One Tiny Thing

One day you finally see it...how one tiny thing in your life has led to another. You lost something that was precious, maybe the job you loved or the girlfriend of your dreams, later to find someone or something better. Or maybe you just had a bad experience at the local coffee shop and decided to try someplace new and discovered you love vanilla nut blend.

This could be my best day ever, the beginning of a new journey, or it could turn out to be the worst. It's a crap shoot obviously, but that's life. And this day is already becoming much more than I expected with a twist and a couple of turns.  Each change means my world won't be the same as it was.

Well today is no exception when it comes to that.

It begins with a gift I never asked for, dropped innocently outside my door. My cat is grasping something with bright red feathers. The bird wriggles but doesn’t escape. The cat’s grip isn’t so tight now, but the cardinal wouldn’t be able to break free even if it weren’t so stunned.

“Bad kitty. Leave the bird alone. ”

My world won’t be the same as it was.

Yesterday was very different from the day before. Tomorrow it will be so again and maybe even more. A mass of interwoven situations made of tiny happenings that pass by me like the blur of passing cars on a freeway. I'm driving through my life expecting anything but what actually happens. 

My world won't be the same as it was.

Winter doesn’t pay me any attention when I tell her no. She keeps pawing at the helpless creature while I’m trying to determine if it’s wounded or not. Not 6 minutes ago, I was having my own breakfast, a sausage biscuit and a glass of cold milk. Now, I’m looking down at Winter’s breakfast I just ruined. All the while horrified at what can happen to a sweet, tiny, innocent creature once full of song.  

My world won’t be the same as it was.

The lovely thing looks shaken but not exactly wounded. There’s no blood, no tears in its skin, just a mass of feather and fuzz that falls into my palm. But its legs are both twitching rhythmically. That can't be good. I pick it up, gently making my way to my bedroom to make a safe place for it til I can determine what to do. Winter follows me, whimpering and meowing, letting me know she doesn’t understand. If she could speak, she’d probably be asking what I am about to do with her prize.

My world won’t be the same as it was.

My lips are whispering gentle “I’m sorries” into the spaces of breath between my own and the bird’s. A rhythm beats for every second of this life that still counts but for all I know could be expiring soon before me. Every second I endure seems to fold into another one, creating what will be. I can’t change what happened, but I’ll try to fix it. And after that,

My world won’t be the same as it was.

The Cardinal doesn’t flinch as I gently place it into a shoebox lined with a warm blanket, its legs continually twitching. Tears fill my eyes. There’ve been moments when I envied the bird’s life…the freedom and peace, its lovely song-filled days gliding across the heavens…the places it’s seen. It’s probably been many places between here and the whitest snow of Pennsylvania…

Its world is never the same from day to day...season to season. Even the sky's freedom can't prevent that.

And my world won’t be the same as it was.

Who wants to think of the dangers lurking for such an innocent soul. This time it was just around a corner. 

Am I at fault, if only just a little bit? After all, I was the one who let Winter out earlier than I usually would, released her before the gentle sun pierced the horizon. If I’d just kept her in until the regular time…

Now my world won’t be the same as it was.

Driving the 15-minute path to the local animal rescue, I’m feeling a mixture of guilt and hope, talking to my best friend, Natalie, on my cell. She assures me the local lesbians who own this rescue are the best around for 100 miles or more. The cardinal will be in even better hands than with the local vets. My thoughts wander, moving toward my silly beliefs, doubts, and justifications of myself. Even those can morph in the blink of an eye. I used to think I was the best pet owner around, but now what am I?

Yes, my world won’t be the same as it was.

As I turn into the driveway of the address Natalie gave me for the shelter, a tall brunette with hair cropped close appears from one of the barns. This expansive property has to be at least 35 acres. A large brown ranch-style house sits in the foreground. The woman rushes toward me even before I reach the apex. I roll down my window, but she's already making her way to the passenger-side.

"How is it now?" The pitch of her voice shifts upward in intensity. "Is it twitching anywhere? Natalie said there were no open wounds, right?"

" Right, but I noticed its legs are twitching a lot."

I drop my head now to stare at my feet, a mixture of shame lingering that matches my feelings of ineptitude.

"Let me take a look. Oh, you're a pretty, tiny little thing."

There is pity and kindness in her tone as she adjusts her voice to nearly a whisper.

I lift my eyes and take in the sight of her, which has become simply breathtaking in the state of mind I'm currently in.

And the calmness in her voice reveals steadiness, a raw strength i can't help but feel drawn to...

Once we get the bird inside, and she's had a closer look, she gives her prognosis.

"Mostly, it's just stunned from what i can tell. I don't believe there's any permanent damage. I can do something to calm it. No charge, of course. It's lucky. Its wings are fine...no need for me to pull out my sewing kit."

The sound of her chuckle as it rolls out after that statement tickles a soft spot in my soul. Her soothing voice and those sparkling brown eyes make me blush and look away, but her smile is already creating a river of joy that surges through my soul. I shouldn't be thinking that way at a time like this.

But now my world won't be the same as it was.

"Do you mind taking part in a small procedure. If you'd even call it that. But I may need your help. I promise not to bite. " She grins and pinches my arm. Her brown eyes sparkle, peering deep into my own for a few seconds before they dart elsewhere.

The word “bite” resounds my mind a few times, bites through my shame, then re-stirs my curiosity about her. I step inside her home where there are so many wounded strays, some in kennels. Biting is something she is always mindful of with so many creatures being taken in.

Soon, I’m observing in the next room, one constructed for her “vet” procedures. She has the bird in hand, gloves protecting her skin as she works to get its beak open.

“I’m giving it an anticonvulsant. It will probably fall asleep afterwards,” she chuckles again like before. This time the walls seem to catch the sound and send it back to me.

My world won’t be the same as it was.

So, are you married? Ya have any kids?”

I’m a little startled at the question.

“No, I’m…”

I’m dressed in a flannel shirt and basketball shorts. My hair stuffed under a cap. A nose stud and 4 sets of earrings in all the right places on my ear. A rainbow bracelet on my wrist. What about me looks married with 3 kids of my own I haven’t figured out.

“You're a lover of women like me, I see.” Her blue eyes twinkle again. I can’t help but glance down at her left ring finger. There isn’t even a light crease of prior engagement.

My world won't be the same as it was.

Here comes that smile again. The one that almost mowed me over the last time, if I’m honest with myself. And I realize she’s just playing with me now. She knows full well…

My world won't be the same as it was.

“Your bird will be fine. Don’t worry.” I'm thinking how the bird i'snt really mine, but now it feels like it, now that I've been through this experience.

And her voice is the calmest, most reassuring I’ve heard in a long time. “By the way, I’m having a little friendly get-together a little later in the week. Wanna come to it?” Her voice has now become like silk, so inviting.

My world won't be the same as it was.

“Sure. That would be---lovely.” I smile back at her, my own voice nearly giving way to my nervousness.

And my world is not the same as it was…

It probably won’t ever be again. But that's okay... 

I’m not sure I will ever want it to be.