Freshman Year

It’s dark. Pitch black. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think that my eyes were closed. The PSE&G report says the power should be back on around 1am, which is 4 hours from now. I hope to be sleeping by then, but I can’t imagine sleeping with the darkness threatening to suffocate me. The thought brings shudders down my spine. In my younger days, a power outage would’ve sent me into a full-on panic attack. Now, it’s more unnerving than anything. 

I use my hands to navigate my surroundings in search of a flashlight. Flashlights I specifically bought as part of my Zombie apocalypse survival kit. “Yes!” I squeal as I fumble to pull the flashlights out of the hallway closet. Clicking on the light, I see the boxes I’ve been meaning to sort through. It seems like right now is a good time as any. 

I set up the flashlights on the coffee table and aimed them straight up. It provides an ambiance as if I’m trying to seduce a partner. Unfortunately, there hasn’t been any need to seduce for quite some time. I pull out three large boxes and bring them to the center of the room. “What the hell did I put in these?” The boxes are huge, and I vaguely recall not wanting to throw anything away after clearing out my childhood home. Too many memories were at risk of being forgotten.

I grab a bottle of wine and a snack from the kitchen. I spent the next few hours focused on the box that housed all of the photo albums. I analyzed album after album. Relishing in all the good times while simultaneously mourning the memories trapped in the undeveloped Polaroid cameras. 

I have no idea why it has taken me this long to sort through these boxes. I put them in the closet almost a year ago. I guess time escaped me. I stumble upon a bright pink album with floral stickers and bubble letters that reads “Best friends”. I cringe at the idea that I was ever a pink floral kind of girl. Now, in my grown age, I’m all about neutrals. I don’t want to be easily picked out in a crowd. I just want to blend in and forgotten.  

I open the Best Friends album, and I am greeted by three young smiling faces. Sia, Simone, and Sissy, the triplets, or at least that’s what we liked to call ourselves. I “ooo” and “ahhh” at the kid I once was and the friends that I grew up with and then grew apart from. We were once inseparable and then came the summer of freshman year, and the glue that once held us together dissolved. Everything changed once Sissy left. 

I shake the thought from my head as I continue browsing the album. I land on a picture where we are showing off our matching charm bracelets, each charm a different color to represent one of us. I smile to myself, I remember this day. We were so excited talking about the dresses we were going to wear to the Freshman social. Our dresses would match our charm colors. The next page is the summer fun list we created. A list we weren't able to complete because of what happened to Sissy…

I review the list closely and laugh at our severely innocent ideas of summer fun. 

Summer Fun List

1. Star gaze on the rooftop
2. Have a bonfire
3. Have an Ice cream Feast 
4. Create a Time Capsule 
5. Engrave our names in our favorite spot

We were only able to complete the first four before the tragedy. I continue to flip through the album and feel nostalgic as I see images of our sleepover on Simone’s roof. We spent hours gazing at the stars. We didn’t even make it the full night. I remember dragging our mattresses inside after mistaking the trees rustling for an ax murderer. The next picture is of stained shirts, extended bellies, and disgusted faces after eating nearly a dozen boxes of ice cream bars and I can still feel the warmth from the picture of the bonfire we had on the beach. We each brought two items that day to store in our time capsule. We planned to open the capsule at the end of our Senior year. A marker to show how far we’ve come. That was nearly ten years ago.

I can’t remember what items we put in the capsule and I feel this urge to find out. For the life of me I can’t remember where we buried it. As the thought comes into my mind, the power returns and the room is engrossed with light. It’s one in the morning. It's too late to message Simone, but I want to do so before I forget. I send her a message on Instagram.

“Hey Simone, I was going through some old photos and was thinking about you. We should meet up for a latte and a chat.” I hit send, and Simone sent messages back almost instantly as if she’d been waiting for me to reach out. 

Hey! I’d love to meet up. Are you free today? How does 1:30pm @ Cafe Cafe sound?” 

At Cafe Cafe, Simone and I spend almost an hour catching up on each other’s lives. It’s amazing how much time has passed and it almost feels like we never grew apart.. But we did. I show the picture of the three of us. 

“Do you remember when we took this photo?” I ask 

Simone’s face falters slightly and then quickly turns into a smile. “I do. I was so excited about my blue social dress. It was going to be all the rage!”

I show her the summer fun list, and she shrieks, “Oh wooow, we were so corny! Was this our idea of fun?” 

“We were such rebels.” I add, “Do you remember the time capsule we put together? Where did we bury it?”

“You know what, now that I think about it, I can’t remember. We did draw a map in case we ever forgot. I kept the map in my album. I have it in my apartment.” Simone said. “I’m only a few minutes away. Do you want to go check it out?”

Back at Simone’s place I’m impressed with what she has accomplished. Her apartment is so sleek and modern in one of those new upscale buildings. 

“Just wait one second. I have the old albums in the closet.” She says, walking towards the back of the apartment. 

I imagine how put together her life must be to know exactly where she put things and automatically obtain it when she needs it. Maybe that’ll be my goal for next year, to be more put together.

Moments later, Simone emerges with a similar album that reads “Best Friends,” only hers is blue with blue flowers. She flips through the pages and finds the map in question. Our starting point was Sissy’s backyard and we follow the dots to X marks the spot. The dots continue to pass Cafe Cafe, the skate park, and then the movie theater until we hit the X. The spot that became forbidden after freshman year. It was all of our favorite spot but especially Sissy’s. I look at Simone and we make eye contact. We’ve been silent for quite some time, but our communication has never been clearer. Slowly, we gathered our things and headed towards the door. We decide to use Simone’s car to visit the forbidden place. I sit in the passenger seat and stare out the window, and watch as we pass all the places that we used to frequent. 

After some time we arrive at the forbidden spot.. Sissy’s favorite spot, a park with the greenest grass you can see. We walked over to our favorite tree, which resembled The Giving Tree”. We loved that book as kids. It looks sad and lopsided but strong. We use random supplies in Simone’s car to dig around the base of the tree, hoping to find our time capsule. 

Almost 30 minutes pass, and Simone screams, “Sia over here.” She pulls out a silver box covered with dirt. One by one we pull out the items. My favorite T-shirt and Britney Spears CD. Simone pulls out her old retainer and tiny stuffed animal. Sissy’s items were a note placed inside a Ziploc bag and her bracelet with a single green charm. Tears are streaming down my face as I gaze at the letter. 

“Heyyy future Sissy! If you’re reading this I am glad you made it this far. Life seems to require more effort than I would like right now and I don’t know how much longer I can keep going. I hope you got to go to Senior prom and take Senior photos. Did you join the Senior prank? I hope Senior year is everything I thought it would be, just hang on a little longer. See you soon.”

I had no idea that Sissy was struggling. She was so good at hiding it or maybe I was good at ignoring it. On the first day of Sophomore year, Sissy’s mom found her next to a bottle of pills. At the time, no one understood how this could have happened, how we could have missed the signs. That day left a hole in my heart that never seemed to close, and I imagine Simone’s, too, because after that day, we grew apart. Our favorite spot became a painful reminder of how we were happy and then no longer were

Now sitting together under our tree, I’ve never felt closer to Sissy. Simone takes out her car keys and begins to complete the last thing on our list, the one we never got to do. She engraves “Triplets Forever” into the tree trunk and seals it with a heart before we place all the items back in the box along with the picture of the three of us. We lay on the grass and gazed at the clouds. If I look close enough, one of the clouds looks like its winking. I wink back and blow a kiss to Sissy.