Just a Small Coffee, Please

What is it about the rain that makes you want home? Maybe it's the salty scent or the gray sky that makes you crave something warm and sweet. Maybe it's the mood or the chilly wind that makes you want comfort. It's been three months since I left home for college, and I’ve never missed it more.

  I remember that night, rain was pouring just like it is now. I tossed my bags into the old beat-up trunk of my boogie, ignoring your voice. I was so uptight, so set on proving to you that I could do it on my own. I didn’t want your help, I was so blinded by my stubbornness that I didn't want you. 

Pulling my scarf up, I opened the glass door to the little coffee shop down the street. An instant wave of pumpkin spice and warmth hit me as I sat in one of the small booths. This place was cozy, with a few students and other customers working on their computers, or softly talking and sipping on their beverages. I softly exhale, setting my bag down to save my seat as I get up and wait in line. 

Looking at the warm pastries behind the glass counter, I reached my hand into my pocket to pull out a five-dollar bill. My heart sighed. I wonder how many more of these I will see. I just got laid off from my job, and finding a place to work is difficult to do in between classes. Not to mention rent and gas money, and the never-ending payments for food and such. 

I think the barista could see my exhaustion because her face softened. “Hello sir, what can I get for you?”. I look up, sliding my money on the counter, “just a small coffee please…” I say tiredly. She nods and goes back to get my order, and I stand off to the side, rubbing my eyes. The rain falls outside, but instead of bringing me the comfort it once did, I feel so…alone.

I hardly notice when she brings back my coffee. “Thank you..” I mumble as I reach for the cup. For a moment, our hands touch, and i look at her. For the first time, I notice the golden specks in her eyes…it's beautiful. She gives a soft smile “Can I get you anything else?”. I softly shake my head and tiredly smile "No..thanks". She watches me walk off, softly sighing to herself. I pretend not to notice as I sit down at my table

I don't drink it. I just stare at the cup in my hands, feeling the warmth radiate off my hands. The tears hit my fingers before I notice them, and for the first time, I don't try to stop them. I’m so sorry…i just wish you were here… It's been so long, I need you... I set down my cup and covered my face, crying. I don't know how long I've been crying and honestly, I don't care. I wipe my eyes on my cotton sweater and exhale, laying my head down on the table. I sit there, silent, lost in thought.

I jump at the gentle hand on my shoulder. geez...how long have I been doing this? Quickly wiping my eyes I look up and see her. The girl. "Hey…” she says gently, her touch bringing warmth to my body. “Are you ok?...”. I sniff, and instead of brushing her off, I look at my cup. “Not exactly.” She sits down next to me, "I know I'm just a random barista... but I'm also a college student." Her soft smile flicks something in my heart. "you can talk to me...if you need it that is.". My eyes search her face, and before I can doubt myself, I end up telling her everything.

My words poured out like the rain outside. all the stress and hurt and hiding flow with my choppy words. Before I know it, I'm in her arms. It takes a moment, but my arms slowly wrap around her. "Everything is going to be ok," she tells me gently "I know how you feel...but you can't do this on your own." She lets go. She rubs my arm as she stands up, and I find myself looking at her, feeling the empty spot in my chest fill up with her warmth. “Y-yeah…” I sniff. She gives a gentle smile. “My name is Emma, by the way…” she slides a piece of paper, with her number, over to me “Call me if you need anything.” and with that she walks away.

I look at the number, and then at the coffee in my hands. I take a sip and smile. mhm..that's better was this shop always so lively and bright? i didn't notice it before, but this place is really cozy. I peek at Emma's auburn hair, and I feel my face flush. I have a feeling I'll be back here. maybe things aren't so bad after all...

Warm and better, I stand up walking outside. i look at the rain, with new eyes, as if the coffee reminds me of its beauty. you can do this Tyler... just not alone. taking a deep breath I pull out my phone. it takes a moment for me to find her contact, but I do.

my finger hovers over the little icon. why is this so scary? doubt starts to cloud my mind. oh gosh, she doesn't want to hear from me...she's probably still mad. I pocket the phone and turn to leave when I hear the little bell. "I don't think I caught your name"

I turn around and see Emma. geez this girl is like a magnet. "u-uh, Tyler." my eyes look at my shoes, and my ears turn pink as her giggle floats through the cold air. "Tyler..." she repeats. oh, it sounds like honey when she says it. "well, see you around!" she smiles and walks off as her shift ends.

"bye..." I smile, waving weakly. Watching her walk away gives me a new sense of courage. i turn the phone back on and look at the contact. Take a deep breath...you can do this. Closing my eyes and feeling the warmth that Emma gave me, I press it, my heart calming down when I hear the person pick up.

I softly smile “Hey Mom…”