Moments

Colors of burgundy and green swirled and simmered as the scent of lavender softly sifted into the air. The window was open ever so slightly, letting in the first rays of a morning sun. Jade stirred methodically as she let the herbs take their place in harmony, creating a perfect concoction of ease amidst her wooden spoon. 

Birds chirped outside; it was early spring. There was something about Spring in the mountains that was comforting to Jade. Something about the air, the sounds, and the smell. Jade closed her eyes and took a deep breath, as she filled her lungs with the aroma of a new day.

Today was one of those days in Jade’s life that she needed to prepare for. Once a year, she let herself just be. Be in the moment, and be aware that she was still just human. A human who could laugh and could cry, and could slow down, even just for a day.

Up until now, her 31st year on this Earth, Jade had lived a long life. It’s funny how some people gripe about how short life is, and how fast it seems to evade them. Jade didn’t share those insights.

In fact, she felt as if she had lived 100 years up to now. 100 years told in moments, not in time. Years of experiences, trauma, beauty, tragedy. Moments that impacted her and aged her. Experiences that made life real for Jade. It kept her in the present, and always aware. It all made life feel long.

It didn’t make Jade love life and living any less; it just made her carry a little more wisdom in her journey than her counterparts.  

She reflected on her life briefly, thankful that her life had been full of so many moments. So many memories.

But she was tired. She closed her eyes as she fought to clear her mind from the moments that fought to cloud her mind. Only years ago, she was fighting to achieve something. She didn’t know what exactly she was working towards. Happiness, she guessed. But wasn’t everyone? 

Her life was filled with happiness and pain, intertwined into a tragic beauty that she was accustomed to living with for most of what she could remember of her life.

Eight years ago, Jade was in New York, running late for work and waiting impatiently in the Starbucks line for the clerk to take her tea order. She had never taken the time to think about different kinds of tea, then. As long as it had caffeine and tasted decent, it was an okay choice for her. She scrolled through her phone aimlessly, unaware that her foot was tapping on the floor beneath her.

A few moments later Jade was back out into the early Spring air, her face in her phone as she turned to walk down the street towards her office.

Sounds and chaos are what followed. Almost too many sensations to experience in less than a moment, she afterwards thought. Jade stared out of her window hard, trying to let herself go back to that day. Her memories are a bit blurry after the sounds. When she opened her eyes again, there was only pain. Pain and confusion swamped her brain, as she found herself awake and in a hospital room.

A driver had hit her, is what she was told. A normal human being, doing their ordinary things on an ordinary morning, had swerved ever so slightly, hitting Jade as she walked down the street that morning.

Jade fought to find some reason to justify why she had almost died that day. Drunk driver? Texting? Did the driver have a seizure and become unconscious? Did they lose control, were they at fault?

The answers to all were no. This was hard for Jade to come to terms with. As the weeks and months of her rehab continued, he mind raced to find someone or something to blame for what had happened to her. She could feel it poisoning her mind, making it hard for her to focus on healing. She was wrapped up in trying to find something. She didn't know it then, but she knew now that she was looking for the wrong thing.

She came to the mountains four years ago to find that something. She wasn’t sure what she was looking for, but wasn’t that the point? Jade didn’t believe in looking for something you couldn’t yet understand. The goal can only be reached through the journey. It took her a long time to see that.

She knew now that you couldn’t just achieve something or become something. These things came from moments and perspectives and time. Things one could only gain from living. 

She took a deep breath of the crisp air and lifted the lid from her pot. The smell barroled out into a cloud of calming and peace that slowly steamed warmth onto her face. She smiled.

Tea was a constant in Jade’s life that she needed. She diligently tended to her herbs in the garden she loved so. With care and sun and time, she grew them carefully, until it was time for them to contribute to her journey of peace. She dried the herbs, taking care not to let the leaves brittle and break. She kept bundles in mason jars, each labeled with care. Lavender, Jasmine, Ginger, Mint.

 Each morning, she took care to boil a pot of water, and let the leaves fall in as she stirred them into harmony with her spoon.

This is what brought Jade peace. Even the smallest of moments, like taking the care and time to make tea, is what she found comfort in. Jade loved that first sip of tea in the morning, as she prepared her mind for another day of living. She looked forward to the sensation she felt from the warmth of the water as it ran down her throat and through her body.

She worked hard at taking the time to feel these moments, as she let the herbs release their secrets of healing into her. The smells and taste made her remember that she was alive. Even these; the simplest of moments, even ones with just herself and tea, are what Jade needed in her life. Moments where she could hit pause, and just be. Tea made these moments real for Jade. It awakened her senses, reminding her each morning, along with the mountains, the air, and the sun, that she was alive, and she was living.