Laundry

“Goddamn it!”

“What now?”

“What now? We’re out of laundry detergent again!”

“So I’ll pick up some more later.”

“I could’ve picked some up yesterday. I was just at the store.”

“So why didn’t you?”

“Because I didn’t know we were out.”

“How is that my fault?”

“Because you were the last one to do the laundry!”

“What are you throwing things for? You could break something. That TV’s expensive.”

“I don’t give a fuck about the TV! Maybe I should throw it out the fucking window so you can pay attention when I’m talking to you.”

“What the hell is your problem? All right, so I forgot to tell you we were out of detergent. Why are you making a federal case out of it?”

“Why am I the only one who has to remember everything around here? If you knew we were out you should’ve picked some up. What do you think, some magic fairy goes around washing dishes, making dinner, and doing laundry?”

“You just said I was the last one who did the laundry.”

“And when was the last time you did it before that?”

“What? I don’t know. Look you want me to do the laundry again, I’ll do the laundry again! What the hell else needs washing?”

“Leave it, I’ll go down and get the damn detergent.”

“I said I’ll get it, I just want to see what’s so damn important that it needs washing right this second… you got your period. It didn’t work.”

“This was our last chance, Scott. I just can’t give you children.”

“It’s alright, hon. The clinic told us the chances of pregnancy by in-vitro were slim but we had to try and we can always adopt.”

“But you don’t want to adopt. You said you wanted a child that shared our DNA.”

“I still do but we’ve tried everything surgery, drugs, IVF, IUI. It just isn’t in the cards for us.”

“So are you going to go back to Sylvia Fine? We know she can give you kids.”

“Yeah, me and half of Brooklyn, no thanks! Besides, I don’t want a family with just anyone. I want a family with you.”

“Even when I’m throwing empty Tupperware containers at you?”

“Better me than the TV.”

“You and that stupid TV.” 

“How about I draw you a bubble bath and order some chicken parm and garlic knots from Angelo’s? I’ll pick up some more detergent when I get the food.”

“Is that the new version of a carton of milk and cigarettes?”

“I’m not going to walk out on you, Alicia, come on!”

“Yeah, I know. Bad joke, sorry.”

“I’ll go start your bath.”

#

“Hello? How ya doing, sweetheart? No, I can talk, she’s in the other room. I’m leaving work early tomorrow so I can meet you at the hotel. Nope, she has no idea. Great, I can’t wait to see you! I love you too. Bye.”

#

“Scott, what is this? What have you done? Sandra, what the hell are you doing here? You’re supposed to be in California.”

“Well, I’m not. Scott and I have something to tell you.”

“Sandra, no wait, not like this.”

“Not like what? Scott, what the hell is going on? Where are you going?”

“Scott told me you’ve been having trouble conceiving.”

“What? We weren’t telling anybody. Not yet, anyway.”

“Yeah, well, I managed to get it out of him.”

“So why are you here?”

“Well, sis, Scott and I have been meeting up on his lunch breaks and after work, sometimes even before work-”

“What, why? What are you telling me?”

“Have you told her yet?”

“No, I thought I’d leave it to you.”

“Scott, what is that? What do you have? What the hell is going on here?”

“Relax, hon. Here, open it.”

“Oh my God, it’s a puppy!”

“Her name is Sophia and she’s all yours.”

“Oh, she’s so sweet! Where did she come from?”

“Sandra’s neighbor works for the Humane Society and they got in a pregnant Shepherd mix. She knows we were in the market for a new puppy and we agreed that if they survived the birth we’d adopt one.”

“Wait, we were looking to get a new puppy?”

“Well, I was. I thought it might ease the pain of trying for kids and not getting anywhere. I figured last night was as good a time as any to pull the trigger so I called Sandra and set it up. We’ve been so stressed out over this lately that I think maybe we can take a step back and stop trying for a while. Let’s just enjoy each other and give our love to Sophia.”

“She’s perfect. You’re perfect. Oh, Scott, thank you so much for this!”

“I’m glad you like her. I hate seeing you so miserable. I miss seeing your smile.”

“Well, I’m gonna leave you two lovebirds alone.”

“Oh Sandra, thank you so much for setting this up with Scott.”

“Any time, sis. Call me later, huh?”

“I will. Get home safe.”

“I’ll walk you out.”

#

“She really is happy, isn’t she? I’m glad we decided to do this, Scott. It was a good idea.”

“Alicia is happiest when she has someone to love. I figured it’ll make the transition easier for her when we leave for Costa Rica next month.”

“It couldn’t come soon enough, I can hardly wait.”

“Me either, babe.”

“God, my family is just going to hate me but we’ll be basking in the

sun on the beach thousands of miles away so I’ll live.”

“Nothing else matters but our happiness and our new life with our baby.”

“Mom keeps telling me I need to lose weight because I’m getting so fat. Wait until she finds out she’s going to be a grandmother and not by her golden child!”

“It was an accident, of course, but I’m glad to know I’m not shooting blanks like the doctors said.”

“Did they say that?”

“Yeah, Alicia and I had to do all kinds of tests so they could figure out why we weren’t conceiving. The doctors said her eggs were fine but my sperm count was low.”

“Well, doctors have been wrong before.”

“Yeah. I mean, you and I didn’t have any problems at all and we weren’t even trying. Funny how things work out, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, funny. Well, I’m gonna bounce.”

“Ok, I’ll call you later?”

"Tomorrow, I'm going out tonight."

"Again?"

"Yeah, again, so what?"

"Who with?"

"Friends."

"What friends?"

"None of your business, that's what friends."

"Charlie, Ramon, who?"

"Did I just lapse into German? What part of none of your business do you not get?"

"Look, you're carrying my kid-"

"Yeah, I'm carrying your kid. That doesn't mean you get to tell me what I can and cannot do. You don't own me, we aren't married."

"Not yet."

"What?"

"We're not married yet but we will be."

"You want to marry me?"

"Sure, why not?"

"Aw, is that supposed to be a proposal? Be still my heart."

"Let's talk about this later, okay?"

“Sure, tomorrow.”

"Sandra-"

"Tomorrow, I said."

"You know, you could learn a thing or two about how to talk to men from your sister."

"I don't have a problem talking to men. That's your whole problem, isn't it?"

"Not when it's just talking, no."

"Have a good night playing house, Scott."

"Sandra, this baby is mine, isn't it?"

"Sure. Good night, Scott."