Journal of Staciâ Laurént

October 14, 2023

Dear Journal,

Tonight was supposed to be perfect. Homecoming. The dress, the dance, the laughter. It was everything I dreamed of. But now, as I sit here in my room, the weight of what happened is crushing me. I can't breathe. I can't think. I can't escape the image of those headlights, the sound of the impact, the silence that followed.

October 15, 2023

Dear Journal,

I didn't sleep last night. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw it again. The road was dark, and I was driving home, still buzzing from the dance. I didn't see him until it was too late. He came out of nowhere. I felt the car hit something, heard the thud, and then... nothing. I stopped, but I couldn't bring myself to get out. I was too scared. I drove away. I left him there.

October 16, 2023

Dear Journal,

I can't keep this inside. It's eating me alive. I keep replaying it in my mind, wondering if I could have done something differently. Maybe if I hadn't stayed so late at the dance. Maybe if I hadn't been so distracted. I don't know who he was, but I can't stop thinking about him. Did he have a family? Friends? Did he survive? I don't even know.

October 17, 2023

Dear Journal,

School was a blur today. I couldn't focus on anything. Every time someone looked at me, I felt like they knew. Like they could see the guilt written all over my face. I saw a news report about a hit-and-run. They didn't have any details, just that a man was found on the side of the road. I felt sick. That was me. I did that.

October 18, 2023

Dear Journal,

I can't keep this secret. It's too heavy. But I can't tell anyone either. What if they hate me? What if they turn me in? I don't know what to do. I feel so alone. I wish I could go back and change everything. I wish I could make it right. But I can't. I'm trapped in this nightmare, and I don't know how to wake up.

October 19, 2023

Dear Journal,

I saw his face today. Not in real life, but in my mind. I don't even know what he looked like, but my imagination has filled in the blanks. He was young, maybe in his twenties. He had a family, a life, dreams. And I took that away. I can't live with this guilt. It's suffocating me.

October 20, 2023

Dear Journal,

I tried to talk to Mom today. I wanted to tell her everything, but the words wouldn't come out. She asked me if I was okay, and I just nodded. How can I tell her that her daughter is a monster? How can I make her understand? I don't even understand it myself.

October 21, 2023

Dear Journal,

I went back to the scene today. I don't know why. Maybe I thought it would help. Maybe I thought I could find some answers. But all I found was an empty road and my own guilt staring back at me. I stood there for what felt like hours, just staring at the spot where it happened. I felt like I was drowning in my own shame.

October 22, 2023

Dear Journal,

I can't keep living like this. I need to do something. I need to make it right. But I don't know how. I thought about going to the police, but I'm too scared. What if they arrest me? What if they take me away? I don't want to go to jail. I don't want to lose everything. But I can't keep this secret either. It's tearing me apart.

October 23, 2023

Dear Journal,

I wrote a letter today. I didn't send it, but I wrote it. I confessed everything. I told the truth. It felt good to get it all out, even if it was just on paper. Maybe one day I'll have the courage to send it. Maybe one day I'll be able to face what I've done. But for now, it's just a letter. A secret confession that no one will ever see.

October 24, 2023

Dear Journal,

I don't know how much longer I can keep this up. The guilt is consuming me. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't think. Every time I close my eyes, I see his face. Every time I hear a siren, I think they're coming for me. I can't live like this. I need to find a way to make it right. But I don't know how.

October 25, 2023

Dear Journal,

I talked to Nate today. I didn't tell him everything, but I told him enough. I told him I did something terrible, something I can't take back. He didn't judge me. He just listened. It felt good to finally tell someone, even if it was just a small part of the truth. Maybe one day I'll be able to tell him everything. Maybe one day I'll be able to face what I've done.

October 26, 2023

Dear Journal,

I went to the police station today. I didn't go inside, but I stood outside for a long time. I watched people go in and out, wondering if I could ever find the courage to walk through those doors. I don't know if I can. But I know I can't keep living like this. I need to find a way to make it right. I need to find a way to forgive myself.

October 27, 2023

Dear Journal,

I wrote another letter today. This time, I addressed it to the man's family. I don't know who they are, but I felt like I needed to say something. I told them how sorry I am, how much I regret what happened. I don't know if I'll ever send it, but it felt good to write it. Maybe one day I'll find the courage to send it. Maybe one day I'll be able to face what I've done.

October 28, 2023

Dear Journal,

I talked to Mom again today. I didn't tell her everything, but I told her enough. I told her I did something terrible, something I can't take back. She didn't judge me. She just held me and told me everything would be okay. It felt good to finally tell someone, even if it was just a small part of the truth. Maybe one day I'll be able to tell her everything. Maybe one day I'll be able to face what I've done.

October 29, 2023

Dear Journal,

I went back to the scene again today. This time, I brought flowers. I don't know if it will make a difference, but it felt like the right thing to do. I stood there for a long time, just staring at the spot where it happened. I felt like I was saying goodbye, like I was finally letting go of some of the guilt. It was a small step, but it felt like progress.

October 30, 2023

Dear Journal,

I don't know what the future holds. I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive myself for what happened. But I know I can't keep living in the past. I need to find a way to move forward, to make amends, to find peace. It's not going to be easy, but I have to try. For him, for his family, for myself. I have to try.