One sided conversation with God

One-sided conversation with God

May 9, 2014 - LAX Airport

10:30 pm

Are you there God? It’s me, Ron. What just happened? I was just walking through the airport and everything went black. I’m gonna miss my connection. Wait, am I dead? Four heart attacks starting in my 30s were good warning signs, so no real surprise here if that’s what this is. Isn’t there supposed to be a light to walk toward? I don’t see anything. It’s just black. Oh crap! It’s not hell, is it? Wait, no heat, no flames, no gnashing of teeth. Must not be hell. At least not the one that Pastor Warren used to go on about in one of his fiery Sunday morning sermons. Is hell real? If not, then is Heaven real? Are you real? No answer? Hello? OK, I’ll just lay here and think about it for a minute.

I still don’t know. Grammy said you were real. She was Catholic, so she should know, right? She knows one way or the other now. Hopefully, she was reunited with Grampy. I never met him, but Dad said he was a great guy and they gave me his name in the middle. 

Granddad never really talked about you. He killed Germans in Italy in 1945, but he got a bronze star for saving his fellow soldiers that were injured in battle. He got to spend the rest of his life tormented by those memories. Uncle Ray said that anyway. How did you judge him? 

Pastor Warren from the Assemblies of God church was very sure you were real and if we didn’t worship the kind and gentle, forgiving one true God, we were doomed to burn for eternity in the fiery pits of hell! Unless, of course, we did what he said. Kinda harsh for a ten-year-old. But, I got baptized cause that’s what he said we should do. Why did he believe so strongly? Did you share something extra with him? Was he sure Heaven exists and an unfortunate hell option or was he just hedging his bet? Now I guess I’m just being cynical.

Several of my friends went to the First Baptist Church when I was a teenager. That’s where the rich folks in town went. I attended with my friends a few times and the Baptist preacher liked to go on about the demon of alcohol. But everyone knew the deacon's wife was a drunk, so that seemed kind of hypocritical if you ask me.

Mom and Dad said they weren’t sure if you were real and that my brother and I should try to figure it out for ourselves. Not much help, but I think they struggle with the same questions.

It’s really dark in here. Does it have to be this dark? What is this place, anyway? Maybe this is a holding area where we stay until you pass judgment and decide heads or tails for us. There are seven billion people on Earth and a lot of us die every day. Maybe it takes some time for the replay. That reminds me. When you review our lives, I always wondered how you judge the people in the lost Amazon tribes or the tribes in New Guinea that have never seen a bible? Maybe you spoke to them another way. I guess that could be. 

While we wait, I have some other questions for you if you have a minute. It appears I might. Dinosaurs. What were you thinking with dinosaurs? From the skeletons, those things were crazy big and maybe a little goofy looking. I mean, come on, the T-Rex has this enormous head full of teeth and little bitty arms. Did you decide they were a mistake and just erased them, like some giant etch-a-sketch? You’re not going to do that with people, are you? They say you did it once with a big flood. Doesn’t seem necessary for you to do it that way. We probably deserve it, but I wish I could see my wife and kids again, and my grandkids someday. OH! HEY! Are aliens real? Who really killed Kennedy? And why did you let people invent golf? Your name is taken in vain more on the golf course than anywhere else. Except for maybe an LA freeway or a Dallas Cowboys football game.

Hello? Still nothing? OK. So, if this is a holding area, and you have not yet passed judgment, do I get a chance to plead my case? You didn’t say no, so let’s see. Should it be a plus side and minus side and see which is longer, or is this pass/fail? Let’s try the paraphrased ten commandments, with a plus-minus.

One - I am the Lord your God, no other gods before me. - This one was always a little unclear. I don’t pray to any other gods. Some people say this could be money. I like money, though I don’t have as much as I want, so maybe a minus one, just to be fair.

Two - Thou shall not take the Lord's name in vain. I play golf, I’ve driven in Los Angeles, and (heavy sigh) I’m a huge Cowboys fan. Minus two.

Three - Thou shalt keep the holy day Sabbath - You would need to inform the NFL and keep things off the honey-do list. Minus three.

Four - Honor your father and your mother. I love my parents and would do anything for them. Back to minus two.

Five - Thou shalt not kill. I assume this means people (I used to hunt animals), so another plus. Back up to minus one.

Six - Thou shalt not commit adultery. Never cheated on either wife, but once with a married woman - sorry - minus two.

Seven - Thou shalt not steal. Don’t recall ever stealing anything - minus one.

Eight - Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor - Negatory - Even.

Nine - Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife - Nope - plus one.

Ten - Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s goods - I like nice things. I might lose here - Even.

OK - now what? I was told I can repent and all of my sins are forgiven. Is it really that easy? Could I spend my entire life as a complete jerk, a criminal, stealing, killing, lying, and all I would have to do is just ask for forgiveness? Seems a little too easy. Gotta be a catch. They say you can read into our hearts. Maybe that’s it. You have to mean it when you ask for forgiveness. Probably too late now anyway.

Pastor Warren used to say that you made this easy. ‘Hey, here’s a book that tells you everything you need to know.’ Fine, so why, if this is so easy, are there so many different interpretations? Let’s start with Judaism. I don’t pretend to know their religion, but don’t they use just the old testament, or at least part of it. By the way, why are they hated so much? I never got that.

Christians came along and started a religion based on the old testament, added the new testament, buuuuut didn’t keep in the bible all the chapters they had to choose from. Why did they leave some out? Are we reading the things you really wanted? Can’t pass a test with only part of the information. Why did Christianity split into Catholics, Protestants, Lutherans, Methodists, Mormons, et cetera? The Christians fought amongst each other, especially the Catholics and Protestants. Does anyone remember why they were fighting? Are they still fighting? Then there was the whole Inquisition thing. Not good, Christians. 

Then you have Islam. I don’t know much about them either, but they always seem to want some holy war; the king of oxymorons. And, Islam is split into Sunni and Shia and they fight with each other, but then they fight together against everyone else. But really, women can’t go to school or drive a car? Why?

So that leaves Hinduism, and Buddhism in the big five. I really don’t know anything about those, but if they are all somewhat different, who’s right? If we follow the wrong one, do we fail? Do you have different rules for each? What about someone who changes from one to another? It’s very frustrating.

Sorry for all the questions, but you haven’t given me any answers. You know I like things pretty cut and dry, and none of this is clear. Belief is hard when there are too many diametrically opposed options. I’ve tried to follow the basic tenets of Christianity, but I definitely wasn’t perfect. I never hurt anyone. I love my family and friends. Shouldn’t that count enough?

It’s still pretty dark in here. Why is it so dark? 

OW! What the heck was that? Hey God, something just shocked me! OW! Again, really? OW! 

“Ron! Ron! Can you hear me?” said the blurry form leaning over my face.

There is light now, but everything is hazy and confused. I can’t breathe, but I’m breathing fast. There’s a mask on my face and panic takes hold. My eyes dart left and right searching for a familiar form on which to focus. Eyelids slam shut and slide back open failing to clear the blur. “I don’t understand what’s happening?” I yell with little strength. My mind races, trying to place the sight with a name, trying to make sense of the onslaught of light and sound.

“Welcome back, Ron! You just had a cardiac arrest at the airport. You were shocked three times with the AED. We’re gonna get you to the hospital.”

“Ok.”  Talk to you another time, God. And, if you intervened on my behalf, thanks.