To Walk

Bill stepped into his cube, but before he could set down his coffee and get settled, Sam barked, "Bill! Happy Monday man! One more week and we launch!"

"Good morning, Sam.", Bill sighed, "Can it wait until I get some caffeine in my system?" Sam's enthusiasm could be a bit much sometimes. "I'd really like to get settled before we start talking; give me a few minutes."

After so many years working together, Bill knew Sam wouldn't be slowed down, so he sipped his coffee and looked over his glasses at Sam, giving him quiet permission. Bill wrapped his hands around the warm mug and relished the steam, which carried the rich smell of dark roast coffee.

Sam accepted the invitation, "Look, I am excited about going to the outfitter tonight. I wrote the list you asked for. I think you were right; it's better to plan out the shopping trip than to wing it. This should go smoother than our other visits to the store." While Sam went on about their trip, Bill smiled to himself, Sam always reminded him of a faithful dog when he got into one of his moods. He wasn't sure why Sam enjoyed his company so much.

After settling into the daily routine and working together through the spreadsheets for the day, Bill reflected on how comfortable the familiar tasks were. Having a good friend to work alongside was an extra bonus.

Donna poked her head around Bill's cube wall, "Bill, sorry to bother you but could you take a look at that sheet I just e-mailed? The formulas aren't picking up my changes?" After a quick check, Bill showed her how to fix the problem and, with a smile, turned back to his work.

Sam turned to Bill, "You know, everyone comes to you when things get stuck, I don't think our team would be able to keep up without you always helping everyone. How do you meet your own deadlines with so many interruptions?" Bill stared at Sam until Sam broke into a sheepish grin, "Oh, right! Back to work."

Later, on their daily walk on the paths around the office complex, Sam said, "You have really improved, Bill; your pace is double what it was when we started a few months ago. You are ready for a serious hike brother!"

"I don't even get blisters anymore. This is the most exercise I've done in my life; thanks for all the help, Sam!"

That evening, with the day behind them, the parking lot was mostly empty, not surprising given the amount of time Sam kept interrupting him to discuss different aspects of the hiking trip."Bill, I am really glad you agreed to go hiking with me. You are going to love it. I didn't think you'd ever agree to go. See you at the outfitters! Just a few more things to finish your kit."

"Me too, Sam; thanks again for putting this together. Seeing pictures from all your trips makes me feel like I've already been on one. See you in a few minutes."

"Almost done." Said Sam as he hoisted the last bag from the shopping cart into Bill's trunk. The back seat of the car was full of boxes and bags of camping gear and hiking clothes, the anticipation of the trip gave Bill a mixture of dread and enthusiasm. He was really glad to have Sam's help. Bending up from putting the last package in the car he looked over at his friend to see him clutching at his chest and leaning on the closed trunk.

"Sam, you ok?"

"Yeah, just a minute, feeling a bit rough here..." he suddenly collapsed.

"Sam!", Bill rushed around the car to his friend's side and knelt on the rough asphalt. What do I do? What's happening? "Sam! What's happening, what's wrong?"

"Bill...live...more..." he gasped as his eyes lost focus. He let out a long sigh. Bill awaited his next breath, finally realizing his friend was gone.

The next day, the pain of loss was raw. His normal comfort in his routine was gone; the morning seemed hollow, a Sam-sized hole in the cube across the aisle. As Bill stared at his friend's chair, Doug walked up and pulled Sam's chair toward Bill's cube and sat, leaning forward. Bill drew back a bit.

"Bill, I know it was hard to see Sam go yesterday. How are you doing?"

"Good morning, Doug, ok, I guess I'm having a little trouble getting rolling this morning."

"I understand. You guys had put in for time off next week for a trip together, right?"

"Yes, Sam was taking me on a hiking trip." Bill held back tears. It made no sense to let the boss see how upset he was. This should be more private.

"Given the situation, I assume you'll cancel your leave request. Sam will be hard to replace, and we start working on the annual closing effort in two weeks. With the team down a person, we'll need all hands on deck." Bill nodded numbly, not really registering what Doug was saying. "Ok, glad we could catch up; I'll see you around, Bill."

As Doug walked away, Bill tried to calm the chaos in his head. He couldn't believe Doug could gloss over Sam's death so casually. On the other hand, they were busy, and year-end was always tough, even when the team was fully staffed. A ding from his instant messenger snapped him out of his reverie; Dawn needed help with her entries. Bill forced himself to turn to his computer and dive in.

The next few days passed in a haze for Bill. The idea of having to ask Doug for anything made his stomach churn, but there was no way around it but he had no choice. "Doug, do you have a minute?" he asked as he walked into Doug's office.

"Sure Bill, what's up? Let's make it quick, I need to go see the big guy."

"I am not sure how to stay on top of the work with us being down a person. " He couldn't bring himself to say that Sam was dead, keeping it impersonal helped keep the pain under control. Once he started talking, he dared to request, "The funeral is tomorrow, and I'd like the day off to attend."

Doug leaned back in his chair, rested his elbows on the chair arms, and steepled his fingers. "Look, Bill, you know how important closing the book on time is. You seem to be taking our situation less seriously than I would expect. The vice President holds me accountable for delivering closed books on time, so I am holding you accountable for getting that done. We need to come together as a team and deliver results, Bill."

Bill leaned toward Doug with his hands clenched at his sides. "Doug, I have worked for you for years, and every time you tell me there is a crisis, I've done what it takes to deliver. I never take vacations since I don't have a family, and I love what I do but this time I need the day. I can't believe that you are so calloused about this."

Doug looked at Bill, glanced at his clenched fists, tapped his fingers together, and took a deep breath before replying, "OK, one day, Bill, but we are going to need to make that time up. Can you put in an extra hour or two each day next week?"

Bill's mumbled agreement was barely audible as he turned on his heel and left the office.

The soft green grass underfoot, birds quietly chirping in the nearby oak reminded Bill of one of the pictures Sam had shown him from a hike to a hilltop meadow. This was too much A tear rolled down Bill's cheek as he left the memorial service. Can't let anyone see me like this, he thought as he rushed to his car. He felt like he had climbed to the edge of the pit of his boring life, and just as he reached the edge, got pulled back into the pit.

The sun had baked the car, the heat felt good as he sat trying to collect himself before driving home. His phone buzzed and he instinctively knew who the message would be from...sure enough, Doug. "Bill, I just met with the VPs, and there is no question that we are going to need every hour between now and year-end. I have canceled your leave request for next week. See you in the morning."

A text? Did he do this in a text? Unbelievable!

The next morning as Bill sat down at his desk and logged in, he couldn't help but stare at Sam's empty chair. He turned to look at his desk.

"Donna, are you there?" people in the neighboring cubes could hear just fine and he didn't trust himself to stand up right now.

"Good morning Bill, what's up?" Donna poked her head over his cube wall, the smile on her face dropped a little as she saw Bill staring at the new stack of files on his desk. "Doug asked me to move all of Sam's work to you since the rest of us are already behind."

"Thanks Donna." Bill slowly stood up and took a deep breath then turned toward Doug's office.

"Good morning, Doug; consider this my formal resignation. Good luck with the year-end work." He could hear Doug spluttering and stammering, trying to get up out of his chair, but Bill marched straight for the exit, ignoring the calls for him to stop. This time tomorrow he would be a few miles on the trail that he and Sam had chosen and a day into his new life.