Sunflowers

It was all golden.

Golden fields reaching out as far as the eye could see, shimmering with the golden rays of the gleaming sun. The only exception being the baby blue expanse of the never-ending sky, littered with the dollops of fluffy white clouds like whipped cream. There she was. Lying on the field of gold, in such tranquil serenity. Eyes shut, chest slowly rising and falling, soft breaths only she could hear.

So bright. Can’t even open my eyes.

A cool breeze passes by, stroking her strands of dark hair.

I think it might rain.

The sun would disagree; its golden performance too powerful to let any heavy rainclouds interrupt it. When a thought invades her otherwise peaceful mind, she opens her eyes and sits up. Palms firmly on the ground steadying her as a dizzying feeling suddenly makes her grimace in pain. Out of the blue, it felt to her as if the whole world was a globe on a stand and someone just twirled it around and abruptly brought it to a stop, causing everything inhabiting it to blur out of focus.

It doesn’t look like it’ll rain. There’s not a single dark cloud in the sky. Why would it rain?

Not particularly enjoying the feeling of sitting up, she lies back down on the field crowded with what seems like a thousand sunflowers. All of them swaying with the soft breeze and staring longingly at the sun; so passionate and alive.

She falls asleep in the company of the sunflower’s symphony, and she dreams.

It was all dark.

Raging sea and screaming sky were what it was. Inky black flooded the ceiling overhead and the only time there was any light at all was when the lightning would strike followed by the clap of thunder. A stark contrast to the golden sea and vibrant blue sky. A ship having trouble staying afloat and the turbulent waves doing all it can to drag it down into the unknown underneath. There was water everywhere; below and above. Heavy droplets of cold water plummeting down onto the shimmering wooden floors of the ship. The people aboard the ship all struggling to stay put, searching for anything to hold on to. The ones who failed, like raindrops, plummeted down down down, into the sea’s firm grasp.

The raindrops, like teardrops, fell hard and fast onto the roaring sea. Another scream rips through the sky, and a blinding white light encompasses the horizon. Powerful gusts of wind tear through the sails of the unstable ship as if blowing violently through strands of someone’s hair.

The smell of wet soil and fresh rain. Is this even a dream? It feels so real.

Am I aboard this ship? No, I’m not. I can see everything happen as if I’m suspended in the air. No… as if I’m floating high above somewhere.

I feel so heavy as if there are a thousand bricks piled on my chest. So much pain. Is it my pain, or someone else’s? It just won’t stop raining. It’s getting worse and worse. It seems like the ship might tip over. It’s so dark too. I can’t see a single thing; only vague shapes my mind is creating. I wish I could wake up already.

The sky keeps weeping and moaning with no intention to stop. Then all of a sudden, a brittle voice cuts through the noise of the splashing waves, creaking wood, and the symphony of the rain. A distinct voice, coming from seemingly everywhere; above, below, and all around. It was a woman’s voice. A familiar voice, related with pleasant memories and warmth. However, the way the voice sounded now was anything but warm. It sounded broken and pleading. Gradually, the background chatter of the storm quieted down into a buzzing hum and the voice became much clearer. Soon, words could be understood.

“You need to wake up”

Over and over and over again, that sentence kept getting louder and clearer. In an instant, that dizzying sensation clouded her mind again and the words faded into a distant buzzing sound like an incessant fly buzzing in your ear. The buzzing turned into an escalating static noise like that of a radio, getting louder and louder until there was no sky, no sea, no ship. Only darkness; and static.

Then came the pain. Then she opened her eyes.

It was a searing, burning pain like a million red-hot needles poking your legs all over. Warmth covered her hands and she could tell she was lying on her back, facing the sky.

The sky. Open your eyes. Open your eyes now.

Mustering all the strength she had, she opened her eyes and looked at the sky. It was a dark sky. However, it wasn’t completely dark like in her dream. It was navy blue, sprinkled with a million little stars. It was beautiful.

She felt the cool drops of water on her cheeks, her forehead. She then realized she could only see using her right eye, as her left eye was blurry. Something else cascaded down her forehead, her left eye, and down to her chin. Something warm and something dense; blurring her vision. Something which was definitely not water. Ah, right. The pain. This isn’t a dream anymore, is it?

At that moment, everything snapped back into focus. She wasn’t dreaming anymore. This was real, and she couldn’t feel her legs. She could feel her hands and she recognized the warm touch enveloping them with such care. Such a gentle touch, she had only ever felt from her mother.

Yes, Ma. You were calling me, weren’t you? Well, I’m here now. Please don’t cry.

What sounded like fully formed sentences in her head, didn’t come out exactly like that. All her mother heard was gasps and wheezes; incoherent mumbling, holding absolutely no resemblance to the daughter she once knew. That didn’t stop her from holding onto her daughter’s limp hand a little bit tighter though, in fear that if she didn’t, she might just disappear.

I can’t move my legs. I can’t even remember how this happened.

Then the bright yellow peeking from behind her mother opened the dam and the realization came flooding in.

A sunflower. Your favorite flower.

You aren't supposed to be here. You died. You're dead. The sun was shining the day you left me, and now there's only rain. The only thing you left is this sunflower. A beautiful gold in an ever so grey canvas. Much like you.

Rain.

Bright golden light.

Dizzying feeling.

Pain.

That’s what you get for stopping in the middle of the road to look at a sunflower.

The wreckage of the damaged car crushed her legs completely. A stream of warm blood trickling from the gash on her forehead, blinding her left eye almost completely and causing her head to pulse and spin uncontrollably. The pain was almost gone, and so was the touch she longed for so much. The warm blood coating her palms mimicked the warm touch she missed so much. Trying as hard as she can, she curls her bloodied fingers around her mother’s hands, only to feel nothing at all. The sky is crying. Teardrops; so delicate against her cheek.

Don’t worry, Ma. I’m right here. The stars are looking really beautiful.

She closes her eyes and the light fades and darkness comes extending its hand.

She falls asleep in the company of her mother and the symphony of the stars.