean it up. She was letting it grow again.

The neighbors across the way were cleaning up their yard too. as you notice, I said neighbor’s, across the way.

Not next door.

Nope.

Their Christmas shit still hangs.

She isn’t too comfortable with Greg and Kathy. When Amy went out earlier, they were probably still up from the night before. Watching, from behind their Hefty-glass window. That is why she was working up front.

The back yard when Jason gets home.

3:33pm.

Nice.

Lol.

Amy got lost in time.

Rod and Marcia came out for food and games last night. They got here while Amy was still outside playing in her wood chips. She was nowhere close to being finished. A Sunday thing.

A today, thing.

This is a day for Jason to do things out there. Such as use the major, yard tools. Lawn mower, weed whip, edger. The stuff that makes a lot of noise. Not, an Amy thing. He even trimmed our front tree for the first time. Maybe it was the first time. She doesn’t remember. It doesn’t look like such a baby anymore.

Nice job Jason. As for Amy it was wood chips. And the dead leaves that blew over from next door. She was busy in the morning, but they got it finished up in the early afternoon. And then they took a break a lunchtime and went over to the Y. She spent some time walking fast, swimming in the swimming pool, and melting in the sauna. Yes, I said sauna. A, new spot.

Hot steam filling your lungs

And new thoughts coming to my head.

Wow.

Hello.

I want to introduce myself. My name is Amy. Amy Jean, Newman-Austin. I am a stay-at-home mother of two. Sure. I’m a mom of two adult males, and I stay at home. A recluse if you may. In between hiding half the year by her outside door, and the other half in her garden she spends her time thinking.

Reflecting.

Learning.

Before I started these novels, I had chosen a name that is close and very dear to my heart. M.E Austin. It stands for the name of my husband. It is his initials. For he is a part of this too. He helps me do the things I, cannot do.

For instance:

These books are a story of growth, reflection, and a determination to follow a plan. A five-year plan. A plan that was started more than five years ago.

A plan…

To convey that she is not crazy.

This is the story that’s gonna prove that. It needs to prove it. Because if she has to stay in this trailer for one more year, who knows what will happen. Amy has lived in Michigan 23 years, and this is the first time she has ever felt like this. Is this a seasonal thing? Or is she having a, medical issue?

Epiphany...

She knows what it means. She can’t put it into words well enough to explain it. She does know it’s a feeling. An unmistakable, feeling. A terrifying feeling. A Déjà vu, kind of feeling.

All in the matter of a second.

Everybody’s had them.

Maybe.

She has.

They terrify her every time it happens.

She wonders if this is her sign. A spiritual awakening, so to speak.

But boy she’ll tell you what, it freaks her out.

What is happening???

All my hair is falling out. And my face is fucking ugly. I felt okay, this morning. I had a neck-tug, and an Xray. Again. What is this thing inside of me?

Maybe a stroke?

Am I going to stroke-out?

Am I stroking out?

OMG…

This is an issue for Amy.

Amy has issues.

Example:

Amy notices when there is a change in a human’s behavior.

Especially if they’ve been married so long.

The voice.

The pitch. Omg. The tone.

Nerves.

They do that too. They can be felt, and they can be seen.

They can be…heard.

Anyway, she woke up scared at whatever time it was in the morning this morning. She tossed and turned and turned and tossed. She woke up, fell asleep, and woke up again, and again.

Dreaming the whole time.

Amy can’t stop this. She has quit a lot of things. But this thing, wow.

ANYONEWHOISNTCONFUSEDDOESNTUNDERSTANDTHESITUATIONEDWARDRMURROW

Amy has since adapted for the moment.

And things seem to be falling into place.

It has been in Amy's thoughts on how to begin to fix herself. And how to show a side of herself that she has never shown. Much less, ever known. This may be something that you find funny, sad, comical, beautiful, and ugly, fucking ugly, at the same time.

She found something today.

A piece to her puzzle.

One problem.

She doesn’t know where to put it.

She needs to find a spot because all these pieces are combined into eight plus years. (Now going on ten). Or, eleven. She doesn’t remember. She just knows it’s been a lot of years of complete, bullshit.

Examples:

The Domino Affect has roughly 98,000 words. This is the introduction. It is fresh. It is raw. It’s followed by her second novel. A Domino Effect. Roughly 119,000 words. It is more refined and better seasoned. Both professionally edited. Full, of growth.

Then came the reason for it all, TWIMC.

Chapters 1-36, approximately 3,000 words each. Available, but not yet professionally edited.

Phew….

And now we have…Circles. Chapters 1-34 and counting.

Approximately three thousand words per chapter.

Amy has more than 400,000 reasons so far as to why this is a beautiful, never-ending novel that is going to suffocate her computer.

Seriously…

What does she do with all of this?

Read it?

Listen to it?

Watch it???

Lost…