You lightly shuffle outside in your flip flops. Why are you out in the dark, alone at 2 a.m.? No, you don’t have an answer, maybe you don’t want to. All you know is that you were waiting for this moment for a long time since you first opened your eyes finding yourself grasped in a brutal world, earth. Boy! Your heart is strong…
You slowly turn your back on the large wooden door you just pushed out. Your house is small and old, painted with a tinted brown and obsidian black combination you hated. you just came home and now you are out again. You smile as you feel the light footsteps behind you, following. You quietly laugh, that’s what you wanted.
The weather is… foggy. Just like your life, all blurred up. The dark, glittery sky makes you feel free, suddenly light, and fluffy. You try not to think of the countless problems you have just locked behind, left pending. Ha! You sarcastically laugh at the misty memories of yours and impatiently wave your hands to clear out the scene you wished to see, at least once… in your life.
You slowly cross the single road that has small buildings and little shaggy houses standing upright at the sides, as if guarding the lonely pathway illuminated by pale lights from the street lamp. You shudder as you realize you’re not dressed up and you’re out in your starry gray nightgown. The cold wind whirls across your body as you try to stop your teeth clattering. No! You don’t feel any regret, you just want her to meet the life of the ocean. What a simple wish! You try walking faster till the hard earth slips beneath your flip flops and is replaced by the smooth grains of sand. You suddenly remove them and let the soul of your feet enjoy the cool, scattered miniature billions of balls rolling below. Let go of a sigh. Your lips carve into a deep, inerasable smile, your wide hazel brown eyes in the shade of your slender eyebrows and velvety eyelashes flash about as you try smoothing down the heavy waterfall of your silky, sunrise gold hair dropped over your wafer-thin back. Finally, you breathe freely and feel the soothing sensation of your body grasped in excitement. Relax! You try calming down the racing heart as you slowly raise your gaze to see the epic sight. Oh gosh! You can’t even speak; your body feels to lose control.
Twinkling stars in the lap of their dark mother
And billions of sparkles below
The reflection of the universe falls on the waves
With drops glittering and glow
You lightly mumble as the loose sand crumbles beneath your feet, shaping and deforming, shaping again. You move a few steps closer and feel the epic change in the environment. No! It’s actually the change in your internal galaxy, overtaking and commanding. Till the sight can reach, are waves thrashing and banging. Their horrific, loud splashes feel like lovely rhythms tickling your ears, you suddenly want to dance wildly. You slowly start to climb up the large cliff-like rocks at the coast. A little by little you reach higher and higher, the ocean feels as if it is calling you to join in its bluish underworld, opening its arms and lovingly inviting you in. you feel as if you have finally found shelter after walking beneath the scorching, merciless sun for years and years. Alas! You’re home. You are dying to see the pearls hidden in their shells, the wave of the starfish, and the warmth of the water, your life.
‘Marine, no!’, you suddenly come out of your hypnotizing dream as you hear the pleading voice from behind, almost begging and crying. It’s definitely not good; you wanted to be alone for some time, away from life! With the deep dark, unparalleled ocean rhythms going up and down just like your heartbeat feels to be. You wanted to play with its sparkles, relax your burning eyes… but Ah! You had to let her join the party. Glaring at the lava red hair flowing over her shoulders and the filmy-rose pink top fitted perfectly around her sculpted figure you speak rashly, ‘I will bite your bones and throw them to dogs, will you stop following me? , spitting up venom, You don’t try wiping off her tears now; you let your rollover… her dainty nose turns red, her sea-nymph ears stand. You know she is crying crocodile tears. She acts as if she has done nothing ‘I have been waiting for this moment since I was born, Alora. Don’t make me kill you, go away …’ you quietly whisper after a long pause. ‘What are you going to do?’ you can see the curiosity popping in her emerald glass green eyes. ‘What’s left for me to do?’ you sadly smile. ‘All my life the only thing I wanted was peace... is it too expensive that I couldn’t afford?’, you cut your brazen lip, ‘ I am surprised Alora, you are still after me… you killed my children, you threatened me to marry your brother, a serial killer! You made me a mad mother in front of the media... You threw me in jail, is your heart a stone? You used me like a shoe polish to brighten up your boots! And yes, I have escaped the cell but to just…’, You suddenly choke and cough… random words splitter out of your mouth. Great. She doesn’t leave, you can easily finish her… you take a deep breath and smile. Your plan is working. if she acts innocent, you play cool too. Finally, you can take revenge, a drop trickles down your burning cheek as you think of the terrible night she killed your children just to remove the evidence of her horrific crime they accidentally witnessed.
But no! she turns out to be cleverer than you have thought. In a flash, you understand what is going on when you hear police sirens in a distance, ‘so you called the security’; you stare at her in immense hatred, your mouth flung wide open. You never expected her to fall in such cheapness. she already felt too insecure. She suddenly wipes off the tears and let the smirk spread over her face. ‘ gotcha!’, she cackles, ‘you thought you could kill me so easily, huh? I have kept you busy in my sweet sherbety talk talk for too long!... sorry!they will be here in no time’, she simply enjoys seeing you distressed in a locked, miserable situation. You look at the water waves. They seem to nod their heads and wait impatiently to do it. ‘You have been waiting centuries, just do it!’ you hear your inner voice scream. There is a war in you, between the brain and the soul. Brain growls, ‘are you out of your mind? It’s a straight forward suicide, you can’t escape from the police then…’ the soul doesn’t let it finish, ‘shut up pea brain! God has given you the chance Marine, let’s do it together’. And guess what? The tale of your heart wins.
In a flash, your hands are around Alora, choking her. She isn’t out of her surprise yet, the sudden attack. she thought you would take a mad dash to hide. The police are getting closer. No! you can't let her go this time. Her eyes bulge out, face getting paler. Suddenly, she manages to kick your stomach. Ouch! That was harsh. You stumble backward trying to balance but don’t let go of her shirt. You pull her towards the edge, her screams consoling you. And with all your strength, you push her… right into the mouth of the ocean, but wait. You feel the magnetic attraction of the waves pulling you too, you’re too mesmerized. You know you are gonna end up in the cell for the rest of your life, burning in the pain of your kids… all alone, hated. You're at the doorway to death, a little time to choose… you finally decide as you let yourself go.
In another moment, you’re underwater. You see Alora in a distance, struggling with her life, her arms thrashing wildly to reach to the surface.
You don’t thrash or struggle, no you don’t
You sink deeper and deeper, voices getting dimmer
You feel your heartbeat silently drop low
You listen to the tingling in your ears
Smelling the warmth of the wonderland blue
You feel the love of a mother
The peace of a grayish-white dove
And in this short time, between you and the ocean
You accept it to be the happiest moments of your 40-year-old life
Death feels to be a bed of roses, you smile in blue
As you finally realize
A lost mermaid were you