We Are All Made Up Of Stardust

There's one conversation I will always remember between my father and myself, I was only a young boy back then but his words have managed to stick with me into adulthood. One day I shall recite them to my own children, I hope to be half the man my father was. It all started when he asked me to go on a walk.

“Let's go for a walk,” he said to me.  

“Where to?” 

“Anywhere you want.” I slipped on my red wellington boots and ran outside. “Don't forget your coat! Just because it’s sunny doesn’t mean it's not cold!” I ran back and giggled as he zipped me up, wrapped a warm, fluffy scarf around my neck and placed a blue woolly hat on my head. “Kids these days,” I heard him mumble.

I set off down the gravel path and into the world. I looked back to see him smiling, his grey eyes coming to life, like they used to. It wasn’t always just me and him, I had a mum too, but she got sick. He says she’s not in heaven but all around us. She’s the brightest star in the sky, the rocks on our favourite mountain, the droplets of water that escape when I jump into a puddle. I like when he says that. It makes me feel better. I decided to go to the beach, I know he loves it just as much as I do. The sun shone bright in the sky above us, it was spring, and the flowers had begun to bloom, and I watched as they swayed in the gentle breeze. I mimicked them and held my hands up and moved them back and forth, dad let out a laugh and picked me up. 

“You are so extraordinary; do you know that?” 

“What does that mean?” 

He thought for a moment and continued to walk, “It means that you always manage to make me smile,” he kissed my forehead an put me back down.  

“Isn’t that just being happy?” I asked. 

“Yes, I suppose it is. But sometimes even when people smile, they're not happy.” 

“So, they’re lying?” He takes my hand and I swing it up high then take it back down, repeating the process several times until he replies.  

“No, they’re just trying to show everyone else they're okay.” 

“But if they’re not okay they shouldn’t fake a smile.” 

“Sometimes it’s better to show the people around you that you are happy, even if you don’t believe it yourself.” 

“You mean like when I talk about mummy? You always smile but are you really just sad? 

“My goodness, no,” he lets out a laugh which surprises me. “I love talking about your mother, yes it makes me sad now that she isn't here but talking about her keeps her memory alive. I believe meeting your mother was my destiny, my fate if you will.” 

I nod not really understanding what he meant, I went to ask but he looked so deep in thought I decide not to. We were nearly at the beach now, we just had to climb the pebbles that created a border from land to sea. I huffed and puffed my way up, crawling on all fours at some points but then I made it to the top and took in the view. The sun was sinking below the sea, and everything was beginning to go dark, in that moment the whole world was silent. The only noise I could hear were the waves and the beating of my heart. Bumbum. Bumbum. I walked along the pebbles and decided to sit on the top of the ridge instead of heading down, the tide was coming in and it was too cold to get wet. I patted a rock next to me and pulled my dad's arm to sit down. We both sat in the stillness of the world, watching quietly and making little noise. The idea of fate and destiny were still fighting each other in my mind. 

“What is fate?” I questioned. He looked at me then stared back to the earth. 

“It is something that can never be known. Some may choose to search for it, other might want to fight against it, to make their own future. Some never manage to find it, and some are led by it to do great or terrible things. But they all have one thing in common. None of them can change it.” 

“Then what’s destiny?” 

“Destiny is your future; your actions now determine what your life will become. Each person's destiny is their own to make and isn't set in stone like fate.” 

“Wow...” I stared back at the ocean. “So, which one is true? Surely if you can make your own destiny then fate is wrong.” 

“Who says they both aren't right? Perhaps when you make the decision to go on the other path instead of the one you were on its destiny leading you to your fate.” 

“Thats... scary,” I furrowed my eyebrows. 

“Remember son, no matter what you do, I will always be behind you, following you. Whatever you think I will be thinking it with you.” 

“Is the world alive? That’s what I'm thinking,” I tilt my head and look upwards, one-star twinkles above us, she’s here with us. 

“Of course it is. The world is so magnificent, and I want you to remember that. When things go quiet, and you begin to smile to make people believe your happy, you need to take a step back and go outside to dance or scream. When mother nature stops singing to you, you need to yell at the sky to let the music never die. But most importantly you need to listen to your heart, that is where the world is alive. Right here,” he pokes my chest and smiles. “You have to look after your soul too.” 

“What’s a soul?” 

“It is who you are. It is what makes you a human being. Some say that souls can continue to exist after you pass away and can even make you be reborn. Some souls know each other, like your mother’s and mine, and will continue to find each other in every lifetime. We are all born from the stars, someone us from the same one, and one day we will go back.” 

“Do you know mine?” 

“I do now, and I am so grateful to meet it.” 

The sun had completely disappeared, and the night sky was cloudless and beautiful. In that moment I couldn’t help but think that maybe that is where our souls go after we die. That maybe if we were born from stars then that is where our true home is.