Ying-Yang Dynasty

When two people both believe they are right, does it really matter if one of them is wrong, or does it only matter if one is necessarily wrong because it matters to the other person.

It is a question we ask ourselves as a means to keep from believing if we see something, why can’t others? There is no definitive answer.  We have one abiding rule however, and that is when given the opportunity to participate in this tug of war, we must win.

Our assumptions are based not on a scorecard that we keep, that would be too blatantly adverse to our remembrances. We keep speculative examples in our minds where we have access to the results, and a way to arrange them to accommodate what we seek or need to believe.

My associate at work has a slightly less enthusiastic outlook about life; even his own. It may have something to do with the type of work we are engaged in. We are employed as councilors at the Suicide Hotline Call Center. It is a non-profit organization created by several wealthy members of the community, who at one time attempted to leave our earthly confines but failed. 

They have recovered and gone on to make their fortunes in various ways, and feel a need to give back, invest in other’s futures. Our employment is the result of that need, or penance, depending upon how the story and its results are received.

I believed what we do at first, to be a positive response to a negative example of how heavy life can become seemingly unlivable at times. Sherman, my co-worker believes it is all part of a sham perpetrated by those “so called evangelists of hope, to absolve themselves of guilt by placing their previous actions on the psyches of those currently trapped under the weight of the world."

The most words I'd ever heard him speak.

Where I see an evolution from darkness to light, he sees the fact that someone changed the wattage of the bulb. I see the positive nature of giving back, he see the intrinsic nature of deception and profit. “Once a exploiter, always an exploiter, a common proverbial response to a rising number of phone calls seeking redemption; those wishing to crossover to a place where no one is attempting to sell salvation or toothpaste."

Although he doesn't say much, it is instructional when he does.

I of course can only speculate about Sherman’s insight, as he rarely speaks, and when he does he does so in pejorative measures that resemble a cry for understanding.

There have been several complaints about his demeanor when interacting with clients. We are told to refer to them as clients, which I believe has a lot to do with his approach to reciprocal interaction. The reprimands are not about what he says, that apparently is the problem. He says nothing. 

This is a call center where we are to offer advice, counseling, referrals, all as a means of evaluating the status of the one calling, and interrupt their intent and try and dissuade them from doing anything irreversible.

We are to provide an escape mechanism for those walking the tight rope of despair, give them a balancing pole to remain centered until they can receive further assistance in their battle with the demons who continue to place stones on them, waiting for that last breathe to leave and welcome them to the peace of, if not nothingness, something different.

Sherman does none of those things. He simply listens. I’ve watched him eat an egg salad sandwich, while some person was screaming into the phone that she had saved all the pills for just such a celebratory moment.

You would think that he would have reacted to this plea for help, but no; he took another bite of his sandwich and then put the phone down and searched through his back pack for this green mixture he claims keeps him centered.

I’ve tried talking to him about his…I don’t even know what to call it. It isn’t that he is callous or uncaring, it is just that he is so... aloof. I assume just listening is his way of allowing those in need to vent their problems, thus alleviating the pressure that has brought them to the point of departure.

I am sure if he would just talk, allow me to understand his reasoning, that I would be able to help him understand the need to interact, not simply listen. I know listening is a lost art. We are a culture of talkers, screamers, arm twisters, you get the point. But he seems content to sit in his little cubicle eating egg salad when there are lives on the line, at stake. Neither of the words seem appropriate when viewed in written form. Perhaps…but then again…

I realize there is more than one answer to a question, but rarely is there more than one right answer at this particular juncture in life. I don’t see how just listening is going to change anyone’s mind about departing. Obviously they called for a reason. I assume when someone calls they have something they need to talk about. They are looking for dialogue. They are uncertain about the certainty of what they are proposing to do. In our case they are looking for a ladder to aid in getting off the burning roof. I don’t think throwing an egg salad sandwich at the fire is going to put it out, or even minimally reduce the intensity.

But he won’t talk to me about his approach to saving desperate lives. The little he does say, has more to do with the diminishing quality of mayonnaise and eggs, than with the increasing desperation throughout our society.

He says I read too much into what he doesn’t say. He doesn’t actually say that, as he rarely speaks of his condition. I can only assume he is either an introvert, or suffering from a lack of self-esteem, probably both.

I’ve known others like him who have come and gone from this call center, believing they should have done more. Many of them displayed similar behavior to his before giving up and moving on, to where I can only assume they believe, life will be less complicated. A place where they feel more comfortable discussing their own inability to see a reason to continue, with someone with the professional ability to help change an outlook on life.

There is nothing as encouraging as a smile or as depressing as a tear. Those are the words on a plaque Sherman has on the wall behind him.

I know Sherman means well, but how are people to know what to do if you don’t tell them. Remaining meek and mild is a job for Superman, not for those who work at a call center where lives hang in the balance, thank God not ours. Hang?... 

I often wonder if people like Sherman who claim to be content with their lives, aren’t really just indemnifying their feelings of inadequacy from scrutiny. Their inability to express their beliefs and stand behind their convictions, is not helpful in this world of strife and confusion.   

I have to be off. They are throwing me a “sorry to see you leave party." I’m moving up to a supervisory position at “Help Is On the Way.” A new program initiated by our school system to identify problem children before they ruin their lives, by becoming problem children. I will be changing minds and attitudes by preaching the gospel of hope, I assume. Everyone needs to be told from time to time how to act and what to think if we are too keep our society, but particularly our culture free of deviant behavior, thought, and egg salad sandwiches.