3AM (#ReedsyBewitched)

(This story contains grief)

3.AM

I hear a blood curdling scream. It wakes me from my deep sleep. I’m hot and dripping with sweat. I turn my head to the right and see the time is 3.am. I’m a little confused, my head is spinning from the scream I just heard. My legs feel weak, frozen in fear, I have a heavy weight on my chest as if I’m being crushed. I’ve heard of this before, I believe it’s called sleep paralysis. 

I’m finding it hard to breathe, gasping for air, I must be having a panic attack from not being able to move! My head spins on and I pass out from the shock.

***

I wake again, I turn to the right it’s 3am, how can that be? I slept for ages when I passed out after hearing that scream before, didn’t I? Now it’s all quiet, I’m no longer feeling scared but I’m still in sleep paralysis, I must be as I can’t move at all. I’m confused about how it can still be 3am? Surely time has moved now? I check again it’s still 3am. I wonder to myself, ‘is this the longest minute in history? how can so much be happening in less than a minute?’ I must have only passed out for a few seconds, even though it felt like hours. 

I need to get up and check on my children. My husband is snoring beside me, he doesn’t appear to have heard the scream when I did? It hasn’t disturbed his sleep at all! My body still feels heavy, but I must make sure my children are ok. I’m starting to feel really dizzy now and it’s getting even harder to breathe to the point, I’m questioning if I am actually still breathing? 

I laugh to myself ‘don’t be so daft Gladys!, of course you’re still breathing, it’s just the shock of your situation, take deep breaths and calm yourself, you will be ok!’. After telling myself this, my body suddenly feels lighter, “see!” I say out loud to myself “you’re ok!”. I slowly sit up. Swinging my legs round to the side of the bed, I try to stand, but my legs give way under me and I see darkness once again.

***

I wake up for a 3rd time knowing time must have moved on by now. But when I check the clock again it’s still 3am. “Maybe the battery died?” I say to myself. I’m feeling generally calmer now. I also manage to get up from the bed, the clock still says 3.am, I check the wire and plug, there’re still ok. The switch is still in the on position, meaning even if the battery were gone the electricity would be working to keep the clock going. 

This is really odd! How can time stand still? I look at my husband, he’s still snoring away, “Ron, Ron wake up!” I say. Just as I’m about to shake him, before I manage to, he roles over and says “ Not now hunny! I need to finish this project for school.” Eyes still closed, I realise if he did hear me, it was as part of whatever he is currently dreaming about.

Typical! Its always up to me to deal with these things. “Hmnerhhhhh” I hear a strange moan. “Who’s there?” I question the darkness. There’s no reply. Maybe I’m still sleeping and this is all a dream? 

I look to the clock again guess what? it’s 3am. By this point I’m no longer surprised to see time standing still. I also have this disgusting, putrid taste in my mouth, as if I haven’t cleaned my teeth ever! I need to go do that right now, I’m sure my breath must seriously stink, just by how bad it tastes, it’s strange I’ve never tasted anything like it before.

As I head towards the bathroom, I’m starting to feel a bit dissociated from my surroundings, maybe I really am still in my bed dreaming? That would definitely explain why even now the clock still says 3am. I go to grab my toothbrush and toothpaste from the sink. As I look up to the mirror, I see her standing right there behind me, as if she’s actually in the room with me.

This is impossible! in all the dreams I’ve ever had, I’ve never seen her this clearly before, it’s as if we are really in the room together. Bizarre! but so lovely to see her again. 

“Megan!” I say out loud. 

“Yes mum it’s me!” She responds, she looks so beautiful and angelic, that perfect smile on her face, she holds her hands out towards me. I go towards her and hug her so tightly, it feels so real. she has a body again, and she smells so sweet, like cinnamon and vanilla, all rolled into one intoxicating aroma that makes me feel happier than I ever have.

So much so I can feel myself lifting from the ground in a floating sensation. I really don’t want to leave, I’ve never felt so light in my life. I’m on a natural high, floating higher and higher, there’s glittery glimmers of light starting to appear, as we are embraced into a dancing spin, laughing together happily. It’s a euphoric feeling. I’m starting to loose sight of the real world, when I see a dark shadow below me. “wait!” I say letting go of Megan. 

I fall back to the floor with a thud . Only the this isn’t a thud where you hit the floor, more like a thud sensation in your heart and stomach all at once, as if you floated above yourself then collapsed back into your body. 

I look at the clock 3am it stubbornly says. I’m back on my bed, Megan has gone. Its like she was never there, except for a distant scent of cinnamon and vanilla hanging around. There’s a fresh tear on my check as I remember my daughter fondly. I now know that I can’t have been awake before. 

Instead I’m in some kind of strange and wonderful haunting dream, that for all I know, I could still be in. After all the clock still hasn’t changed from 3am.

I’m going to go and check on my boys.

It was nice to hug Megan again, but she’s not been with us since she died in 2015.

I think I probably dreamed of her, because I was panicking and needed someone to comfort me. I’ll always unconsciously and consciously miss her, it’s not like you just forget those you loose. They remain in your heart and soul for ever more. 

I’m still feeling a bit weak, but I’m determined to go and check on my boys. I get up once again, my legs are still wobbling, I’m still feeling quite breathless, dizziness spinning around my head. I can again feel the hot sweaty, chest tightening sensation, I felt the first time I woke up at 3am. “Ron!” I go to say to my husband. Only this time the words won’t come. “hmmmner” I can hear that low moaning sound again. 

I slowly make my way to the boys room, my legs go from feeling like they’re walking through treacle, to feeling like they’re lifting off the floor and I’m floating again. 

I get to the boys, one of them appears to be having a scary dream. I stroke his face and try to soothe him with “it’s ok Connor, mummy’s hear”. “Hmmmnerhhh” I hear it again. “Who is that? What do you want?” I ask again to no reply.

Connor turns towards the sound crying in his sleep. I wipe away a tear from his face, and place a kiss on his forehead like I’ve always done. Only this time it feels like an airy brush, as if my lips can’t physically touch his cheek?  

He must feel it though, as he suddenly stops sobbing and a small smile spreads in its place, he says “Mumma” and then goes back into what seems like a happier dream. I smile down at him, my heart swelling with unconditional love.

“No mummy don’t leave us mummy no!” My older son cries out. I rush towards him, to comfort him too “Sam I’m hear, I’m not going anywhere!” I say, only all I can hear again is “Hmmmmneeerrrhhh hummmner”. I reach out towards Sam, suddenly unable to breathe again, feeling like he’s moving further and further away from me. I’m trying to get back down to him “no! he needs my comfort” I think. I’m starting to feel lighter and lighter, those glittery glimmering lights start to reappear, just as that putrid taste returns. I see Megan reappear “Mum!” She says.

***

 I finally realise why the clock says 3am but doesn’t change. I realise the blood curdling scream was my own scream, that woke me while I was going into cardiac arrest in my sleep. It was to let myself know I was dying. The sleep paralysis, was my body being on my bed next to my husband Ron, who I can now see woke up straight after I had screamed out loud. I hear below me “Gladys wake up, no no it can’t be, Gladys, Not now hunny.” Sam comes into the room, he’s pumping on my chest in a rhythmic way giving me CPR trying to save my life. While Ron gives me the kiss of life. Sam says”I need to finish my project for school, I was dreaming about it, then I heard a terrible scream”. 

My pulse has gone, my breathings stopped “hmmmmerrreehh” I hear one final time. 

I realise, it’s me unable to speak anymore but trying too.

I look back down at my family getting smaller and further away. Sam’s now hysterical “No mummy, don’t leave us mummy No!” Ron calls out “Call 999 Connor now” Connor is on the phone a single tear down his cheek, Speaking to the emergency services, “My mum died, In her sleep, she had a cardiac arrest” he says then responds to them. “yes it’s been over 6 minutes! but it’s ok she came and said goodbye to me as she left for good!”. 

Sam and Ron look at him baffled and he adds “we will all be ok, she’ll be watching over us and looking after us all, bringing us sweet dreams. Oh and she’s back with Megan!” Sam has gone very quiet as he looks down at me holding my hand. 

The tears fall from Ron’s face as he looks up towards me. He smiles and says “Gladys if you can still hear me give Megan a big hug from me!” then he looks back down and tenderly kisses my head with “Rest in peace, Gladys, until we meet again!”. 

***

I look at Megan, she says “I heard! it’s already past your time mum are you ready to come with me now?” She asks as she takes my hand in hers. 

I nod, once again I have that euphoric feeling, that deep sense of inner peace, like I’ve never known before. We both turn towards the beyond.

I’d love to tell you how the beyond looks! But I’m afraid I cannot! it’s now 3.01am, my brain has finally stopped working and I’ve already left your world behind.

The End.