Steven No More

When Tina heard the rumbling sound of what once had been a soothing voice, now something repulsive, she knew this day was already ruined before it had started. Once a loving husband - man of her dreams and knight in shining armour - now the least pleasant part of her day and, still, her boss.

To be fair, it wasn’t entirely his fault that she couldn’t stand the sight or sound of him. And of course, she wasn’t forced by any means to stay at the office. But just as she had then, she felt attached to the place. The setting was part of it; located at the very heart of the small town that she had learned to love. One of the few semi-high rises that enabled a movie picture over the sunrise each morning. “Blood orange” was a description of a color she’d learned makes you sound like a pretentious douche, but she didn’t care. It was just one of the many wonderful nuances she got to see before the other not so early-birds decided to join her. With “the girls” having become a more inclusive “the guys” for the afternoon gossip (because why shouldn’t Gary be able to join, although he didn’t quite meet the standards for a cute group photo), she felt at home. This was her place, much more than it had ever been Steven’s.

So when he approached her from behind with that full-of-himself grin as he mouthed a, with his very dry lips, “Good morning, love”, she felt like puking. Of course she had fantasized of gripping that glass ball on the counter and just whacking it across his forehead. You know the kind of decorative glass balls that could probably be found at the nearest IKEA, usually impostering as an apple or orange. For some reason they were thought of as fancy, but Tina appreciated its compactness and weight.

She’d convinced herself that thoughts of killing an ex husband were perfectly normal and nothing to be ashamed of. Wasn’t there an old saying, “love thy neighbor.. murder your…”?

Well, she wasn’t sure, but it felt good thinking about.

There was a flickering light above her that seemed just about to draw its last few breaths. Tina seemed the only one capable of noticing these things. When she started, the office was in such bad shape that surely even the rodents decided there was a line needed to be drawn. Animal abuse? Safety hazard? The list could go on. She had single handedly (well, almost) turned this piece of crap into a space of comfort and professionalism. Not to mention the workforce of five turned fifteen after some outstanding marketing and recruitment that Mr. Nepo baby could never. One more reason for staying - how could she let this go and leave the fate of the estate to Steven and the union of neglected rats?

She felt his cold hand on her shoulder. A power move or just lack of respect for personal space? Nevermind the fact that they’d been separated for the better part of a year, it seemed that he just craved the attention of everybody, her included. As she closed her eyes, a flashing image appeared before them. Her left hand holding one of the kitchen knives, covered in a red thick color, and a screaming Steven next to her with a missing middle finger.

She opened her eyes and gently pushed his hand away from her body, sighing a tired “Good morning yourself”.

Nicki sat next to them, eyes half asleep and mascara applied swiftly. Tina had pretended not to notice the all but discrete glances (mostly from his direction to hers) and over the line comments about the young woman’s figure. Because what was her character like if she’d actually allowed her husband to insult her like that, had she been aware of such behavior. So it’d been more convenient to turn a blind eye and focus on the things that in fact were within her control. The business of office-appliance-design wasn’t always the most thrilling of work, but she had learned not to take things for granted. This was a solid hustle where her ideas were respected and actually mattered. Because as much as she despised him for his personal flaws, the professional side of him did actually rely on the thoughts of his coworkers. And in a time of financial instability that could compare to the great depression, Tina had more than willingly allowed some leeway for her romantic principles.

*FLASH*

Another image appeared of Steven pinned against the wall, her firm grip around his modest jewels as he let out a strained grunt. She looked him dead in the eyes as the grip tightened and his face turned whiter. Was this what power was like? She didn’t actually know what to interpret from these increasingly colorful and recurring images of hers, but as they filled her with some kind of sick satisfaction, she welcomed them.

Back at the office, he chuckled so that she could see his one particularly yellow tooth that she’d always tried steering her attention away from.

“Are you okay?”

His condescending look and wrinkling of nose implied she was the one acting weird.

“You seem a bit off”.

Maybe that particular statement hit her harder than expected because she did feel a bit off. Maybe all of her resentment towards the man had something to do with her own sense of self worth. Why was it that, even though she had a hard earned degree in law, a stare that could pierce through even the toughest of businessmen, and a personality both inviting yet fierce, she felt the need to cling on to the one place she knew would be her safe card?

She had only recently begun questioning herself and it threatened to shatter the one thing she was indeed certain of; the one that says “I know what I want”.

The morning sun had turned to dense clouds as raindrops started tapping on the tall windows. Around her, one of the colleagues coughed, and another one made a weird throat sound which always annoyed her - because if she could go a whole day without practising the imitation of a crow, then why couldn’t other people? The light above her flickered again, and as she drew a deep sigh, Steven muttered something intelligible.

*FLASH*

Her hands now around his neck, squeezing so she could feel the blood pulsing frantically. As she increased the intensity of her grip, she thought of Nicki and her teasing body. She thought of Lena, the previous intern, and all of her own pathetic excuses for both his and her behavior. He looked small as he struggled to fight her off. Eyes begging and streams of water pouring down his cheeks. With his struggles increasing, so did her sense of power. Right then and there she knew what she wanted, and it was to remove herself from this pathetic man, or part of herself.

When she was once back at the office, her hands were still around Steven’s neck. As she slowly let go of him, his body fell to the ground with a loud thud. She could hear Nicki scream. Another horrified voice;

“Jesus Christ, Tina!”.

Her lips started to shiver. The sound of the 911 operator from the other room induced a paralyzing feeling that slowly creeped up on her. As she looked down on his dead body, a wave of shock hit her with the thought that this would haunt her for the rest of her life.

In the blink of an eye, a million thoughts flooded her brain, all with dread and anxiety, guilt and grief.

But then again, when she looked down on him and thought “Steven no more”, it all just felt so good.