The Essence of Time

“Tick, tick, tick” the rhythmic ticking was my first memory. The sound vibrated through my body as I felt the seconds drain from the countdown carefully etched into my genetic code. My mother gazed down at me, her tight blonde curls cascading from the silver pin neatly holding her hair back from her face.

“Close your eyes tight and imagine a large clock, but don’t tell me what you see. It is for your eyes only.”

I squeezed my eyes together a little too tightly just like I did on that day 23 years ago. As the darkness of my eyelids receded, I saw the clock. All its intricate gears coated in brass, a spindle spinning in perfect time. I felt the pause of the seconds ticking along with the blood pumping through my veins. The date rolled out like a scroll over the hands of the clock that continued to run in circular motion.

“Did you see it?” My mother questioned; her voice eager to fill the void of silence that encompassed the room.

“I did mama, but I won’t tell I promise.”

“Good girl” The wrinkles on my mother’s face evaporated into a smile as she pulled me tight. The scent of cinnamon I could still smell if I focused hard enough.

Back then the ticking never bothered me. I basked in the essence of the time I knew I had in front of me. It wasn’t until my teenage years that I fully understood the burden the image of the clock held. If I had made my own choice maybe I would have chosen not to know the day I would die. Mama said some people choose to live that way, but curiosity got the best of most of us.

Mama knew something that day that I didn’t. She knew she only had a year left with me.  The pressure she must have felt to make every turn of the clock count was palpable. No one shared their date. It was a burden to be carried alone, although with Mama I knew our time was dissipating as I watched it drain from her eyes as her day drew closer. The premature wrinkles on her face a stark warning of her impending departure.

“Is this seat taken?”

Snaping my head up abruptly, our eyes met. His brown hair was messily strewn across his face, His eyes a deep evergreen.

“Nope your good” I responded trying to regain my composure from the depths of my subconscious. 

“So, what brings you to this part of town?” He said as he slouched down into the plastic bucket seat next to me.

“What kind of question is that.” I responded dryly. There was only one reason people waited in this specific waiting room. No one needed to ask.

A playful smile danced across his lips as he peered at me through his tussled hair.

“No please, just another day I promise That is all I need” Shrieks filled the lobby as We both simultaneously turned our heads to see the spectacle in front of us.

A man who looked to be in his forties was surrounded by two security guards dressed in deep blue uniforms with golden stripes stitched down the sides. The official uniform of the timekeepers, or so we called them. They were responsible for any time related crime. People get desperate when their date nears.

My heart sunk into my chest. I didn’t have much hope for my case although I was still hoping my circumstances would afford me an extension of time that could be added to my clock. The reality of my situation was starting to feel grim as I watched the timekeepers pull the yelling man through the lobby in handcuffs until He collapsed at the door his clock gridlocking to its final tick.

“My names Ethan by the way” he said turning back to face me.

“Blaire” I responded heavily under the weight of the room.

“Nice to meet you Blaire, so do you know your time?” He asked bluntly.

“You’re not supposed to tell anyone” I stuttered over my words shellshocked he asked the forbidden question. Was he testing me? Maybe he was an undercover timekeeper determined to undermine my appeal.

“Don’t worry I am not one of them.” He gestured his head toward the timekeepers stationed at the front doors like statues. Their presence loomed over the building like a storm cloud just before it releases a torrential downpour. For a spilt second, I questioned if he read my mind.

I couldn’t help but notice his demeanor. The weight the rest of us carried, he wasn’t chained to it.

“Blaire Lowstein” a thin women dressed in a black suit with thick brown hair brushing the top of her shoulders scanned the waiting room, her mouth pulled together into a scowl. I sharply inhaled the stale air around me as I made my way to the front of the room.

Before I could meet her gaze, she motioned for me to follow her with the pull of her index finger.

Turning to the side I stole one last glance at Ethan. Our eyes met as he futilely sunk deeper into his seat.

“What is your business here Ms. Lowstein.” We had arrived at the office of the thin woman. The walls were pasty white, stacks of paper were neatly piled on the lone desk. I carefully lowered myself into the chair meant for visitors.

“I work in agriculture research, as you probably already know. I am requesting an extension to my time to complete research on our depleting food supply.”

The woman peered down at me confusion reflecting in her stare. “An extension.” She repeated as if she was trying to feel the girth of my words on her lips.

“Denied” she said apathetically. She proceeded to slam down a heavy silver stamp with the words DENIED onto the paper in front of her.

Staring down at me she jeered “there are others to continue the work.”

She wasn’t wrong in her assessment. I guess all of us in that waiting room felt like they had a good reason to extend their time.

I dragged my body back to the waiting area amused to see Ethan in the same position as when I left him.

“I am guessing you didn’t get the answer you wanted huh?” He greeted me with a sarcastic smile.

“You don’t know your time, do you?” I replied ignoring his question.

“Nope” he answered nonchalantly. “Want to grab a coffee?”

“I guess” I responded. What did I have to lose?

We walked together past the timekeepers still stationed at their post. As soon as we hit the crisp spring air a block away Ethan turned to me grabbing my shoulders. “I know how to erase the memory of your time.”

My heart stopped. Erase the memory of my time? The possibility never occurred to me.

“Close your eyes. Imagine the clock but spinning in reverse.”

Before I could change my mind, I closed my eyes and imagined the clock. Suddenly the hands came to a standstill as a cold sweat poured over me. I imagined myself pulling the hands the other way. Suddenly the clock started to move on its own backwards.

I slowly opened my eyes again as they focused on Ethan’s face.

“What is your time?” he asked eagerly.

Staring blankly, I looked up at him. “its….I….I can’t remember”

The smile he gave me earlier in the lobby reappeared on his face.

“See now you can live…..” his smile turned blank as he stared off past my head into the distance. I saw the clock gridlocking in his eyes, the same way they did when it was Mama’s time.

“No!” I yelped clutching at his hands.

I vowed that day to live in a world without the essence of time. I was finally free.