Fearless Love

 My hands were shaking as I knocked on the door. I wasn’t sure if I was going to be getting an answer or worse yet if the door would be slammed shut in my face. The wind was rustling through the trees and rain was steadily coming down. It was a cold autumn night and honestly the warmth from the inside of the house would have seemed irresistibly inviting if it weren’t for the given circumstances. 

     I had made a mistake. I had met my girlfriend Gracie about six months ago and she was everything I had ever dreamed of. We were inseparable and did everything together. But when Mya, one of our high school cheerleaders suddenly came onto me, I couldn’t help but fall for her. She was beautiful, popular, and knew how to have a good time. Just being around her automatically made me more popular and for a guy like me, who was usually cast into the shadows and forgotten by the majority, it was like living a fantasy. So for the last three weeks, Mya and I had been hanging out, nothing too serious, but we had a few overnight stays. I had never told Gracie about it because how could I? I didn’t want to hurt her but living life in the spotlight was too enticing for me to give up. 

     However, life took an unexpected twist last week when Gracie found out about me and Mya. Mya dumped me when she found out and I suddenly realized what an absolute fool I was for giving up a girl like Gracie. I knew my chances were slim to none but she was too special of a girl to at least not try to fight for. I wanted her back, her smile, her sassiness, her laugh, the way her brown eyes  sparkled in the sunshine. I didn’t deserve her but I was prepared to get down on my knees and beg for her if I had to. I wouldn’t give up easily.

    Suddenly the door flung open and Gracie stood right before me. 

    “Gracie,” I said, “please give me a chance to explain myself.”

     “Why should I believe anything you say?” she snapped back, “you lived a double life and cheated on me. I have nothing to say to you and I really don’t ever want to talk to you ever again.”  

     “Please, just give me a chance even if you don’t believe me, don’t you want closure at least on what exactly happened?” I pleaded, “just let me explain myself and the fool I’ve been.”

     “Whatever,” she mumbled. 

     I followed her into the kitchen, which smelled of warm apple pie. There was a candle burning on the counter and fresh baked cookies were lying on the dining room table. None of the kitchen lights were turned on but the gentle, flickering flames of the candles lit up the room giving it a warm glow. It was unbelievably awkward, but we each pulled up a chair at the dining room table almost like we were interrogating each other rather than having a simple discussion.

     “Let me just start out by saying how unbelievably sorry and disappointed I am in myself,” I started, “I know I don’t deserve a second chance with you and I don’t deserve to be forgiven but you’re too special to me not to try.”

     “Jack, if you truly cared about me and loved me you wouldn’t have gone off with another girl, so I don’t really know why you’re even here,” she said, “just go off with Mya and live your happy lives together.”

    “I can tell you what happened,” I replied, hastily, “you know I’ve always been an outcast. At school, with friends, sports, anywhere I’ve always been the one that had few friends and even less popularity. I never stand out, nobody ever notices me and for a few bleak moments I thought that popularity and being seen was worth losing who I actually was. For a while I gave myself up to endless parties, trying to live in the spotlight I always thought I wanted. But after seeing you at the party last week, I realized how stupid and foolish I’d been. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I still love you. I got caught up in the moment and yes, I did things I regret, but I couldn’t live with myself without at least asking you if you’d take me back. Please forgive me. I want your whole heart and I know I couldn’t ever repair the damage that I’ve done in a moment's time, but I hope that as the years go by, I might be lucky enough to have the chance once again to prove to you my undying love.”

     By this time, we both had tears in our eyes. I wiped my eyes with the sleeve of my jacket, intently looking into her eyes, waiting desperately for a reply.

     “I-I don’t know what to say,” Gracie said sniffling, “I still love you too, but I feel like I just can’t trust you anymore. Trust is the most important thing in a relationship and once it’s broken it’s almost impossible to mend without a lot of work. I appreciate you coming by and taking the time to explain everything to me, but honestly at this time I don’t think I’m ready to move past it. All the betrayal and hurt is just too much to take right now.”

     My heart sank within my chest and I felt sick to my stomach. I couldn’t argue with her though. I had done what I could, but if time was what she needed, I would do as she wished.

     “I understand,” I said, with tears still in my eyes, “but I still want you to know, I will wait for you. Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be here waiting for you, I’m willing to prove my loyalty to you no matter how long it takes.”

     I stood up from the kitchen table, and left her alone in the flickering candlelight of the kitchen. The harsh wind and rain beat against my face, along with the tears coming down uncontrollably. 

    I got into my car and slowly drove home. It was one of those moments when you truly don’t understand life. One of those moments when you’ve given it your all, but still come up short. But your decisions do have consequences, and even though life looked bleak now, I would stand by my words. I would wait for her, until she was ready to forgive me and move past everything. Because even with everything that had happened, we both had said we still loved each other and maybe it wasn’t the right time for us now, but I still believed that at the right time, we would be reunited as the lovers we were always destined to be.