Disconnect

Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. Buzzzzzzzz what was that noise? She thought, still half in a dream. An image of bees on a flower floated past before she was awake and realized it was her cell phone on the nightstand. It vibrated softly making a buzzing sound against the wood veneer. Worry bubbled up as she answered. No one calls her at 5 am. No one has called her in a long time. She'd left. There were a lot of animosities. You don't leave your family. You don't leave your town. At least that's what they all thought.  The screen said 2 missed calls and was still buzzing. Henry was on the other side and apparently, he wanted to talk to her badly. Running her hand through her messy blond hair, she said hello. Her voice was still tinged with sleep and worry was forming a knot in her stomach.  

Henry sounded aggravated. He did not want to be calling Beth. She'd left. Said goodbye and rolled out. He was pissed, really. Why did she leave? He couldn't understand but he had to call. Tell her Sarah was dead. Her little sister was gone. He was the one that had found her 30 minutes ago. The needle was still in her arm, her lips blue. Why was she in his truck? The damn girl wasn't his problem anymore but there she was. Guess he wasn't getting to work anytime soon.  

Beth had known when she answered. Sarah had been in treatment three times now. That demon owned her and he took her. She was only 18. Her whole life in front of her, now she's gone. The little girl that followed Beth everywhere would not be following her out of that place, she'd forever be stuck in Centreville.  

Henry's voice brought her back. You'll have to come home. Then he was gone. Just a soft click and nothing more. He'd hung up on her. Disconnected, just as she'd done three months before.

Beth was different than the people around her. She never felt like she quite fit. She was a dreamer and that little town was suffocating her. Her parents and their parents and their parents all made that little piece of dirt a farm. Her great grandparents plowed it and planted it and each generation grew it a little more. Until now. It weighed heavily on Beth. It ends with her. Her parent's faces float around in her head. 

 The looks they gave each other when Beth told them she was leaving. The looks they gave her. Her father just walked out of the room, her mother cried. The plan was Beth would marry Henry and they would take over the farm. That was their plan anyway. 

 It was never Beth's plan.  

Sarah's dead. Sarah's dead. Sarah's dead. Beth climbed out of the bed and walked into the bathroom. The three little lightbulbs over the sink weren't very bright and they had a pink hue to them. She looked at herself in the mirror. Her blond hair framing her face. She wasn't exactly pretty. Her nose was a little too big for her face and crooked from when she broke it. Always clumsy she'd tripped over a crack in the sidewalk, her face catching her fall. It was her eyes that made people stare. The green, like two emeralds shining behind her blond lashes. Tears started pooling in those green eyes before they slid down her face. She brushed her teeth and packed up her stuff.

It was a long drive from the beach she now called home back up to Maryland. She wasn't really sure if her car would make it but she had no other choice. She wasn't ready for this. It was all too much. No one had spoken to her since that day. They were all too heartbroken. The dreams they'd built for her left with her. The problem was they were their dreams. Not hers. She never wanted fields and cows she wanted palm trees and sunshine. It took her years to go. She lived their dreams long enough. But Henry. Oh, Henry. That ornery little boy that pulled on her pigtails and kissed her on the pitcher's mound at dusk. That boy that wouldn't leave with her. Farming in his blood.  

He knew it was her before he saw that piece of shit car she drove. He could sense her. He knew she was close to home. To where she belonged. He still couldn't believe she'd left him. Left everything. It took Sarah dying to bring her back. Would she stay? He knew she wouldn't and his heart would be torn into a million pieces all over again. The door opened and the first thing he saw was the sadness in those emerald eyes. He opened his arms and she collapsed inside. The place she belonged. The floodgates opened and she sobbed. He just held her. It had been three months yet it was like time stood still. He knew she would rip open his wounds all over again but until then he let her cry. She was so brave. He couldn't hold that against her. She knew what she wanted and she was going for it, how could he fault her for that?

Beth cried. She was soaking Henry's shirt with her tears and some snot too but she didn't care. She mourned her sister, though she'd lost her two years ago to that demon. She'd fought a hard battle that ultimately wasn't hers to fight. She'd lost her family when she decided to chase her dreams and she lost the love of her life when he chose the farm instead of her. So she cried. When the tears dried up she stepped back and looked around the room. It still looked like it always had. Dark paneling on the walls roosters and chickens decorating just about every open surface. Even the quilt had a rooster on it. Her mother loved them. She hated them. The place looked so dark. So dull. She felt so sad. She wanted to turn around and get back in her car.  She felt so, so disconnected. She hadn't had enough time to feel connected to her new life either. It was like she was just floating. Not an active participant in life. Her life. It was like something clicked just then. It was HER life they had to accept that and until that happened she was putting it on them. She wasn't going to carry their expectations of her around any longer. She walked into the kitchen and started helping her mother. No words were said but they fell into the old rhythm of things and that was comforting to both of them. It would be a hard ride but isn't all of life?