Unlucky Flowers

Isaac stared at all of the bouquets, unable to make up his mind. They sure did have an enormous selection of flowers around Mother’s Day. 

Come on, you’re just getting flowers for mom. You do this every year. And he dreaded it every year. Despite all her faults, and, if Isaac was being honest, she did have quite a lot of faults, he loved his mother, though if asked he could never explain why. The reason he loved her was a mystery that always escaped him. Why do I love her if she’s like this? If she doesn’t even like me? Isaac would sit and wonder. Although he would not only wonder, he would brood on it, ruminate. He never found a reason although the best he could think of was just because she was his mother, as weak of a reason that was. He knew blood shouldn’t be the determining factor in if you love someone or not. Maybe he felt sorry for her despite how despicable she could be. Maybe he’d never know. 

Because his father died five years prior, when Isaac was fifteen, the task of giving gifts to his mother fell on him. He’d always get her things, but was never the one to give them to her. She harbored so much animosity towards him so he would always ask his dad to do it. She only got worse as years went on, especially after the death of her ex-husband, even though they had long been separated and she hated him nearly as much as she hated Isaac. As soon as he turned eighteen, he moved out on his own. It was hard making ends meet, he couldn’t deny that. He could barely afford bills and food, and walked everywhere since he couldn’t afford a car. But even though he loved his mother, he couldn’t stand being with her another day and bearing her relentless hatefulness for him. 

Even though he only visited for holidays, it still set him on edge and flooded him with waves of anxiety and uncomfort in the days leading up to it. When he visited her, there was no such thing as ‘good visits.’ There were only bad and worse. His few friends would tell him to cut her out of his life because of her bitter toxicity and he knew they were right. But still, he couldn’t. 

Realizing he couldn’t stand in the store all day, he grabbed a bouquet of daisies and went on his way. He knew his mother would hate anything he got her because it came from him. At the same time, she expected flowers and gifts, even though she never used them. She was always contradicting herself. 

On the two-hour walk to the trailer park where his mother stayed, he couldn’t help but giggle. Daisies. Such a happy flower for such an unhappy lady. The poor things. They’d be dead by tomorrow, that is if she hadn’t thrown them out by then. She wouldn’t give them water, and she surely couldn’t give them sunlight with as dark as it was in her ‘house’ if one could call it so. More importantly, she wouldn’t. Isaac couldn’t recall her ever showing care or affection for any other living thing, not even herself. 

Finally, he arrived at her door and immediately was transformed into a little boy again, at the mercy of however his mother happened to be feeling that day. He knocked tentatively. 

“Yeah? Whaddaya want?” he heard her yell. She always had a raspy voice, and it only got worse every time he came to see her. 

“Mom, it’s me.” He swallowed. He could already feel his nerves going out of control. 

He heard her stumbling to the door. 

“What?” she was wearing a dirty nightshirt and had even less teeth than Isaac remembered when he last saw her.

“It’s Mother’s Day. I have flowers for you,” he said, almost pathetically. 

“Whatever. I ain’t got time for no flowers,” she said as they walked inside.

He tried to keep from gagging as he walked in. The stench of cigarettes, spoiled garbage that had gone rancid, mold, and something else that Isaac couldn’t place (not that he wanted to know) was overpowering. It filled him with nausea and he had to fight to keep from holding his nose. How can she stand this? Of course, he figured that she probably lost her sense of smell years ago. Everything was covered with a thick layer of dust, dirt and grime on the old, broken furniture. Not to mention that it looked like a hoarder house. It was a hoarder house. It’s not that his mom had trouble parting with things, it was for the simple reason that she never cleaned or did hardly anything besides smoke, drink, and waste away. How her house wasn’t condemned was beyond Isaac. 

He tried to think of something, anything that he could say to take away the tension, so he asked something he’d always wondered. 

“Why was I named Isaac? Was it just that you wanted to name me after dad?” he asked. 

“I didn’t choose to name you after that louse. I didn’t care what your name was, he decided to name you after himself.”

“If you didn’t want me to be named after him, why did you let him?”

“Ain’t ya listenin’? I didn’t CARE!” she spat. “I didn’t care one bit about you. We only did what we had to do for you so we wouldn’t go to jail for child abuse and neglect.”

Isaac was afraid to ask but he had to. He couldn’t go his whole life without knowing. 

“So, um...was I...did you guys…” he trailed off. 

“You weren’t planned if that’s what you’s askin’. We never wanted you. I was just young and stupid enough to hook up with your father and I didn’t have the money for an abortion. And they weren’t as common as they are now.” 

At long last, Isaac’s fears were confirmed. To think that the only reason he existed was because his mother had irresponsible sex and was too poor to get rid of him.

Isaac still had questions. 

“So...when you got pregnant with me, it wasn’t...you two weren’t...am I illegitimate?”

His mother lit a cigarette. “We married a year after you were born. You do the math, kid.”

“But why? If you hated him, then-” he was cut off. 

“I hated the bastard, alright. I only married him to shut people up. I divorced him as soon as I could.”

Instead of focusing on her answer, Isaac thought about that word. Bastard. That’s what I am. He couldn’t think straight. 

“Now I get to ask a question,” his mother started and Isaac stared into her worn and wasted face. “You know I ain’t partic’larly fond of ya. Why do ya always come and give me crap?”

Isaac assumed she was talking about the gifts that he gave her. 

“Well, because I come on holidays and that’s when people-”

She cut him off again. 

“You ain’t gotta give me stuff and we both know it.”

“Because I lo-” he stopped. Even though it was true, he just couldn’t say it. “Because I just do, okay? Now I’ll leave since I know you like your quiet, mom, but please, get out of this trailer. Clean things up, clean yourself up, and get better. This isn’t even living. And another thing. I know you hate me, and now I know you never even wanted me in the first place, which I already assumed, but I get you these things and I know you don’t want them, but you could at least...act happy.”

She didn’t answer, just looked at him as if he hadn’t said a word and took another puff of her cigarette. This non-answer of hers was Isaac’s cue to leave. 

So he walked out into the fresh air and left. 

“Maybe I should get you home, it’s starting to look really bad out,” said Isaac, looking at the dark sky above the park where they were sitting. “It’s a half-hour walk to your place and it looks like a storm’s going to start.” He was almost thankful for the bad weather considering their date wasn’t going as planned. Laura looked really bored. 

It was something he figured when they first started dating a year ago. Isaac knew he wasn’t all spontaneous and interesting like Laura seemed to like. She always seemed bored with him. She was the type of girl that only liked fun. Isaac didn’t dislike fun, but he just wasn’t that type of person. He was in love with Laura, though. They hadn’t kissed yet, despite being together for a year, but Isaac was old-fashioned. He had never even been in a relationship before he met Laura at his old job. 

“Yeah, that’s probably best,” she said. “I didn’t think there would be rain or storms tonight.”

“Well, you know how the weather is here, changes every five minutes.”

“Yeah.”

They could both feel the awkwardness between them. After a few seconds, Isaac spoke. 

“Alright then, we’d better get going.”

As they started walking, the wind picked up and a steady drizzle started, which quickly turned into a pouring rain. Isaac took off the light jacket that he was wearing and held it over Laura to shelter her as best as he could. 

“Sorry, I don’t have an umbrella.”

“Wouldn’t be any use in this wind anyway,” she sighed. 

The wind continued to grow stronger. After a few more minutes, Isaac and Laura were shielding their eyes from the stinging rain and holding onto each other for stability, leaning into the wind. Tree branches started flying through the air along with garbage from the trash cans that began rolling down the street. 

“Let’s go to my house, it’s much closer!” yelled Isaac over the howling of the wind.

They finally reached his door and rushed inside. They were both soaked to the skin.

Isaac tried to catch his breath. 

“Man, that storm just came out of nowhere! All of a sudden the sky went dark and it got all crazy. I’m going to go change and get you a towel. I can give you some of my clothes to put on if you want.”

“No, that’s fine. I can change when I go back to my house after the storm’s over,” she yawned.

“I just thought you’d like something dry to put on. Are you sure? I have some warm flannel shirts that-”

“Isaac. It’s fine. You don’t need to tend to me like a helpless child,” said Laura sternly. She stared at him.

“I’m- I’m sorry, Laura. I didn’t mean to come off that way. Do you need a blanket or...o-kay, by that face I’m going to guess no. Sorry, I just want you to be comfortable,” he said sheepishly. He changed the subject. “Let’s turn on the radio and see what they’re saying about the weather.”

He reached over for the radio and turned it on, playing around with the dials a bit until he found a station that was giving the weather and turned it up so they could hear the weatherman. 

“...And we now have confirmation that a tornado has in fact touched down in Parkerville. It has torn through much of the town and completely destroyed many businesses, homes, and a few trailer parks. What is it with tornadoes and trailer parks? I don’t know. Anyway, it’s not yet known how many deaths or injuries-”

Isaac turned the radio off. 

“Oh, God.”

“What?” asked Laura. “It’s in Parkerville, we have nothing to worry about. It’s a few hours away. Hey, didn’t you go there last week?”

“Yeah,” Isaac answered slowly. “To visit my mom for Mother’s Day. You don’t think she’s...do you think she’s okay? She lives in a trailer park.”

“I mean, they said Parkerville’s destroyed, so...probably not. But do you really need to worry about her? From what you’ve said, she sounds like a person you shouldn’t even have in your life.”

“I know, but I have to know how she’s doing. I’ll go over there tomorrow,” he said, and faded off to sleep on the couch. 

Isaac awoke to frantic knocking at his door and muffled yelling. Laura was gone. She must have left while he was asleep, even though he would always see her safely home. Still blurry from sleep, he trudged over to the door and opened it to see his aunt, whom he hadn’t spoken to since he was a young boy.

“Isaac!” she cried frantically. “Do you know about the tornado in Parkerville? Your mom, she...she was killed! They said she got crushed with debris.”

Isaac’s mind went racing. He couldn’t find any words. His aunt continued.

“The funeral’s on Wednesday. It’s at Bakerton Funeral Home and she’ll be buried at Witton Cemetery.”

The service was quick, considering Isaac’s mother didn’t have many loved ones. Hardly anyone came and Isaac was the only pallbearer that wasn’t a member of the funeral home staff. 

He laid the orchids which he had spent all day choosing on his mother’s grave and began to sob. 

“I always thought she’d smoke or drink herself to death, or get cancer from it, or just die from an unhealthy environment. I never thought it’d be a tornado,” he cried. 

“Isaac, I’m sorry, but it’s better this way. You don’t have to worry about her anymore and you don’t have to deal with her in your life,” said Laura. She wasn’t too keen on coming to the service, but eventually came for Isaac so that he wouldn’t be alone. 

After a month, Isaac decided to see Laura again. Just as he spent lots of time choosing flowers for his mother, both before and after her death, he spent lots of time choosing the bouquet of white lilies that he planned to give to Laura. 

He stepped out into the dreary evening. Why isn’t there ever any good weather here? By the time he got to Laura’s, it had already started to rain. 

“Hi, Laura. I got you some flowers.”

“Isaac,” she started. “I want to break up. I know you came with flowers and everything, but I’ve wanted to break up for a while. Honestly, you just aren’t any fun to be around and I don’t have feelings for you anymore.”

“But Laura, my mom just died. I’m sorry I haven’t been there for you, but I needed some time. I mean, yeah, we were distant, but it was still hard on me even though I know you won’t understand why.”

“It’s not just that. You were always like this. I’m sorry. And you can keep the flowers. I don’t need them.”

“G-goodbye, then. I love you,” he said and walked away. 

Despite the pouring rain, Isaac sat down on a bench, not able to move. He threw away the lilies and started crying. He suddenly felt the rain stop and he looked up to see a young woman about his age sharing her umbrella with him. 

“I normally wouldn’t do something like this for a stranger, but you really look like you’ve been through hell so I thought I’d come over to you,” she said. “I’m Leah.”

“Isaac. Thank you, by the way. It’s very nice of you.”

They talked about anything and everything that night. When it was finally time for them to go home, they exchanged numbers and Leah promised to call Isaac the next day, and then they would go to the park together for lunch. 

As time passed, they fell in love with each other and started dating. But this wasn’t like with Laura. Isaac really felt that Leah was in love with him as he was with her. They connected on a different level and time fell away whenever they were together. They understood each other better than anyone and were joyful whenever they were simply with one another. 

Valentine’s Day came months later and Isaac was wondering what kind of flowers to get Leah. It was even more difficult this time considering how much he loved her. As much as he hated himself for it, he decided not to get any flowers but to make up for it with a date and lots of chocolate. 

“Thanks for the date, it was such a nice dinner,” said Leah happily. “I’m so full I can’t even eat any of the chocolates you gave me. Why did you give me so much? You know I don’t eat that many sweets.”

“Well,” began Isaac, a bit embarrassed. “It’s because I didn’t get you flowers.”

“I was wondering about that,” then, worried that she came off as self-centered, she quickly replied, “not that I feel entitled or anything, though, I just wondered.”

“I know, it’s just,” he thought about how to say it. “I’ve always had a hard time choosing flowers for the people in my life that I care about. And...well, whenever flowers are involved, they’re either for a sad occasion or they just seem to bring bad luck. I know it’s stupid and superstitious, but what we have is so amazing, like nothing I’ve ever experienced, and I mean that, Leah, and I just don’t want this weird flower-curse thing that I seem to have happen to us.”

“But it doesn’t have to happen to us. We can have a good life, Isaac. If you’re really against it, that’s fine, but how about we go get some roses? You can’t go wrong with roses, especially on Valentine’s Day.”

Isaac knew to trust her. After all, when Laura broke up with him, maybe it wasn’t bad luck, but good luck, because it was through that happening that he met Leah. And that was good enough for him.