Lagoons

I went into the magical bookshop          

Because it was a very special Christmas.                            

I wanted to pick out the scaly, deep purple one where the dragon’s teeth hugged each other not. Anyway, I wanted the purple dragon’s book. It would recall adventures I had in stories. Well, not real stories, but I was bullied at school. I was a loser. I was no one. I was nothing. Not anything to those bullies. Those fools I had whipped up fists in front of and then got knocked down with gusts of laughter blown into my face.

I was something in that purple book. The dragon opened its mouth right up for me—I think he liked me. But I’m not sure if I should go in such a fiery breath of such a hellish beast. The hell I face Monday through Friday is beyond enough. What if the dragon—

“Hello. What’s your name?”          

The dragon ignores my fears. I answer it.

“Go,” the dragon nudges me with its smoking nose, “go enjoy such fruits. You cannot grow fat with such delicacies.”

I checked myself. “Fat?” I interjected. “I’m not—”

“But you are fat in fear. Fear of the inevitable bullies’ taunts thrashing you enough for you to feel lashed in the eyes as you read their hideous comments on Facebook.”

How the heck does he know Facebook? I scratch my ponytail-reigning head.

“I see all.”

“That’s it?”

“What’s it?”

“That you can just stop them.”

“I can.”

“Can you?” I pleaded.

“No.”

I shook my head. “I’m never going back again.”

One day, I did—in my dream when I decided to take a nap in this magical bookshop. I prided myself on my accomplishments—those bullies didn’t have a chance. I raced them in gym class, leaving them in my dust. Eat it! I commanded, snickering at their hacking and wheezing and asthma attacks. My shoulders were back, my back was straight and I skipped out of there like in middle school. But my head was held high instead of barely above my chin. My feet pounded such a dirty track—the dust my bullies and my feet me!

Success, victory. I awoke, a mad grin on my face.

I got up, going over to the other books. They were on sale, but I didn’t buy any of them. Just gazing at the scarlet, deep brown, black and white, lime green and turquoise sea of the blue cover mesmerized me.

“Excuse me?” Someone’s voice annoyed me, and I forced myself awake. A trance had lulled me almost to sleep.

“Oh—nothing.”

She slipped away, a confused glance disappearing. I shrugged. Maybe one of the bullies can be confused—as confused as she! Once I get back to that prison of a school, I can trip the bullies and then rejoice in the fact that I won. They’ll be so dumbfounded as to how I won after they got a headstart. And that they were faster. But I won!

A huge grin on my face, but as I perused the books, eyes all around stared at me curiously. Some said, Stop being so weird. That’s when the smile melted off my face. I stood, frozen. Once I thawed from the embarrassing silence, I continued, breaking out of my straitjacket of humiliation. I moved around, forcing myself to avoid continuous smiles and audience-only eyes. Anyway, hiking back to those dragon’s mouth books, I reached for one.

“Careful!”

I jumped when the bookshop owner—I guess—had appeared like someone invisible but somehow known to everyone here without the slightest trace of mystery or suspicion. I cranked a smile onto my face, but I wondered how she had managed to ever be invisible but visible at the same time. I felt a little better—an older woman, probably in her fifties or forties and me at fifteen—being weird but not caring a rat’s tail what people thought. Well, at least not her. I envied her. I think my hair turned green and eyes decided to turn a shade of evergreen. The darker I went down the road of envy, the more I found myself disappearing just as easily into this bookshop. I wasn’t known to steal, but my head was full of ideas of vengeance, hatred and cold aloofness towards the pain of my enemies’ torture at the claws of these dragons. If they were real, I’d sick them all on Shelly, Karen, Aaron, Thomas and Bee. They were all half-siblings and cousins. Bee was Aaron’s step-cousin’s cousin or something like that. Anyway, they all ganged up on me, egging my window, my room, my car—

“Um…”

That bookshop owner again! I swallowed, shaking my head. Did I stare at her? She seemed to think so, giving me a confused look. I launched into how I was bullied. I wanted so badly to end this trauma from my life. I needed to have graduate to my top school happen in a blaze of glory. Then my stomach hurt—Aaron, Karen and Thomas were all attending Princeton, too.

“They’ll be there.”

“Who?” The bookshop owner invited me, me being dragged away from such a viciously cool book.

We sat down.

“My bullies. Karen, Aaron, Bee, Shelly and Thomas. All of them are tormenting me—‘Michal, don’t you remember your project? Oh wait, I threw that away.’ I would hurl insults at them, in Hebrew, as that was my first language.”

“Don’t blame me for misunderstanding, but is English not your first language?”

“I’m an immigrant from Israel!”

She smiled brightly. “Really?”

“Yes. But I’ve been here in America a long time, so I don’t have an accent.”

“Well, you are gifted to speak such a difficult language.”

I nodded. “Yes.”

“Too bad those bullies aren’t interested in your…knack for languages?”

“I guess. I want to make in Linguistics. Be a tour guide.”

“Where are you going?”

“After high school? Princeton.”

“Wow!”

“Yes.”

I pursed my lips. “Sorry, but are those dragon books real?”

She looked where I pointed my finger. “Um…no. But they’re real if you see them that way. Here, it’s magical. You can see things however you want.”

Sitting up straight (almost haughtily), I asked whether I could hurl those bullies into those books. She shook her head, her red hair shaking lightly. “No! You cannot enter those books unless you’re going to go on an adventure.”

“But it’ll be an adventure worth going on!” I explained I’d bring back fire and wood, and shove those bullies into the fire. The woman looked understandably horrified, but also nodded her head. “Yes, if those bullies are who you say they are, they deserve such a punishment…” She bit her lip. Did she even care that I suffered homework down the toilet such first grade? Did she even lift a thought towards the fact that these people are going to shove me down walking to and from my dorm room every single day? Did she ever want to know whether—

“Um?”

I shook my head. “Sorry! I go into my own little world sometimes.”

“Yeah. That can happen…”

I studied her. She didn’t seem so interested. I got up. “Sorry. I have looking to do.”

She nodded. I grunted and went away.

Those dragon books sure did seduce me into walking right into them—at least mentally. What books didn’t comfort the hurting? I promised myself I’d get a great job, return here and buy all these books—if they hadn’t gone on sale. Anyway, I felt the scales, let the smoke burn me softly on the hands and stroked the purple, scarlet, azure and lemon yellow skin of such great but dreaded lizards.

I looked up. everyone seemed enchanted with the, I turned around, snow falling. Yes, it was winter, but it was almost Christmas. I went back to that lady, who had retreated behind the counter. I asked whether I could rent those books. She shook her head, and smiled. “We’re in a bookshop. We buy.”

I smiled stiffly, and thanked her. I checked my wallet. Fifty dollars. How much were those dragon books? I blinked at the price, and exhaled a breath of surprise. “Four hundred for one.” The surprise melted all around me. Yeah, they’re probably worth—

Suddenly, the dragons, all of them, turned into real ones! I gasped, backing up. hitting the wall behind me, I didn’t dare run but stood there, wide-eyed. Thoughts racing through my mind, they soon disappeared as the dragons, all of them, looked at me. I felt like a hugely miniscule bug under such a vastly round microscope. I was small—very small!

“What do you plan to do with us if you buy us?”

“Go into you and burn all my enemies down to the ground!”

“If you burn them, you’ll be burning us.”

I stood there, and spat, “What do that mean?”

“It means that if you avenge, you’ll be doing nothing but hurting your innocent friends.”

“Uh…” I laughed. “I’m giving my so-called friends a chance to teach these guys a lesson.”

“Hurt your friends?”

“No.” I looked down, and turned around. the snow kept falling. People walked past the bookshop in this city, the sky turning dark. I had to get home—Mom and Dad were probably waiting and Taren, my precious baby brother—well, younger brother by a year and a half—was waiting. My heart hurt, hurt more than I could say. I need to get home! I strained out. bravery was not the name of the game. But I desired such a trait. I belted out that I’m going.

“Don’t go gossiping.”

“I won’t.”

Stupid dragons, I thought, as I headed out—

Thump! Such a majestically yellow tail completely fell down. like a tree in the wild, stopping a car from continuing down the road. “Never mind.” I gulped as I turned around, looking up into the yellow eyes of the dragon. The other dragons stood way above me, as well. they all looked at me, sternness shrinking my courage. I didn’t speak.

“Stop this writing. I’m not reading your book.”

“I’m not…”

“If you go looking for them, we’ll stop you.”

I was scared, and then I got angry. Whipping out some Hebrew, I threatened to get scissors or a box cutter to release myself from these things. Dragons. I wanted to return to that fantasizing but I couldn’t. they were real. I couldn’t leave the bookshop.

I had to fight the dragon. Without the sword, armor and prince to save. This time, the girl fought it.

This time, the dragon blew its final breath onto me. burning me. at least I felt that way. I wanted out.

I grew angry. Ordered the dragons to me go. I turned around. the tail was right in front of me, its yellow scales in front of me, in front of its white skin. I didn’t want white skin to stare at me. I wanted to admire the yellow scales. I turned around. “Let me out!”

The dragons didn’t say anything. They were like statues. They were like frozen in time. I silently went over to the bookshop lady’s desk, took out a pair of scissors and stabbed the dragon’s tail. Instantly, roaring sounded, and volcano lava shot out of its upward mouth. streams of it rose into the sky above the bookshop’s roof, a hole burned into it. the fire flew up and then came down—

“Girl, what did you do?”

Fire and ashes burnt the bookshop, people burning down. they were screaming, turning to ashes! The scissors dropped from my hand. I begged the dragons to stop this. an icy white dragon unleashed a winter of snow, freezing the stupid fire. Only hail and icicles stabbed the innocent! But I was left alone?

“Just like them!”

“What do you mean?” I roared above the screaming and yelling and panicking. I saw outside—people dashed around, trying to enter buildings to avoid the winter storm. No one was safe. Cars were impaled, streets were bombarded. It was like a warzone.

I pleaded with some dragon to freeze everything. One of them did. then it looked at me.

“Do it.”

“Do what?”

The dragon didn’t answer. It merely threatened to unfreeze this earth.

I inhaled. My fantasies became a wild dream to me. soon, I shook my head, promising I wouldn’t worry about such trivial matters in third grade or seventh grade. I was graduating from high school. I would be going to Princeton University, studying linguistics. I would be a tour guide. I forced myself to stick my mind in languages. I was behind in several—some of which I wanted so desperately to teach my baby brother. He always envied my knack for learning and then becoming fluent in those languages. I soon realized I didn’t have to go on such language-learning sites. I could think of those words, and teach myself by translating such words into those languages.

Telling all this to the dragons, I soon felt my baby brother really needed me. I wanted him here, in this bookshop. I looked around me—it had become a cozy bookshop, Christmas tree decorated in the rear corner by a roaring stone fireplace. Children sat quietly, reading as their mothers sang softly to them. I saw the snow. I saw the smiles.

Everyone was enjoying the life of such a wintry day.

I looked around me—me being the last person I had centered my thoughts on. I wanted hot chocolate, the beautiful smell soaring to me on—well, its own. I called my brother. The tail had slithered from around me. He waved outside the bookshop. A grin had reigned on my face as I had wrapped him up in a huge hug, a bear hug being replaced by an arm around his shoulders and a bought book by the fire. I gave the book to him, of course.

I saw those dragons no more.

My baby brother closed the book I had gotten him. Tears filled his brown eyes. “What’s going on?” My heart hurt.

I asked such a dreadful question. The very poisonously hurt of the words had stabbed me. I knew worse than the ice of that dragon’s breath.

“I don’t know this word. Or this one.”

I took it, holding it out before me. eyes widened and then the book slammed closed. “Taren!” I stared at him. “I bought one in Spanish. So sorry!” I quickly rushed to the bookshop’s owner, begging to return it. Suddenly, a hand slapped my shoulder, and I turned. “Yes, Taren!”

“Could you teach me?”

I nodded. Telling the bookshop owner nevermind, I headed over to the fireplace again. he learned as quickly as I—speaking a new language in minutes! I looked at him—an eight-year-old. He’d be learning so many things. Would he join me at Princeton, in his heart? Would he follow down the same path? I wanted him to. We spent our childhood swinging the swings, sledding down our backyard hill, eating hot chocolate, decorating cookies with pounds of icing and mountains of sprinkles and toasting our marsh mellows golden-brown, tossing each other the crispiest ones.

But he was going to be in elementary school still. And I was going to New Jersey—four states away. Vermont was above New Jersey.

Bullies had a way of turning preciousness to ashes.

I went places. Even lower than I.

Bullies had a knack for hurting others in new, worse ways.

I went to new areas.

I went to areas in which I could see new things. The fireplace behind me got too warm, so we moved to a different place. I didn’t peruse the books—the dragon books.

My brother wanted a dragon book. “Please?” He pointed at it. “Please?”

I pursed my lips. “I’m…” I swallowed. Grabbing it, I rang it up.

“Four hundred dollars!”

Expensive, I didn’t think. I bought it. The scarlet one. jumping up and down, my brother went on and on about reading it. he ran to a table, reserving it with a leftover napkin on the table. I hurried there after hiding my credit card in my wallet. I sat down, and smiled reluctantly.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I…” I sighed and then launched. “It’s just that book was very expensive.”

“Yeah…” Taren hung his head. “Yeah, it was.”

“Taren, I’m not trying to chastise. I just want you to understand something. I have money. But I have a full-ride scholarship to such a school, I still value it—”

“More than me?”

I looked at him.

He shook his head. “You want to buy this book so you can hit those bullies over the head with it.”

His words punched me in the face. I jerked back. and blinked, shocked. Pursing my lips, I nodded finally. “Yes. I wanted to beat those bullies back with that book. The dragon of which it is made needed to attack them. But,” I hurried before he could carry on. “But you own it now. don’t mess it up. Don’t damage, lose or throw it away. Don’t bully it.”

He looked at me.

I looked at him, not lovingly. I had suddenly lost all big-sister-loves-little-brother-ness at once.

I wasn’t that big sister anymore. I didn’t care what he did with it as long as he obeyed.

And I’m pretty sure that dragon book didn’t care as long as it was protected.

I told him he would face great danger should he hurt that dragon book. He gave me a funny look. But I knew he trusted me.

I said I’d teach him the languages I soon learned fluently—

“Can we both stay in school?”

“No.”

Soon, I graduated—in my mind. Looking up, I mentally fantasized about my graduation day. closing them, I sighed. And buried my face in my arms.

Aaron, Karen, Shelly, Thomas and Bee all met me there at Princeton—

I hoped, I told myself as I watched Taren open the book.

And start reading it.