MY THANKSGIVING PLEDGE: Thanksgiving, 2021

MY DEAR FELLOW AMERICANS,

I was fifty-nine years old when my parents died, and I inherited my grandparents’ photo albums, as well as my parents’ photo albums. I still have them at age seventy-five. Most of the people pictured there are dead now. Every once in a while, I pull out one of the albums and remind myself of all the love and memories packed into them. Photography made it possible to capture frozen moments in time that otherwise might’ve slipped into memory’s shadows. I was one of the lucky ones born into a loving family who wanted only that every family member be healthy and happy and able to navigate the inevitable challenges of life with grace fortified by love.

When I leaf through the pages of those photo albums looking back through the years, I can see that legacy of love, clear-eyed and true.

When the family would gather to share a meal or have a visit after being apart, we were so appreciative of the gifts of laughter and shared moments that we gladly obeyed the unwritten rule of “No talk of politics or religion.” We were polite and joyful. We knew which of us leaned in one direction or another in both those categories, but love and being alive together counted most. After all, it was the United States of America. We weren’t required by law, geography, or culture to all be in the same political party (if any), go to the same place of worship (if any), read the same books (if any), watch the same news channels (if any), see the same movies or TV shows (if any), or listen to the same music (if any). As a child I was acutely aware of this unspoken pact among the members of my wider family from both my parents. My mother had been an only child, but her father had 12 siblings who all had children, which meant I had lots of cousins. My father himself had six sisters who all married and had children, more cousins. What was required at those family gatherings was that we be kind and respectful. In later years, as the family contracted with deaths and expanded with births, its diversity expanded as well. We also included friends at our gatherings that were welcomed and accepted for who they were. What remained at the core was love, always love as manifested in kindness, thoughtfulness, and respect. Today, when I watch the news or read newspapers (yes, I still do), it is the loss of kindness, thoughtfulness, and respect among families and friends that I feel most keenly now in our politicized and weaponized world. It is kindness and respect I yearn to see return to interactions at gatherings of families and friends, because such gatherings are where change is first possible.

I talked about this in long, deep talks with my father during what turned out to be the last year of his life 16 years ago. He and Mother died three weeks apart that year. She went first and he followed after, so they were spared seeing the current weaponizing of politics and religion that has poisoned our cultural landscape in the years since their departure from this Earth. They lived through truly troubled times such as the Great Depression, World War II, McCarthyism, and more. They loved the USA and acknowledged the messiness of a democratic republic, but knew the dangers of an autocratic/despotic rule and deplored that. They applauded the passage of the Civil Rights Act, saying it was long overdue. What is remarkable is that they saw themselves as regular Americans willing to change laws for the benefit of all Americans. Nothing more. Nothing less. For years, they weren’t even registered in the same political parties. Love was their foundation.

I know our democracy is not perfect and needs upgrading for the 21^st century while maintaining core values of justice, rule of law, honor, honesty, inclusive voting rights for all adults, and understanding that meets the needs of all the people. We need to take a good no-nonsense look at what an upgrade would look like. I have thought a lot about this and wish to share some of those thoughts with you, my fellow Americans. I yearn to see a democracy working equitably for all Americans, a democracy that is stronger than it ever was in the past so that our republic stands firm and true to the principle of self-government eloquently described by Abraham Lincoln as “government of the people, by the people, and for the people.” We need to look at the flaws and failings, as well as the strengths and achievements, of our governing documents and history. After all, in comparison to other countries, we are still relatively young. Many countries are hundreds, even thousands of years old. Others have come and gone. No longer in our infancy, we are perhaps like a teenage country, having gone through much in our roughly 400 years, developing, expanding, warring with ourselves, questioning, arguing, compromising, innovating, and learning, as well as repeating lessons we should have already learned, but didn’t.

           I would like to see and live in a democratic republic where it is understood, accepted, and promoted that everyone has the right to vote and that the candidate with the most votes is the winner. Other candidates concede their loss to the victor, and then, if they wish to do so, work with fairness and diligence in the next election to win the most votes. Cheating and lying would not be an option in the republic I wish to see. When I was a child, being educated in public schools in the United States, we had annual elections for class officers and school officers from the fourth grade on through high school. There was a process we followed. Sometimes I ran; sometimes not. When I ran, sometimes I won; sometimes not. Those elections were part of my civics education. My father and I talked about those elections and the life lesson I learned from those childhood experiences in the democratic process. Sometimes you win and sometimes you lose. We talked about how that is true in many areas of life such as getting a job, keeping a job, sports of all kinds, success at something one tries, or failure and having to start over, and yes, in relationships with others, as well. We talked about competition and cooperation being embedded within our American culture and how those are sometimes out of balance, with competition even amongst teammates, being problematic to success. What I pray is not irrevocably embedded in our American culture is hatred of one’s competitors. Thinking of a relative (kin) or friend (kith) as an enemy because that person is not on your “side” has not been the case since the Civil War when families spilled each other’s blood. I am horrified to think that is where this poisonous hatred may be taking us today. I pray we will all come to our senses before it is too late.

My family of kith and kin has expanded over the years to become even more diverse than when I was a child. I liken that to having a cornucopia of blessings, because this diversity has widened my perspective on life, while remaining firmly set on the foundation of love manifested through kindness and respect. I see so many of my fellow Americans struggling to get through these times in which we are living without kindness and respect as their guide, because they have imbibed the poison of fear and hate of those who differ from themselves in politics and/or religion. This toxic fear and hate have been promulgated by some Americans in power usually for the purpose of getting more power or retaining power, and such actions have had disastrous results for our republic and our citizens and their families. All of this makes me very sad and more determined than ever to strive to be the change I wish to see.

Let me describe that change to you.

I wish to see kindness, mercy, fairness, trust, balance, understanding, self-control, compassion, and equal opportunity everywhere throughout our land, no matter people’s ancestral origin or geography. I wish to see these characteristics fill the lives of all of us that live in our young country. I wish to see Americans stop embracing the poison of hate and instead embrace the joyous elixir of love in all ways, always. I wish all Americans to understand that we will not always agree with one another. We can agree to disagree on various issues. I wish to see that in addition to competition, which is already present in our culture, that we acknowledge and practice more cooperation for the common good, respect for those who hold opinions differing from our own, that we take responsibility for our words and deeds, as well as practice patience with ourselves and others in order to lift ourselves, our country, and our planet out of the destructive darkness of hate and fear into the creative light of understanding and caring.

These are my thoughts this Thanksgiving as I take a nostalgic look back at what was and then turn the wheel of time in my mind picturing what I yearn to see beginning now and spreading throughout the United States and around the globe taking us into the future where the United States may truly become a beacon of inspiration guiding others on Earth to come together and seek to be the best they can be as sentient, caring human beings. To such a path, I dedicate myself. I hope millions and millions of other humans will also do so. I do not know whether I will live to see the change I wish to see or not. Nevertheless, this Thanksgiving of 2021, I pledge to strive to BE the change I wish to see.

Happy Thanksgiving to you all.

Love and courage,

Your Fellow American