Struggles

"Are you coming tonight?" Jacob asked. Ezekiel thought hard about it. Should he say yes or no? He preferred to stay at home than to go to parties but at the same time he didn't want to let his friend down.

" Ok I'll come." He said despite having a bad feeling about it.

"Great I'll text you the address and you better make it this time no buts!" Jacob said with a grin.

What could Ezekiel say? His friend had already become familiar with his antics of cancelling the last minute. Even if he could come up with a genuine excuse Jacob would be sceptical.

That night Ezekiel got the text address. He sighed. Deep down he was hoping it wouldn't push through. He got dressed in his best attire and took a taxi. While he thought of how he was going to meet complete strangers, a sick feeling crept from his gut. Would he make a fool of himself like he did in highschool? Would people mock him for how he had a gap in his teeth? Or maybe it will be….

"Stop it Ezekiel! You are overthinking again. Just relax!" He told himself.

The taxi stopped and he got out. The house was booming with the loud beat of the music. Flashy lights pierced the windows alerting everyone that people were having fun and partying like there's no tomorrow. Ezekiel's phone rang and he answered, it was Jacob and he came outside to meet him.

He had already been here way early seeing he had a strong smell of alcohol. He grabbed him happy that he had made it. So many times he had told him that he needed to get out more. Ezekiel didn't necessarily hate going out but it needed to be in moderation, he would find himself recharging a lot more than the time spent outside. It was almost counter intuitive. He however, did feel lonely at times and wished he had someone who could see the world as he saw it, someone who could relate to him. He felt people were too superficial, ever on their phones like zombies. Sometimes he wished he was born in those early days because he believed things were much better.

Jacob introduced him to his clique of friends. There was Thomas, Simon, Evan, Tyler, Fanny, Nicole and Jessica. 

"Great, now I have to meet these guys!" Ezekiel thought with dread. He could always tell whether he would get along with other people within the first few minutes of meeting them, rarely has he been wrong, granted sometimes he has been caught off guard and had deep conversations with other people who might not look like it but right now, he was sure nothing would come of it.

"Hey I have seen you in class, but have never seen you talk!" Nicole said.

"Really! Why are you so quiet? " Fanny interjected.

"Hmm let's see how do I even answer that? You don't see me asking why are you so loud! Can't you guys just understand that some people are different?" Ezekiel thought. Of course he couldn't answer her like that, rather he said.

"I actually do talk."

"Wait, are you the guy in the group presentation who was totally shaking and stuttering last week?" Thomas asked.

"Perfect so I was the talk of the whole school!I knew it! " Ezekiel thought. 

It had been the latest most embarrassing moment of his life yet. Now he was not going to forget the shame he felt. It will haunt him till he dies.

"Man give the guy a break geez!" Jacob had come to his rescue. We are all human here. Hey I remember that incident with Mrs Sanchez when…"

"Dude! We agreed never to speak about that!" Thomas said. He was already turning red.

Everyone laughed. Simon asked about Angie, the girl that Jacob was dating and why she didn't come. Jacob just nonchalantly said that something important had comed up. Angie was one of the hottest girls in the school. She was the talk among the guys. Whenever she walked past, guys would literally break their necks just to capture that mental picture. Ezekiel was not immune. He had admired her from afar. He wanted to try and start a conversation but couldn't. His heart beat louder as he tried to imagine how the whole situation would turn out. He had already had his heart broken so he was also afraid of facing another heartbreak. The last one lasted for years; he couldn't imagine another one. Here was Jacob not that handsome but was dating the hottest chick. He was happy for him but was a bit jealous of how he had his life going well. If only he had a fraction of his confidence.

"So last week Tyler and I went on a hiking trip. It was the best place I have ever seen." Evan said.

"Right! I felt bad that we had to come back. I would probably live there, you know." Tyler said.

"Oh please you would be experiencing fomo and be begging to come back to social media!" Evan laughed.

"Still, the outdoors are good like a detox from all these electronics." Jessica added.

" I also do like the outdoors... " Ezekiel wanted to chip in.

"Hey Jess, so did you travel to Mexico with your dad?" Fanny asked.

"Yes, I actually met a cute guy over there but my dad would not have any of it."

"Did you get his contacts though?"

Jessica shook her head with disappointment.

"I bet he was called Enrique?" Thomas joked.

Ezekiel was a bit offended that he was cut short. Was he the only one experiencing this or what?

"What about you man? Simon asked him. What have you been up to?"

Ezekiel now had the whole group's attention. He never liked being in the spotlight. He usually liked staying in the shadows. The sick feeling started again.

Was he quivering?

"Well I met my friend from Canada. He had come for a visit." He said.

In reality this was nine years ago, he had lost touch with him already and they barely spoke. Sometimes he wondered if he had forgotten about him. Ezekiel mostly spent his time reading books, playing online chess, watching documentaries, maybe seeing Jacob and back to bed. That simple life is too boring for most people so he had to feign to at least be doing something worthwhile.

After that the group went back to dance and got more drunk. Ezekiel found a corner and just watched. He wondered why people get drunk. What was there to gain? A hangover? Vomiting? Being robbed? Someone taking advantage of you? Yet everyone was doing it because everyone is doing it! 

Looking at the time he realised that it was getting late. He told Jacob and they all decided to go together.

"Don't be a stranger!" Simon called out from the cab.

Ezekiel just nodded his head and waved. Finally he was back to his simple life. He made sure not to wake up the rest of his family and quietly went to sleep.The next day, Ezekiel was walking to school when he encountered Evan approaching in the opposite direction. He thought maybe he should turn back and hope he doesn't see him or he could find a longer route or maybe just pretend that he hadn't seen him. He chose the last option.

Let's just say it didn't go as planned Evan did recognise him. Later on Jacob met him and asked why he assumed Evans like that.

Ezekiel pretended that he was not aware of the encounter. He wondered if he was convincing enough. But why was Evan so worked up like that? He barely spoke to him the other night and it's not like they were friends or anything! They then went to class. After the lesson ended Ezekiel then met Nicole. Since his full proof plan had failed, he felt obligated to greet her.

He gave an awkward "Hey"

"Hey" She responded.

She thought that maybe he wanted to talk so she paused for a while. Ezekiel noticed that and started panicking. He wanted to salvage the situation but the damage was done. It soon morphed into a cringe moment and there and then he begged for the ground to swallow him or anything to save him. 

Nicole then said she had to go to a class and Ezekiel was happy she left. Later in the afternoon Ezekiel was thinking of how he would have to be greeting Jacob's friends whenever he met them. It would go on and on until he would just get tired.

"Aargh!"he let out a groan. Could he have avoided making it weird the moment he greeted Nicole? Now they are sure to gossip about him and how he is such a loser. He thought.

He received a text from Jacob that he wanted him to join him for a birthday party of one of his friends. Ezekiel thought about it but decided he had had just about enough of parties so he opted to catch up with the novel he was reading and enjoy his warm blankets.