Seeing Ian

Seeing Ian

    “It is a Great evening for a walk downtown. This is fun Matt!!” I said.

Matt is my boyfriend.

   “Look--there is a bucket band playing down the block. I have watched them before. Would you like to walk down there and watch them for a bit?’ said Matt.

   “Yes--let’s go!” I said.

    We walked towards the bucket band. There were 2 guys with drumsticks hitting various sizes of buckets. There were about 10 people standing and watching. One guy caught our attention. He was as entertaining to us as ‘the band’.

    The guy had a small towel on the ground. He had a small backpack on the towel.

He opened the backpack. There was a bottle of water, a comb, a half bag of chips and a half bag of candy. His routine was listening and dancing to some music, eating a few chips, eating a handful of candy, having a swig of water and combing his hair. He repeated this many times. He was not talking to anyone. But he was happy and having fun. 

    About 30 minutes later, we left.

    On the drive home, we were talking about the music and the guy. We named him 

‘The Fan’. He seemed like a nice guy and he was very entertaining!!

   A month later, Matt and I were on the Subway home from a movie. We saw the guy we named, ‘The Fan’ on the Subway. He had his backpack on. He was alone and happy and was doing line dancing while the Subway was moving. He was a good dancer. We were again entertained by him. Our Subway ride went by fast as we were watching ‘The Fan’.  He was still dancing happily when we left the train at our stop.

  When we were home, Matt and I talked about ‘The Fan’.  We were trying to figure him out. We did not think he was homeless. His clothes were clean. His appearance was neat. He did not bother anyone nor ask for money. We were curious about 

‘The Fan’ but deduced that he was happy and ok.

  Over the next few months, a few times, we thought of ‘The Fan’. When we walked downtown and took the Subway, we looked for him. We thought he was entertaining. Also, we wanted to see him to ease our minds. Since we always saw him alone, we often wondered if he was ok. We did not see him downtown nor on the Subway. We figured that since the city has over a million people, the chances of seeing him were slim.

  We talked about ‘The Fan’ with our friends. All of us had theories of him.

A few of the theories were: Drug Addict, Alcoholic, Loner, and even a trust fund recipient. We showed pictures of ‘The Fan’ that we had taken the first time we saw him. None of us could not agree on the story of ‘The Fan’. But we were intrigued by him.

    As the months  went by, we reminisced about ‘The Fan’ less and less.

  One evening after going out with friends, Matt and I were on the Subway. We saw ‘The Fan’.  We were happy to see him!! He looked the same as a few months ago. He was wearing his backpack. He was clean, as usual. He was line dancing on the train. It was Great to see him!!

  All of a sudden, we heard a man yelling profanities on the train. Sadly on the Subway, it is not rare to have people with issues on the train. It is not rare to have someone yelling profanities either. ‘The Fan’ stopped line dancing and walked towards the man that was  yelling. Matt and I stood up. We wanted to see what was going to happen. We were nervous that ‘The Fan’ would be yelled at or worse, assaulted.

  We wanted to be ready to assist ‘The Fan’. We were surprised by what happened next.

    ‘The Fan’  walked slowly towards the man yelling. As he was walking, ‘The Fan’ was talking in a calm and low voice. 

    John” said ‘The Fan’, “It is me Ian. You are going to be ok. Please choose a seat and sit down. We will talk.”

  ‘The Fan’ repeated this a few times as he slowly approached John.

  John stopped yelling and sat down. ‘The Fan’ aka Ian, sat next to John. Ian gave John a hug. John started to cry loudly. Ian spoke calmly and said, “John, I understand that you are not having a good day. We are only a few stops from my Apartment. Do you want to get off with me? I will make your favourite food--Macaroni and Cheese. Then we can talk. You can stay overnight.”

  Matt and I sat down. We were shocked. After months of wondering about 

‘The Fan’--oops Ian, we were more surprised by this interaction.

  John and Ian kept talking. 

  Matt and I were convinced everything was ok and walked off the train at our stop.

  We talked on our way home and at home about Ian. We were so quick to think something was wrong with Ian. Yet Ian was just a nice guy living in the big city.

He was not much different than us. He took the Subway. He went downtown. He liked music. He liked to dance. He was a good guy. When he saw John, he did not hesitate to stop line dancing to help his friend. Some people would have ignored John. But, Ian helped his friend and in helping John, he helped all of us on the train!! 

  We felt guilty for ‘judging’ Ian. He seemed ‘different’  to us and our friends. Yet he was a good guy.

  The next day, we called all our friends. We wanted to let them know about Ian. But, mostly, it was our way of easing our conscience about Ian for judging him. We had made fun of him with our friends. Even if Ian had not been  a good guy, we realized that we did not have the right to judge anyone!!

  Our friends were surprised to learn about Ian and also felt awful about judging Ian.

They were also relieved to know more about Ian. Though we had judged Ian, we also all felt concern for him before we knew more about him.

  For the next few weeks, Matt and I went downtown alot by Subway. We were hoping to see Ian. 

  We were getting discouraged about not seeing Ian. But, we knew that one day we would see him.

  It was winter and Matt and I were at the mall downtown. We were walking when we both suddenly stopped and looked at each. We looked at each other with surprise yet with happiness. We saw Ian!!

  Ian was sitting at a bench with his backpack. He was alone and was watching people as they walked. There was room on the bench. Matt and I sat next to Ian.

We started talking to Ian. Matt and I had hoped for many weeks to see Ian. We had never planned on talking to Ian. Yet, when we sat next to Ian, it felt natural to start talking to Ian.

  We told him our names and he told us his name.  Matt started talking to Ian with a Hello and a quick chat that the mall was very busy.I chimed in with smiles and head nodding. Then I said, “Ian, we saw you a few weeks ago on the Subway. We saw you talk to  a man named John. You were calm and hugged John. We wanted to let you know that you are a Great friend to John.”

  Ian said, “Thank you. John has a hard life. I met him a few years ago sitting right here. John sat next to me just as you and Matt sat next to me. I could smell alcohol on John. At that time, John was not homeless. He was going through a divorce. His wife left and moved in with a guy she had been seeing while married to John. John loved her very much and was so sad and angry. He and his wife did not have kids. John did not want to tell his family and friends and coworkers that his wife left him. But, since I did not know John and he was drunk, he felt comfortable talking to me. Over the years, John became an alcoholic. He lost his job and his house. He became homeless. I would sit here once a week waiting for John. Sometimes, John would sit here and talk to me every week. Sometimes, I would not see John for weeks or months. But, when John and I see each other, it is as though no time has passed. Sometimes, I take John to my apartment and feed him and have him stay with me for a week or two.

When John is staying with me, he does not drink alcohol. But after a week or two, John leaves without a Goodbye. Sadly, I know it is because he misses alcohol. 

I feel sad when he leaves, but I always keep hoping that one day, he will stop drinking. Also, I know that John remembers where this bench is located. No matter how drunk John gets, he remembers who I am and where to find me. I have been sitting here longer than usual. I have not seen John for a few weeks since he stayed with me after the Subway incident. Each week, I sit here and hope to see him. I worry about him when I do not see him But, all I can do is keep coming to this bench. When I see him, I just try to be the best friend that I can be to him.”

  Wow--Matt and I were at a loss of what to say.  Ian was an Amazing person.

  Matt was the first to speak. He said, ‘Ian, you are a GREAT person!! You are a GREAT friend to John!! What can we do for you? What can we do to help John?”

  Ian replied back, “No one has ever asked me either of those questions. I am 40 years old. I left home when I was 16 years old. My Mom and Dad were violent alcoholics. When I was 16, I finally had the courage to walk  away. I have tried to contact my parents and other family over the years. My parents were scared that I would tell family and authorities that they were violent and alcoholics. So, they made up lies about me. Sometimes, I walk past my parents house, just to see them. They are now in their 60’s. They are still drunks. I am sad and I miss them. But, I am still scared of them after all these years. So, I do not talk to either of my parents or any of my family.  I have never finished high school. I have been working at the Grocery Store in this mall since I was 16 years old. It is a good job and I like working there. I do not talk much at work to my coworkers. I do not have friends. I do not know how to make friends. John is my only friend.”

  Matt and I both said at the same time, “Ian, you have 2 friends right here. Ian, we would be honoured to be your friends. You are a wonderful person!!”

  Ian started to smile then cry. The 3 of us hugged. Then John arrived. He sat on the bench. The 4 of us hugged. 

  When I woke up this morning, I never thought that I would call Ian and John my friends. Yet, I feel so honored to call Ian and John my friends.