Daemon

06/24/2020 - 6:30 AM

Look at you, trying to live without me. You believe that you are better now, capable now. Don’t try to hide the truth. You kept me here in my small prison locked away when all you had to do was toss me out.

I watch you as you prepare for another big day. Look at you trying to be healthy, the room is filled with the smell of spinach, a dash of cheese, spices and eggs.

You know just as well as I, what would go good with that. You failed to reach your goals yesterday, but hey, you tried right, you attempted and now you have some fantasy that you’ll get it. You’ll never get it. Your incompetence is undeniable now isn’t it. 

Denail, denial, denial, that's all I see. Before, yes, yes indeed, this behavior I speak of was denial, denial of who you believed you could be. But know you’ve taken your shot. This feeling of betterment you have is a denial. A denial of truth, a denial of your old ways.

The ways you can’t run from. The things that make you who you are, what you are. So go ahead. Continue to deny it. Deny me, deny yourself. You’ll come back to me again. You always do.

Just think about it, maybe you don’t have to think of it as accepting defeat, maybe, just maybe this time you can say its celebration. And it never needs to stop, “you..earned it.” 

A celebration, just for you.

There you go out the door, out into the wider world. Away from these thoughts, away from this thing. Away from me, but you’ll be back, love. You always are.

Go forwarth now, go about your day. I know you’ll come back to me. I’m not worried. Play pretend, just a little longer.

06/24/2020 - 5:30 PM

It's nighttime now. A steamed cup of hot cacao was set next to you as you relax in that armchair. You sit huddled there, eating up a good book. A real page turner by Stephen King. Each page bleeding with detail. Each interaction, each bloody grisly end leading closer to more secrets revealed. A look of joy upon your face. Silence in the room was shattered by the next sudden turn of the page. I watch you reach out a hand to grab the cup of cacao and drink a nice swig. The loud slirp of the sugary rich chocolate fitted in perfectly with the comfort and peace of the dark yet warm homely space, a place of peace and warmth with the cold wintery hands of the outdoor world trying to reach in. I watch you move the cup away from you, but before you can place it on a table you stop as if frozen. A chill suddenly embraced the room as if the hands of winter itself had crept through and found its way along with the hobgoblins of the season, the pesky creatures of the night. 

You clear your throat and slowly, slowly look over at the mug. It was as if a soft hissing sound could be heard, the hot steam rose and appeared to be in a weird way almost alive. Then the voice returned. My voice.

You know just as well as I, what would make that cacao extra special, don't you. You can’t deny it. It's true, you threw your stash away, or you tell yourself that, yes, you tell yourself that, but, but, but, but I’m still there, hidden away, you pretend it's not really but you can't deny the truth. That thing you fear is still there…I am still there.

There's a reason you kept me.

You need me. You need me, you need me.

“Are you ready to let me out of my cage?!”

“Ah don’t worry, Don’t worry.”

“You will be…”

Hands shaking now. I can see a bit of the dark brown liquid spill out the side of the mug and onto the table. Your hand slips and the mug bangs onto the table. It was already so close that it wouldn't have fallen over from this, but with your hands shaking so much it ended up dangling off the edge of the table. It clatters to the ground and a piece of the mug cracks. The face of the smiling fairy is now cracked across the mouth. The once cheerful character now looked grotesque and horrid as if someone had slit their mouth ear to ear with a jagged knife. The hot cocoa pools around the mug and in the darkness appeared as if it were a growing pool of blood at a crime scene. 

I laugh as the book slips out of your hand, its face open, not safe from the expanding pool of sugary milk chocolate. The white pages of the book quickly soak up the dark brown liquid. The stories captured within being washed away by the all encapsulating sugary mess.

You bury your face in your hands, I now hear a cry of anguish from you as the hot tears began streaming down your face.

And like that you are left alone in the dark silence with only the small flicker of the candle, knowing full well that my warm embrace would help ease it all. 

08/22/2020 - 6:44 AM

Have you realized yet. That your life is a constant bore now. No high, no low. Think about this concept. You live your life in a boring state, nothing new, no risks. You care too much about your so-called well being. 

I know it. I see it in your eyes. You crave your past. A life where you experienced lows. Oh yes so much low, but your highs, oh the highs, they were exquisite. The rush you’d get as you’d plunge straight back to the bottom. You miss it, we both know that, stop hiding it and accept what is true.

All you have to do, is hop back on that roller coaster. Ride it with me, we’ll do it together. You know where I am. Right where you left me. Now go, let me out, release me so that we can have fun together, do it now. I already see you reaching for the key.

Over here come closer.

I see you approaching, key in hand, ready to release me from my prison, to release us from this life of stability, this life of never ending boredom. We’ll take this journey together. I can feel your cold clammy hands around me. I can feel you at as you pull me free from the dark hiding place you kept me for all this time. We, are about to have some fun, you and I, yes, so much fun. You place me on the counter for later. I will wait patiently for your return, you are not sure what to do, but I know what you will do. I think deep down you know so well. We’ve done this dance before. Its becoming more frequent. You placing me on the counter. To sit while you ponder what you should do next.

08/22/2020 - 5:30 PM

I hear you storm through the door. It slams shut before being locked with a satisfying click.

I just know it but the time is neigh. I see you through the narrow slits pacing back and forth by my prison.

You do this for a little bit. Stopping in front of me from time to time, a little scratch of your head before continuing to pace back and forth. Come on now.

Finally you stop and rush forward. I hear the key insert into the slot. The click as you turn it opening up my prison and like a newborn infant I am quickly scooped up in your arms.

You grasp me in your hands. I can really feel the tension within you now, feel the sweat pool all over your skin, hear your heart beat faster. Faster. Faster. Let me help you beat slower.

Your clammy hands now begin to unscrew the cap. You can do it you cheeky bastard you can do it. Do not hesitate, stop being a wimp.

But instead I feel myself propelled across the room, I do not know why.

I heard a loud crash. I no longer feel your warm touch. As I land I hear a satisfying crunch followed by a small click. A shuffling sound as you search through a drawer another click. I think I can see you shaking but I’m not sure. My amber life blood is leaking from me. I see pieces of me on the ground nearby. The broken mug across from me from the night before my only companion on the cold hard ground. The Glasgow smile of its animated character portraying as much joy as an animal dying on the side of the road, it's back shattered, its legs useless, left to die slowly watching the world continue to turn ever onward. I believe that is what awaits me. What awaits us.

I hear a loud bang. The sound of you hitting the floor and the last thing I see is my amber pool and the chestnut stain of the hot cocoa mixing with a crimson red flow.