Dream away, my child.

"Freshly cut mangoes, dosas, people, kids cycling, the breeze of fresh air, scooter, colony friends, grandmother, love, laughter, and a mountain of memories."

Raji types this, looks away from her laptop, and takes a long sigh, She is trying hard to write about the summer for a contest as she really needs the money to boost her confidence being an amateur writer, She suddenly closes her laptop and walks away to her desk, picks up her brown diary, opens it, and flips through the pages in a hurry, keeps it back and stomps her feet twice on the ground, grabs her purse and rushes down the stairs only to take a walk on the street, she passes by kids playing hide and seek, Neeta Aunty waving at her from the opposite end of the street, she waves back and starts walking slowly, trying to recollect the memories of her favorite summer.

The thing with Raji was that all her good and happy memories start and end with her grandmother.

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Ever since she lost her, Raji has been confused about a lot of things in her life, her own self, her career, her purpose in life, and her interests, This summer was different than the rest, it was the first summer she had without her grandmother around, she was forced to accept the brutal fact that laid blatantly in front of her, the truth about her losing her favourite person in the world, and sometimes, in life even if you are not ready to grow up, the situation that lies in front of you doesn't really seem to care about your likes and dislikes, now coming back to Raji, she was a child at heart and when I say a child, I mean she was pure and stubborn, she never really thought much before doing anything, if she wanted something, She would really plead for it and it was not a problem for her to befriend anyone, neither was being kind, infact kindness was something that just came to her, just like brushing her teeth, she never hurt anyone, neither did she like if someone would cry or get hurt because of her so she would lie in order to please them, sometimes, she would go too overboard with her lies inevitably hurting at least one person along the way (this is the only unhealthy- hypocrytic trait that she had), but as time passed, she came to terms with the fact that other people's moods were not in her control, in fact, all she had to do was lead an honest life which made her feel at peace, and people around her automatically would feel comfortable, but this summer had other plans for her!

Raji spent a lot of time on social media, and she came across a lot of videos on Instagram about how mental health is important, As she researched more and more about it, the types of disorders, why talking about feelings matters, the significance of the well-being of our minds, almost all summer, she noticed how sad she was, realizing that her grandmother passing away and her desire to disappear, leaving her parents behind was more than just a whimsical thought, it had to do something with her mind being unstable, perhaps, not being able to process grief the best way, she thought.

All her childhood, Raji was treated with love and even on the days she was not, our little Miss. Brightside would always look at the glass half full, she had nothing to complain about, Although her parents would argue with each other most of the time, they stayed together because of her and her brother, She knew they sacrificed a lot to raise her, and the only time she felt the most happy was during summer, when all four of them would visit their grandmother in Coimbatore and ensure Raji had a month of fun, everyone in this small town knew her grandmother, which made Raji feel no less than a celebrity, she was highly pampered.

Both of the siblings used to spend all day playing with kids their age and after coming back home, they would get treated to yummy South Indian delicacies every day.

All the families from the colony would come to greet Raji and her family with the warmest of smiles, snacks, and stories, It was these summers that made Raji a dreamer, she would always take everything in stride, but again, coming back to the present, even though she is adamant to claim that she no longer resonates to

the person she used to be, and isolates herself from the optimistic, nature, and people-loving self in her, She can not stop dreaming, her views about herself right now are that she is a problematic person, one who is constantly at war with herself.

You see, it is easy for her to put everything on herself, This goes back to when Raji was seven years old when she made a pact with herself that she would never blame anyone for what happens to her, She was very particular about this, and, as she grew older, even if some problems were caused because of someone else, she would convince herself that it was her fault, and not let herself feel the pain, hurt, or jealousy, It was her way of running away from conflicted emotions, with a facade of an act of forgiveness, quite a twisted genius, if I must say.

The only times she has ever gotten angry is either due to her own lies or on her parents, Surprisingly the rules of not hurting don’t apply when it comes to family!

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As she returns from her walk with thoughts clouding her head,

making her eyes watery, she opens her laptop to write about the summer she wished she had this time instead of the one she actually did, she continues to weave the spun of lies, her piece titled “An adult summer”.

It is about how the child in her never died, except for the occasional gossiping with her friends, and how she found her love interest in Coimbatore during the summer, making a full circle, She goes on to elaborate on the times she held hands with them and talked about the future, how she introduced them to her grandmother, and how her grandmother distributed sweets to everyone in the colony announcing Raji and her love, she took both of them shopping, made them eat her special dosas and red chutney, how she finally published a book, and how everything in her life is exactly going as she wanted it to.

After finishing her piece, she looks at her writing, and she once again takes a loud sigh, Now feeling grateful that she could dream, she closes her laptop and takes out a photograph of her grandmother from her diary, She kisses the photo and mumbles "thank you, friend, for teaching me how to dream."

Raji always can count on words to make herself feel better, Whatever she is going through, whoever she has become or becoming, no situation or person can take out the dreamer that she is and always will be, all because of an angel- her grandmother.