A Stormy Decision

Aaron eyed the monstrous mass in the distance, sparks of lighting illuminating the dark cloud's features, followed by the boom of thunder. It would be a while before the storm reached the boat, enough time for him and his wife, Lexi, to reach shore. 

But would he have enough time? Could he muster his courage and fight back the raging fear in him to talk to Lexi before they were back on solid ground?

“Storm’s coming. Maybe we should head back to shore soon.” Lexi appeared from the cabin and stood close to him at the railing on the aft side of their small sailboat. 

“I think we have time. I love watching storms roll in.” He said, his throat tight, making every word difficult to get out. He knew what he needed to say, and this was the reason for coming out here. 

Lexi leaned into him, running her hand through the crook of his arm. At any other time, he would relish this closeness, this bond between husband and wife. A bond unbreakable and yet easily shattered. 

He sighed long and deep, hoping words would start flowing out, but none came. He needed to tell her what he had done. The trust he had broken. The betrayal. Two weeks ago he had been on a business trip in another state, gone from home for only four days and it had been a good meeting, with a promotion on the horizon. And so, Aaron celebrated the last night there by drinking and drinking and drinking. But a little drunkenness wasn’t the problem. It was the woman at the bar who ignored the ring on his finger, who was barely twenty-five and full in all the best ways. He took her back to his hotel room.

Now he had to confess. He had to do the right thing, as his friend said. But it was a lot easier to think that was the right thing then that it was now. Aaron’s stomach churned, and he felt like leaning over and puking his guts into the ocean, or better yet, throwing himself in and letting the waves crash over him until he was no more.

“Is there something on your mind?” Lexi asked.

Wind slapped his face, and the boat rocked unevenly under the choppy waves, the thunder booming like his heart, the inevitable drawing near.

“No, I’m fine.” 

She pulled away from him. “I don’t remember you fearing a storm.”

He looked down, his knuckles white from gripping the railing. He let go and shook them. “Weather is unpredictable.” 

“I’m going to start the engine. Can you secure anything loose on the deck?” Lexi said as she walked away from him. It was now or never. He picked the boat so neither of them could run away and hide from this, but now it's all he wanted to do. His chest tightened, as if he was being pressed together. The salt water tasted bitter on his lips and the rocking boat made him stumble, even though he was a seasoned sailor. 

What if she never found out? It was a one night stand and telling Lexi might do more damage than good. You will hate yourself, his friend had said, dismissing the idea of keeping it a secret. She deserves to know. 

“Wait.” He called, his voice small and uneven.

She turned to face him. “What?” 

“I… I…” A wave crashed against the side, spraying him with frigid water. The storm drew near, the wind swirling, the waves pitching the boat and the sky fading to black. Thunder boomed ominously, a warning to get out, escape, drop everything and run.

Looking at Lexi, he wondered how he had betrayed her. Her bright, curious eyes and her reassuring smile. She made him laugh, always there to banter with him. She was there to listen during the hard times without judgement or impatience. She was a wonderful wife and an even better human. 

She deserves to know.

Aaron opened his mouth, the storm crashing down on him, his heart like a cyclone, his body shivering with fear. 

“I made a mistake.” He said, and then the tears flowed. Big wet tears brimming with shame and hatred for himself.

Lexi’s eyes glistened, and she took a step closer. “Go on.”

“I slept… I got drunk on my last business trip and slept with another woman.” Each word came out choppy and with the effort of pulling up a deep sea anchor by hand. Aaron placed his hands over his face and bent over, soaked from the crashing waves and the beginning of a downpour. 

After what seemed like minutes, he glanced between his fingers. Lexi still stood there. She hadn’t run away or slapped him. Her non-reaction scared him more. It pained him not knowing what she was thinking. Yes, hurt filled those eyes, but what else? 

The rain soaked both of them and the clouds rolled over, lighting striking the oceanclose to the boat. 

“How could you?” Lexi asked, her voice rising above the torrent.

“It was a mistake. A foolish, selfish mistake.” Aaron was sure his chest would burst any moment. 

Lexi drew close enough to reach out. He stepped back, cowering, his knees threatening to give out due to a combination of the swaying deck and the turmoil in his chest. 

“We need to get out of this storm,” she said.

Through the rain, he saw tears falling from her eyes. He had broken her trust and her heart. Her lips quivered and her face turned red. He imagined her running down the docks back to their beach house, tossing her clothes in a bag and leaving. This might be the last time he saw her.

“Don’t leave me, please,” he begged, his voice shrieking above the tempest. “I love you.” 

“I won’t,” Lexi said, but there was no emotion in those words. “Now let’s go.”

She turned, and he followed her like an injured puppy to the wheel. The whole way back, she refused to look at him, steering the boat hard against the waves. He felt sick, his body threatening to collapse under the pressure of guilt and shame. 

The boat whipped violently back and forth and he gripped tightly to the railing the same way he held onto the only two words saving him and their marriage. 

I won’t