Six Years Ago

Trigger Warning: This story discusses themes of sexual violence and physical violence.

Val pulled his shirt down and re-adjusted himself in his seat, his back to the window with his eyes on the door of the coffee shop. He was antsy, anxious and all other sorts of feelings that he couldn’t put a finger on at this exact moment. He was waiting for an old friend, Hamm, who he hadn’t seen in at least six years. Last time they spoke, it was due to an obstinate disagreement about the situation they had found themselves in which led them to not speak again. Partly, because the avoidance meant they weren’t seen together again and partly because they weren’t sure what to say to one another, or if they could keep their secret any longer. Hamm had reached out over Facebook and Val shook violently until he opened the message,

“Hi Val. Hope you are doing well man! I am finally clean and hoping we can get together for a little chat. I have lots to say, to apologise for, and I really just want to know how things are. How you are, how Trudy is. Can you put aside some time?”

Val sat, staring at the screen for a few seconds before breathing a deep sigh of relief. That wasn’t what he was expecting.

The door to the coffee shop swung open and a heavier-set guy, fairly hipster-ish looking, strolled into the shop and looked around briefly before making eye contact with Val. It was him.

A huge smile came across his face as he approached quickly, sliding between tables with ease. He stood before Val with a grin and spread his arms wide. Val instinctively rose and gave him a big hug. Man did he give good hugs - Val had forgotten about that.

“How the hell are you big guy?” Val asked, and immediately regretted his choice of words. He forgot that Hamm was a bit sensitive about his weight and his newfound pounds may not be well received.

“Aren’t I looking big?” Hamm said jovially, shaking his belly cautiously, “I mean, I have put on at least forty pounds since I quit everything. I feel great, I look like a human again and I actually eat! Speaking of food, can I get you something?” Hamm turned toward the counter and gestured at the signboard above the cash register.

“How about a few cinnamon buns and some coffee to start, get us warmed up!” he said excitedly.

Had he forgotten about the last time they met, Val pondered to himself. Had he really forgotten about what had happened?

“Don’t worry, I am buying,” Hamm said confidently, striding off toward the cash before glancing back at Val, “What do you want?”

“Uhh, an americano - black. And a cinnamon bun sounds fantastic.” He smiled at him uneasily but Hamm didn’t seem to notice.

“Oh man, it is so great to see you!” he exclaimed from the counter as he tapped his debit card against the machine. Val took his seat again, adjusting his shirt and shuffling his feet, trying to get comfortable. After Hamm had returned with their coffee and pastries, he took his seat across from him, folded his left leg over his right and crossed his hands in his lap. Val had never seen this type of behaviour from him before - he seemed like he was doing better than good.

“So, how are things Hamm?” Val said, forcing a smile. He still felt uncomfortable and wondered if the act Hamm put on was real, or if it was a cover-up for whatever was going on. Why had he reached out? Was he going through the twelve steps and it was time to make amends with Val? Was it just that he really missed him? Or was there more to this? Val’s anxiety ran rampant and he couldn’t focus. He missed the first few things Hamm said, and he noticed.

“You alright man? You look, um - well, you look distracted?” 

Val squirmed uneasily, “Sorry, I just had a lot going through my head. It has just been so long.”

“Like I said,” Hamm continued, “Since I last saw you, I have had quite the life. I was lost for a while, somewhere out East after a vacation went wrong. I was homeless for about a year or so, and then found sobriety about a year ago. Since then, I have been going to Church and met a really nice girl named Evelyn. She wanted to be here today but she had an event at the Church she had to be at - she is running a day program for kids whose parents need a break, but can’t afford daycare. She is quite the woman. I have to say, finding God was the best thing that ever happened to me.”

Val shuddered - finding God? Seriously? The guy who always tried to get more fucked up, be more fucked up, than anyone else has now found God? What is wrong with him?

“It really helped my mental health. Since getting sober and turning to the Church, I have been able to maintain sobriety and reflect on the things I did in my past. I want to apologize Val, apologize for everything.”

Val didn’t like where this was going. “Apologize for what? For being a kid? We were barely adults man, just kids in our twenties doing what kids in their twenties do. Don’t think anything of it.”

“It was more than that though Val, and you know it was. That last night - “

“I am going to stop you there. I don’t want to talk about that. I have spent a lot of time, and a concerted effort, on not thinking about that night ever again.”

“But how? How can you live with it man?”

“Because I can,” Val snapped, his voice raising an octave or two higher than he had meant to. Two well-dressed women at a nearby table glanced over at them, and Hamm simply smiled at them with his big, jovial grin. They smiled back.

“I’m sorry Hamm, but if you came here to talk about that then you are going to be disappointed.”

“Not just that, Val, I came here to talk about everything, to apologize and just to say hi. Enough about me, how are you?”

Val studied him carefully, a sense of unease spreading over him yet he wasn’t sure why.

“I am good,” Val started, “Trudy and I are still trying for a kid but we have had no luck so far. Work is fine - I am still at the marketing firm and Trudy is still teaching. Honestly, we are good. And I don’t want that night to rear it’s ugly head again and ruin that…” Val paused and held Hamm’s gaze for a few seconds too long. Hamm looked away and Val thought he saw a slight shudder spread across him, his shoulders barely shimmying.

There was a man in the corner of the coffee shop who had been there since before Val arrived. He kept glancing over at them and Val was beginning to feel nervous, and nauseous. Is this why Hamm asked him here? To talk about that night? Is he selling him out?

“Hamm, why did you ask me to meet you today?”

“Val - come on man. I wanted to say hi and just to see how you were. We used to spend every day together and now, I haven’t seen you in six years. After all that, this is what you keep asking me?”

“You disappear for six years and just decide to show up one day? You decide, ‘Okay, it’s time for me to be in his life again’ and just roll in, acting like nothing has happened nor has anything changed? Really? You are that naive, or simply that fucking stupid?”

Hamm began to blush, “Val, come on man. Lower your voice a bit.”

“Really? Lower my voice? You really are a piece of work man.”

“Me? I am a piece of work? Are you fucking serious?” Hamm was beginning to get agitated. His blood began to boil, his face turned red and his hands were clenched firmly on the table.

“You pull that shit six years ago and act like a fucking saint. You act like nothing ever happened and just go on with life? Like you are something special? You still volunteering at the food bank to make yourself feel better?”

Val glared at him, but Hamm continued, “You still donate to causes that make you feel good? What about women who are victims of sexual ass-”

“Don’t say another fucking word,” Val said quietly, his head bowed slightly with his eyes glaring through Hamm. “Don’t you fucking dare.”

“Dare to do what, Val? What will you do? What you did to her?”

“I did nothing.”

“Really? Rape is nothing?”

“Last time I checked, you were there too and it was your idea, wasn’t it?”

“Your memory is as self-serving as ever Val. Of course you put that spin on it. Is that how you have survived so long? Is that how you keep living this lie?”

Val sat quietly, his arms folded with a stern look on his face. He didn’t respond.

“Listen, Val. This isn’t what I wanted to happen. I wanted to catch up - that was all.”

“Looks like you are doing a great job,” he said in a snarky tone. He looked away and focused on the man sitting near the door. He felt out of place, but Val couldn’t peg why.

Val leaned in so he was close enough to Hamm that only he could hear him,

“I have gone through an immense amount of therapy to deal with what happened. I have fought demons, drank until I couldn’t remember my name and then kept drinking, and lived through months of fucking nightmares. I have done everything I could to forget that, and you wander in here wanting to talk about it again because you are finally not a piece of shit addict. Forgive me if I don’t want to do that. What happened that night wasn’t me - it wasn’t what I intended to do, nor do I think it was what you intended to do. We didn’t mean to hurt her and we didn’t do it on purpose. We didn’t know she was dead when we left, and we still don’t know that we had anything to do with it. When we left - she was ali-”

The door to the cafe swung open at that moment with an intense bang - the man by the door jumped to his feet and approached Val and Hamm’s table with a gun in hand, screaming something about police and freeze. Val didn’t know what to say or do, he just sat there, a stupid grin on his face as if he didn’t comprehend what was happening.

“Val Parsons - you are under arrest for the rape and murder of Cynthia Pompeo, you have -” Val erupted with anger. He began to yell at Hamm and rose from his seat. He leapt across the table as the man approached rapidly, police funnelling in the door behind him. Val tried his best to get his hands around Hamm’s neck, to inflict pain or do anything to this fucking sell-out before he got away with it. Val screamed obscenities at Hamm and called him a traitor before the loud echo of a gunshot rang out through the cafe. Val felt the sting of pain in his shoulder before the warm blood began to pour down his arm. The other patrons in the cafe screamed as the man who was sitting by the door flung Val to the ground, holstered his weapon and cuffed him. He began to put pressure on his wound before radioing for an ambulance, advising that he had fired a single shot to incapacitate the perpetrator before he could assault the witness. 

“A witness? You are a fucking witness? You set me up, you piece of shit?” Val began to laugh, coughing as he gasped for breaths. Hamm was escorted out of the cafe by a police officer, with his arm around his shoulder. Val heard what sounded like “good job,” being muttered to Hamm by a few different people and it finally sunk in what had happened. It hit Val like a ton of bricks - he had lured him here to get a confession and Val had bitten. His anger took over, and he got careless. Six years, six fucking years and it all came crashing down like this.

He kept laughing, now unable to stop as he watched Hamm exit the cafe. He never should have agreed to this…