Goodbye my friend

I wake up as my alarm goes off. Turning it off, I look at the time - 6:00 am. I have to be at work in an hour. I get out of bed, stretch, and look around the dark room but see nothing, only the silence greeting me. I head to the bathroom, passing the full food bowl, and I start to see some mold on the wet food that has been left out for over a week. Getting to the bathroom, I can hear the small water fountain pump struggling to spit out the water I haven't given in quite some time and the smell of the cat box I can't force myself to clean. I wash my face off, looking in the mirror. The dark circles around my eyes have worsened since Leo had passed. Sighing, I start to get ready for work. I grab my jacket from my room and head to the door, ignoring the cat toys littered around the small apartment. I reached the front door handle and see the scratch on my hand as it rest the handle; Leo had given me the last time we played as I tried to take his toy, and he swatted at my hand. The scratch now is only a tiny scab, a memory of him already starting to fade as I still try to hold onto his memory. I hurry out, slamming the door behind me, trying to forget about him.

It's a slow day at the cafe where, cleaning out the cups for the third time and trying to keep my mind occupied with the repetitive task laid before me. I overhear my coworker talking about the new pack of kittens she has just started fostering and how much of a handful they have been. I lift my head to look at them, wanting to join in on the conversation but only thinking about Leo as a kitten. I raised him since he was six months old and found him just outside my house at that time. He was just shy of fifteen years old when I woke up almost two weeks ago, and he was lying there lifeless with his favorite toy. No matter how old he was, he still had some energy to play with it. "Sarah?" I hear my coworker call my name, and I come back to reality, feeling the tears streaming down my cheek. I wipe them away. I hadn't told them about Leo; I didn't want to believe it was real, and telling people that he had gone just felt like it was too real. "Are you okay?" I nod my head, trying to keep the subject off me. "Could I see the kittens?" My two coworkers share a look, but then Emily comes over to show me the five she is fostering. The kittens are still tiny, but every picture shows them knocking over cups, hanging from the curtains as they climb, fighting with each other, and in only some pictures are they sleeping peacefully. One of the small kittens sticks out the most, and it is the only orange cat in the group of brown tabby cats. Of course, he's causing the most trouble in the pictures. If other orange cats are anything like Leo, this is just the start of the destruction it'll do. The tears fell again. "Sarah, are you okay?" I nod again. "Leo passed away last week." Both of my coworkers are silent for a few seconds. Daniel speaks up first, coming over to hug me, "I'm so sorry.. since we're slow today, you can go home if you need to." I nod, hugging him back; I see Emily nodding, agreeing with his statement. I take a step back, rub my thumb over the fading scratch, and take a big breath to calm myself down. "I think I will."

When I got to my apartment, my coworkers were already texting to ensure I was okay, and If I needed anything, to let them know. I threw myself on the couch, looking around the small apartment. A small orange cat would always have been here to greet me, meowing for attention more food in his bowl. Nothing had been moved after Leo's departure, and the food left out was the last meal I ever gave him, still hoping that one day it'd be gone and he would come running over for more. After several minutes of collecting my thoughts, I got up and started cleaning. I first put all the small toys in a basket, which felt like hundreds of toys I had gotten him over the years. I lastly picked up the tiny red mouse that was beside Leo when he passed; it was always his favorite, and he would always fight me for it if I tried to take it away. The toy was from his first Christmas, and he carried it around like his own kill, meowing loudly every time. I set it on the table and not in the basket, wanting to keep it for him. I take the water fountain out of the bathroom into the kitchen, wash it, and set it aside. I grab the food bowl and pour the food into the trash. The feeling breaks me down, knowing he will never be able to yell for food again or try to get my attention when it is feeding time. I start washing the bowl with "Leo" written on the side. I put it back on the mat on the floor where it always goes. I take a trash bag out of the closet to throw away the litter, but then I see the box of cat food I still have. Taking out my phone, I take a picture and send it to Emily, ignoring her text asking if I'm okay. "Hey, I still have a bunch of cat food left. Would you want it?" She should still be at work, but her reply is almost immediate, "Yeah! That would be amazing. Would you be able to stop by my place around 4? You'll be able to meet the kittens?" I almost replied, saying I'd bring it to work tomorrow, but the photos of the orange cat she showed popped into my head, and I agreed.

The time rolls around, and I get to Emily's place a little after four, bringing the food and the basket of toys I thought would be better suited here than in my apartment. I knock on the door. A few seconds later, Emily opens the door, smiling and welcoming me in. I come in, setting the extra food on the counter. "I also brought a few toys I thought you might like to have." She lights up. "Yes, the kittens will love them! They can never have enough!" She leads me to one of her spare rooms for the animals she fosters and opens the doors. I look around the room and then spot the kittens that are napping together in a small bed, and I can't help but smile. "They are adorable!" Setting the toys down, the kittens yawned, stretched, and came over to see what she had just put down. We sat on the ground as the kittens found the toys and started playing. It made me feel better as we sat on the floor watching them play and talk about anything after I'd sat in my apartment for weeks, only thinking about Leo. Eventually, I saw the orange cat playing with a tiny red mouse, Leo's favorite. I got up, going to take it back for him. Once I got close enough, he darted off. "That's Thor. He's kind of a wild card." I watch the kitten run and hide in one of the boxes, playing with the mouse again. I go over, reaching for him. He almost slips past me again before I catch him. He's still clinging to the mouse in his teeth as I sit back down near Emily, trying to pull it out of his mouth as he growls, "I didn't mean for this toy to be in there," I mumble Thor, still not giving up on the toy thinking its some type of tug of war game a small smile creeps onto my face as we play missing the times when Leo would play like this. Emily sees this and finally says, "You know they don't become available for adoption for a few more weeks. I could put in a good word for you if you would like." As I look at the kitten, I nod, "yeah, I'd like that."