I don’t understand

It happened a month ago and it was an accident.

It started off with my mum saying why didn’t I give being a volunteer at a charity shop a go as I might enjoy it. I’d been working part-time in a restaurant kitchen. It was ok at first but then they kept changing my shifts and everyone was running round all stressed.

I don’t like stress!

Anyway, the first charity shop I went into seemed ok. There was a big model of a dog outside with a slot to drop coins into to help raise money for dogs in trouble. I was surprised to see it as people don’t carry cash around so much nowadays. I put in a few pounds which was all the spare change I had on me. Doing that made me feel good. I like dogs and have one of my own called Murphy who is five years old. As soon as I see a dog and it wags its tail and licks my hand, I like it. A dog’s tongue feels peculiar but in a good way.

Dogs are special and easy to be around. They are not like humans. They accept you as you are.

I can’t stand the thought of a dog being treated badly or suffering. It makes me feel sick. I don’t understand things like that!

Anyway, I noticed the shop had a poster in the window. I read it twice just to make sure I’d got it right. It said.

“We need volunteers.

Can you help on Wednesday morning?”

There was a woman at the till who was wearing a blue t shirt with a picture of a dog on it. She was talking loudly on her phone to someone and her face looked all grumpy. Mum thinks it’s rude when people do that. Like she says it’s not right to ignore a store assistant who is putting your goods through at the checkout. You should put your phone away then. Well, this time it was the other way round. The assistant was the one talking on the phone and ignoring the customers. At one point she groaned aloud. I’ll have to go, she told the person on the other end.

All the while, people kept bringing in bags and donating things into the shop. The assistant told someone the shop didn’t have room to store big things like pictures because of health and safety reasons, and they would have to take them somewhere that had more room. I don’t think the donator liked being told that. Also, the assistant said she didn’t want hangers as the shop uses its own. Their hangers are grey and plastic. The donator said. Can’t I even give you wooden hangers? The assistant said they especially didn’t want wooden ones. Mum says that some of the charity shops that are trying to be all fancy like boutiques have wooden hangers, but you can only get so much on the rails that way. Also, they charge way too much.

I was going ask the assistant about volunteering but I didn’t think I’d get on with her. I kept getting an uncomfortable feeling. She acted like they didn’t want volunteers.

So, I left.

But I don’t understand.

If they don’t want volunteers, why did they put up a notice asking for them?

When I got home, mum asked how I got on.

I don’t know, I said.

Did you manage to talk to anyone about volunteering? She asked.

I just said. No. The person on the till didn’t seem friendly. I don’t think I’d get on with her. She wouldn’t understand my needs.

Mum said don’t let that put you off. She might just have been having an off day (everyone gets those sometimes) and you know how much you like to help dogs. I did try to offer to help at a dog's rescue place once, but they didn’t have any vacancies.

I said, Ok mum, to please you I’ll try again. On another day.

I don’t think mum always understands but she tries her best to be supportive. She’s a good mum. Danni, my sister says we won’t find a better one.

I know that.

The next day in the afternoon, when the sun was out and everything was bright, I took Murphy, my black lab, for a walk round the town park. He is three years old and has bags of energy He went and splashed about in the shallow part of the river for ages and came out all muddy and wet. His face was smiling big time. The trouble is his muddy paws make mum cross when he trails them along the floors at home, but I brought a towel to stop that. Before we went inside, I took a few pictures on my phone and sent them to dad.

I’m looking forward to going to the sea with my dad soon. He likes me to bring Murphy. I usually go with him for a week for my birthday and the best part is getting to go on the stream train rides. I don’t like the fairground rides because they make me feel sick. Not the dodgems though. I like them. I’ve been going to the sea with dad since I was a kid when he and mum got divorced. The air smells great!

My other favourite time of year is Christmas. The nearer it gets, the more excited I get. There are now 222 sleeps till then. Imagine that!! Although I don’t get to spend it with my dad, I have a good time with my mum, Danni, and my stepdad. My stepdad is called Morris and lives with us. He is a lorry driver. Mum makes sure we all have plenty of presents and makes a big fuss. She even gets a present for Murphy which she puts under the tree alongside the others. He enjoys Christmas too.

I did try returning to the shop with the dog model outside because I really want to help dogs in trouble but the same volunteer was in there. She was still talking loudly on the phone at the counter. Her face was set. She looked pissed off.

Why would she want to be a volunteer if she doesn’t like it? I don’t understand. Not really.

While the sun was still shining, I walked down the high street and came to another charity shop which looked ok. They had a train running round on a track in the window bed. I like setting up trains and my big pride and joy was when my dad got me a Hornby set for my eighteenth birthday. That was 2912 days ago. It didn’t take me long to set it up in the garage as I’m quick at things like that. I can also draw pretty much anything accurately. I like drawing trains and cartoons best.

Anyway, this particular shop was set up to raise funds for the elderly so they can have visitors and feel less lonely.

This time I asked the man at the counter if I could speak to the person in charge. A few minutes after speaking through an intercom, the back door opened and a woman with a badge saying Assistant Manager came out to see me.

There were a few people shopping in there.

When I enquired about volunteering, the Assistant Manager asked me if I could use a till and if I minded working with the public as this was what the shop needed.

I said I wasn’t sure about the till. I didn’t know about the public. Maybe there was something else I could do to help.

Er. Might be difficult to accommodate you, the Assistant Manager said. She gave me a funny kind of look.

Then she said, I’m sorry but I have to ask, how old are you? We’re not allowed to take people on if they are under eighteen for health and safety reasons.

I’m actually twenty-five and people often think I’m younger. It irritates me. Like when I want to buy a can of beer and I get asked to provide ID. I’m actually well built and tall.

Perhaps it’s because I sometimes feel younger on the inside than I am on the outside.

It’s just we’re not allowed to have anyone under eighteen, she explained.

Well, I’m not eighteen. I’m twenty-five. I felt a bit cross but tried really hard not to show it.

Oh, ok. Have you helped in a shop like this before?

No. I told her.

Do you enjoy working with people?

I don’t know. Maybe. That’s what I said.

Hmmmm. She gave me another funny look. I must admit I’m not sure how you’d get on with the till. It might not suit your type of person. Might be best if you just do some steaming in the back.

I didn’t understand what she meant by my type of person. It sounded a bit rude. I said I didn’t know about steaming as I haven’t tried it.

Well, you can fill in a form on the internet. Come back in a week’s time at 1.00 and if your reference goes through alright you can start then.

I wasn’t sure but I agreed.

The next week I returned at the right time. My references had gone through ok.

The manager at the Helping Those Who Are Older shop was called Claire.

The first thing she did after showing me round was to demonstrate how to use the steamer safely. It looked like a Henry hoover with a cylinder but without the smiley face on it. It had a grey hose attached to it and when it heated up, steam came out of a nozzle at the top. Claire said to be careful and to make sure the hose bit was replaced safely after each use which I did. By moving the nozzle up and down over the clothes, I got rid of most of the creases. It was working well and I did a whole rail of clothes in an hour.

Getting lost in something means I don’t have to worry. I can go into my own world.

The manager also said that as soon as the steamer made a loud buzzing sound it meant it had run out of steam, and you had to add fresh water from a bottle to reheat it. You twisted a knob to open and used a funnel to add fresh water which must be cold. Not hot. When the steamer ran out of water, it made a loud buzzing noise. The buzzing made me jump out of my skin the first time I heard it but as I was expecting it I didn’t mind too much. Claire had said if you don’t turn it off as soon as it buzzes, the machine will burn out and get ruined and it will take time to fix it. Which she didn’t have.

Claire told me they were short staffed because people hadn’t turned up. She kept getting called away. Basically I was left alone to steam half the morning.

Meanwhile the Donors kept donating. I found it difficult but I did try and ask about gift aid like I’d seen Claire do because if people are taxpayers the charity can get more money or something. But I hadn’t been trained up about that yet. It got hectic and I didn’t enjoy it. I was trying to get a second rail of steaming done but people kept interrupting and coming in with more donations.

It was getting stressful.

Then suddenly, out of nowhere, the fire alarm went off and freaked me out. The noise was terrible. It wouldn’t stop and I had to put my fingers in my ears to block it out.

In the end I got so agitated I had to get away from it. Basically, I couldn’t stand it anymore. I just grabbed my bag and left.

I haven’t been back there since.

Whoever makes these alarms doesn’t understand the effect they have. Not everyone is the same in how they react. If Claire had warned me, I could have left while it was going on. They used to do that at my school. The alarm didn’t seem so bad there.

I don’t understand why she didn’t do that!

When I told Mum about what had happened she said they can’t tell people when they’re going to do a fire alarm test as it would defeat the object. I still don’t understand why they can’t have less disturbing alarm sounds. I had nightmares about it.

Although things didn’t go well at that shop, I still wanted to try another one. Third time lucky, perhaps? My fingers were crossed.

In the third shop which mum said it might have been better to have gone to in the first place, they are raising money to help beat cancer. There was a good atmosphere and they were playing music I liked. There were nice people helping there. They were friendly and respectful.

I explained to the manager I didn’t want to go on the till, and I didn’t want to use the steamer and she said I didn’t have to.

Her name is Rhea, and she said, don’t worry there’s always other jobs I could do. She asked me if I minded checking the toys and games to see if all the pieces were there. Like Scrabble, Buckaroo, Monopoly, and Operation. Scrabble has 100 tiles. Customers get annoyed and sometimes want refunds if there are pieces missing or something isn’t working properly. Would I be interested in doing that? I said, yes, I’d like to do that.

I like setting up things and making sure they’re safe. It’s satisfying. That way I can get lost in my own world.

Rhea said if I came for a taster session, I’d get an idea of whether I’d like to work there or not.

My taster session went well.

Rhea said I could help at the shop every Wednesday if I wanted. She gave me a lanyard to wear round my neck and promised to get me a volunteer hoodie if I stayed longer. I said I’d like that. She said she was just waiting for one of my references to get back to her that morning.

It was funny but the manager from the other shop called while I was actually with Rhea. I heard Rhea say, oh hello, then she went into another room to take the call in private.

Rhea looked worried when she returned to the sorting room. Then she took me to one side and said she needed to talk to me. She told me the other manager had said there had been a problem with me using the steamer and there had almost been a fire because I’d left it unattended and the nozzle had landed on some paper and it had smouldered. Luckily, she was able to damp it down so no real harm was done. She also said she didn’t know where I’d got to because I hadn’t told her I’d left the building. I thought she would have realised it was because the noise upset me.

Rhea said she was sorry, but she’s not sure about having me as a volunteer because she needs to 1. Keep the place safe, and 2. She needs to be sure I can handle all the noise and distractions at her shop of which there are many. She said she was sorry but she didn’t think she could take the risk.

I don’t know whether she understands either. Now.

But I think I was kind of hoping she would get to. In time.

Mum says all the light has gone out of me lately. She says she’s a good mind to ring Rhea up and explain.

I hope I can go back to the shop because I liked it there. Also, I do want to get things right. I’m a hard worker and need to do my bit to help.

Why’s everything so hard in the world today? There’s so many obstacles in the way.

I don’t understand.

Although I keep trying.

I wish people would try and understand more.

Also, if you’re reading this, my name is Jack.