The University Student

The University Student

“I don’t understand this world,” the university student agonized to himself. “What is this madness I’ve been thrust into?”  

Nighttime was never a good time for the university student. Exhaustion from reading through the many pages of human life and society throughout the species existence, combined with his anxiety and depression from thinking too much about the darker side of humanity, created a sharp strain on the crown of his skull. He rubbed the hair covering the strain, hoping the ache would subside.

The library closed at eight. He looked at his smartwatch: “7:53 pm.” All the other young faces had left long ago. Some went to spend the rest of the night together; most went to spend the rest of the night alone.

The muffled sound of a vacuum on a different floor signaled the janitorial staff were beginning their shift. The young man packed up his textbooks on politics and history and put on his coat.

The university student’s mind was troubled. He couldn’t stop thinking about the history of humanity: “Hunter-gatherers and tribes, agricultural society and kingdoms, renaissance and enlightenment, industrialization and mechanization, computers and globalization. How the hell did we go from being fish, to then lizards, to then apes, to then humans living in suburbs and cities? And why? Why do humans do the things they do? Why “advance” and “progress;” whatever these words mean? Why create complex societies that involve things like financial systems, economic systems, political systems, and philosophical systems? It’s all made up. Stemming right from the human brain. Why do we do it? Is survival and expansion of our species all we as humans really are when boiled down?”

The dark thoughts that the university student despised himself for knowing were not easily dispelled. He wished he could have them torn out of his memory. The darkness associated with large parts of human history and politics rotted away at his sanity and made it hard for him to see the good in humanity.

 “Thievery, rape, arson, murder, war; such terrible things; such human things. I want to go back to a time when I didn’t know about any of this. A time where I could just be happy not knowing. I was so happy not knowing. Then I just had to go and read books and listen to teachers and now I’m miserable.”

On his way out of the library, the university student stared at the wood-beam ceiling and the stone walls that protected the many books from the outer elements. “One day this library won’t exist. The chairs won’t exist. The tables with the small lamps on them won’t exist. The shelves won’t exist. The books won’t exist. None of this will exist. One day the Earth won’t exist. Where will it go? And what about humanity? We won’t exist one day. And the universe and existence itself will end; but how can universal existence on an eternal scale have an end date? It must though if everything has an end date. Which would make the concept of eternity a human creation. But with every end there is a new beginning, which would mean universal eternity can exist and most likely does.

“This is why I want to be ignorant and believe in heaven. Heaven is such a happy creation, but the damn Atheists had to go and ruin it with their logic and their reasoning.”

Looking through the vestibule, the streetlamp at the bottom of the library steps illuminated falling snowflakes. Pushing open the door to the outside, wind and snow rushed towards his eyes. He tucked his chin into his chest, looking up into the rush every now and then to get his bearings. His mind escaped from the world.

“Wars are caused by change. A war is simply: change fighting change; or change fighting stagnation. I’ve noticed they tend to happen when a group of humans wants the future to look different then the current path the society is on, and they're willing to kill other humans to build the future they envision in their heads. But other humans outside this group either want their lives to have no change because they are content with the current order, or they do want change but their vision for the future is different and so fighting ensues.

“The fighting is at first verbal. The groups talk things over to see if they can come to an agreement; or rather, they spend some time trying to deceive the other group or groups into giving them what they want while threatening force. If the leaders of the groups can come to an agreement, there is peace. If talks fall apart, the lower humans in each of the groups are sent by the leaders to steal from, rape and kill members of the opposing group or groups. And we must remember that thievery, rape and killing are never okay until the elites say they’re okay. Power makes me sad.

“Some might argue that the groups can learn to live apart. But looking at history, the groups almost never go their separate ways until after fighting has taken place and each side has seen they cannot win; causing lots of pain and suffering in the process.

“Something ingrained into human nature or human culture seems to make humans want to enforce their way of living on other humans. Looking the other direction seems to be a very hard thing for human beings to do. And I surmise that this is because a lot of humans tend to think that the thoughts swiveling around in their head are the “correct thoughts,” and everyone else who has a different way of viewing a certain topic is wrong.

“This is why I want to be an ignorant kid again. Of course I can’t. Change happens and we can’t go back. But I can wish if I want to.”

Walking through the university grounds, the university student came upon a grand, brick building in which light shined out through the ground-level windows. As he walked by, he briefly looked through the windows. Inside was a small lounge area he had never noticed before. In the middle of the room a group of six or seven people sat around a table together. Since it was such a brief moment, he was only able to catch a glimpse of a young woman smiling and then quickly frowning before he walked out of view. 

The corners of his lips moved upwards and the muscles in his cheeks tightened. For a second, a merry sound came out of his mouth and then silence. His eyes began to well-up.

“I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. Everything is changing. Everything is temporary. Even the good, the kind, and the peaceful will not last. Why can’t smiling and laughing last forever? Why must change happen? If something is happy and good, why must sooner or later it end and fade into the past?” 

No answers came to his mind, or would ever. It was on that walk back to his room on that snowy night that the university student came to accept, like every human must one day, that change has always happened, and will always happen. And we as humans must be okay with the fact that there is nothing we can do to stop this unstoppable force.