Nat:

No.

Yes.

No.

I don't know.

I am so done.

"Hey! Nat, wanna sit with us?" my best friend Drew asked.

"No, thank you though," I replied quietly, smiling at him.

"You sure? I'd love it if you'd sit with us, and you won't have to sit alone, I mean, I know you don't normally like sitting with people, but I don't like seeing you alone, please?" he burst out, then he looked embarrassed, and he was blushing. I blinked, then sighed.

"Yeah, okay. Just... I won't do this normally."

He grinned and pulled me up from the grass, dragging me over to his friend group. I stared at his hand, fighting a blush.

No way I like him! He's my best friend! I thought, shaking my head.

I sat a little ways away from everyone, and tucked into myself. I normally did this; tucking into a ball and making myself smaller than everyone else. It's how I stay sane, and stay myself, 'cause otherwise, I'll turn into something I'm not. I don't have a phone, partly my choice and partly my parents. Stupid social media. But I never hang out with people anyway. The fact that I was right now astonished me. 

“Nat, stop being antisocial, come hang out with us! There’s no point in you being over here if you won’t hang out with us!” Drew complained. 

“But I didn’t want to be here in the first place!” I snapped unintentionally. I instantly regretted it. Drew’s face fell, and he seemed to pull himself away, though not physically. 

“Sorry, I’ll let you leave,” he said, wiping his eyes before turning away.

“Drew-” I reached out, but he was already gone.

***

Drew hasn’t spoken to me since Wednesday, it’s now next Wednesday. I’m even less of a human at this point, I’m more of a shell. Drew was my vocal point; he was the one I looked to the most for help, the one person here who really cared about me. But… it doesn’t seem like he does anymore.

Day one I was thinking he would get over it.

Day two I was debating approaching him, he never stayed mad.

Day three I was worried.

Day four I was fighting back tears.

Day five I was a mess.

Day six I was breaking down.

Today I am sitting in the bathroom sobbing my heart out.

I miss him. I need him. I love him. I didn’t realize it until he stopped talking to me. I didn’t realize how much I depend on him, how much I need him, how much he means to me. I need him. I wiped my face and stood up. I was going to face my fears and talk to him. I glanced in the mirror. I look like someone died. I honestly don’t care right now. I walked out of the bathroom, putting my hood on and keeping my head down. No one notices me in this big high school, I’m just a quiet weird girl. I hear loud laughing, and know it’s Drew. I pay more attention to him than he thinks I do. I round a corner to see him talking to Jessie: the hottest and most popular girl at our school. I don’t know what I’m seeing for a second, and I feel sick. I let out a small sob, and they both turn to me. Jessie’s face is that of sympathy, and Drew looks at me like I’m sunshine, but I let out another sob and back away, and Drew’s face morphs into horror. I take another step back, and Drew lunges forward.

“No! Nat!” he shouts, his hand brushing my arm, but then someone puts their arm around my neck, and hits my head with something hard. The last thing I see is Jessie holding Drew back as she screams for help, and Drew screams for me. Then I slip into a world of darkness, one of my own making.

***

I groan and roll my head-which is throbbing painfully- around in a circle. I can’t remember what happened, or how I got here. Wait… where’s here? I open my eyes and look around to see what seems to be an interrogation room, but it’s bare, other than the chair I’m tied to. My head throbs. I can barely stay conscious. I feel sick. I remember Drew. He was… with Jessie. And then I was grabbed… and knocked out. 

“Ow ow ow,” I hissed, then I feel a trickle of something down the front of my face, and it seeps into my eye, making me realize with horror that it’s blood. My head is either scratched hard enough to bleed, or my skull is cracked. I don’t like either option, but #1 is better. If I had to pick. I hear footsteps and freeze. The metal door squeaked open and in stepped a man probably about 42, and a younger guy probably about 23. I shivered and pressed myself into the chair, terrified. What were they going to do to me? 

“Please let me go,” I whispered, my voice hoarse and foreign. 

“Cal, she’s not the girl, not the one I want,” the younger one said.

“So? She’s a witness now, we might as well kill her,” the older one, Cal, said. 

“Please no,” I begged, as Cal approached me, pulling a knife out of his pocket. I let out a sob and tried to get away. I wiggled my hands, trying desperately to loosen the bonds. And, when Cal was about 3ft from me, I managed to get my hands free. I slid to the floor, crouching, and while Cal was confused, I kicked him in the shins. Hard. I leapt to my feet and bolted, terrified and in pain. I heard Cal and the other one shouting, and then they were following me. I put on a burst of speed. I ran out and into the street, not noticing the oncoming cars. There were horns blaring, tires screeching, sudden pain, asphalt spinning towards me, people shouting. And through it all, I felt a strange sense of peace, like even though I was dying, I was going to be okay. But I knew I wouldn’t be okay. I knew this was it. I knew my body couldn’t take anymore. My only regret was not being able to talk to Drew first.

Drew:

I approached the crash, distracted by all the noise. People were shouting, screaming really. I wanted to know what was happening. Someone was screaming something about 911, and I sped up. Someone was clearly hurt, because I saw blood. I started running, dread filling me. I shoved people out of my way, making my way to the front of the crowd. And there she was. Nat. Lying on the ground, her head bleeding, everywhere bleeding. So much blood. I stood there, shocked and horrified for about 30 seconds, then I rushed to her, ignoring the protests of people. She was barely breathing. I fought back tears, terrified.

“Nat, can you hear me? Please don’t die. I’m so sorry I was so stupid. I never meant to hurt you. Please don’t die on me. Stay with me, please,” I sobbed, unable to keep the tears at bay. I pulled her to my chest, wishing I could be strong but knowing I couldn’t. Then the paramedics came, taking her from me, promising they’d do everything they could, promising me it’d be okay. But I knew that if she didn’t wake up soon, it’d all be over.

***

I ran the whole way to the hospital. I checked in and ran to the room. Sure I was out of breath, but who cares? I ran into the room and there she was, hooked up to a bunch of machines and pale, sure, but she was alive, and that’s all that mattered to me. I collapsed on a chair that was next to the bed, carefully twining my fingers with hers, knowing if she was awake she’d pull away, shrinking into herself. I let out a small weak laugh, missing how we’d talk everyday, how she’d confide in me. I never should’ve stopped talking to her, I was just hurt. And then when I do see her, she gets kidnapped, then hit by a car… I’m an idiot. I heard someone at the door and looked up to see my older brother, Josh. He looked at me sympathetically, then somehow knowing I’d want a hug, came over and wrapped his arms around me. I let go of Nat’s hand and sobbed into Josh, heartbroken and terrified. I can’t lose her, I just can’t. I wouldn’t be able to go on. Josh held me tighter, being the best big brother ever.

Nat:

It was so nice in the darkness, heading toward the light, the perfect temperature, and no annoying people. But something tugged at me, making me want to wake up more than I wanted the darkness and light. So I turned around, and walked the other way. I regained consciousness to the sound of muffled sobbing. I let out a quiet hiss of pain, and opened my eyes. There was… Drew? Yeah, that’s Drew. And hugging him was… John? Joe? No, not either of those. Josh? Yeah, that’s it. Josh looked at me, his eyes widening. He gently shook Drew’s shoulder, and Drew took a shuddering breath, wiping his eyes before turning. He saw me and his eyes widened, and he started crying all over again, collapsing in a chair next to me. For a moment I didn’t know what to do, but then I hesitantly reached out and took Drew’s hand in my own, and he looked up, his eyes puffy and red. He looked terrified, guilty, and like he cared. I smiled at him, letting go of his hand to stroke his cheek. His eyes widened in surprise, but he leaned into my hand. I grabbed his arm and gently tugged him closer, and Josh excused himself. Drew was so close I could count his freckles if I wanted to, and I could feel his breath on my lips.

“I’m sorry I scared you,” I whispered, staring into his gorgeous blue eyes. They shocked me every time.

“Don’t be. I’m sorry I was so stupid, I shouldn’t have stopped talking to you, I was just upset. I’m so sorry, I’ve been a miserable excuse for a best friend. I’m-”

“Oh shut up,” I breathed, then I kissed him. 

He pulled me closer, and I twined my arms around his neck. He was hesitant, I kissed him harder. And then, finally, he kissed me back. His lips parted and closed again, and I wanted more. I wanted him. But he pulled away and grinned at me. I smiled shyly at him, brushing a stray strand of hair away from his face. Then the doctors came in, announcing they needed to finish up. He hugged me hard then stood up, making his way towards the door. 

“Wait, don’t leave me,” I begged, suddenly scared again, and he turned back to look at me, smiling with his eyes, too.

“Never.”