Amaani

It was an early morning and little Amaani was already up crying because she was hungry. Cony woke up and carried her to comfort her and fed her. It had only been about two weeks since Amaani had been born so, they were both still getting use to their new lifestyle. Each time Cony had her baby in her arms she could not help but think how amazing it was that finally her time to be a mother had come. She would turn and look at Amaani with her caramel colored eyes, curly brown hair, and her skin was light brown mixed with tan. Everything about her Cony was in love with. Possibly it could have been the fact that she longed for a child for 4 years now and had not been able to conceive for one reason or another. Even when Amaani cried Cony smiled and just walked over to see what is was her baby needed. At times she wondered, where was her daughters’ father. It seemed rather odd that he was not around. Eventually, she stopped questioning it and decided to go to her old high school. There she bumped into her Science, English ,Yearbook , Theater and all teachers that really made an impact in her life. She was so happy telling everyone about her baby. Everyone loved her baby! She then bumped into friends, and since she had been distanced from all her friends nobody could believe it was her baby. If we are being honest nobody thought she would be the one with a baby so soon. Cony was just happy to see how all her friends were doing so good. She just walked around the school and remembered all the things that happened as she went through high school. Little Amaani seemed to be enjoying the breeze and the sun. Just seeing Amaani made Cony very happy. They went home and their he was Amaanis’ dad was waiting. He was happily playing with her even after a long day of work he was happier than ever to get home to his little girl. Of course, this would not be the life Cony always dreamed of if her true love was nowhere in it. Did you catch that? The life she always dreamed of. Yes, it was nothing but a dream. Cony woke up and although she did not cry after waking up, she had tears rolling down her cheek. Precisely two weeks prior to this dream Cony went through a very complicated phase in her life along with her husband. [A quick little back story on who Cony is, when growing up she was molested by her uncle since the age of 7 up until she turned 14 years old. She decided to speak up about it and he was imprisoned for two months. She went through phycologist and got better. In middle school she started dating and all through high school. She could never have a serious relationship. Also, with one of the relationships she had she did end up pregnant. The thing about that is that she did not realize she was pregnant until she was at the school restrooms and saw that she had a miscarriage. Although, it did affect her after it all happened, she was happy because she was in an unhealthy toxic relationship. Eventually, after high school she started going out with her sister. She ended up meeting a guy which she described as the male version of herself. That was an issue because they had the same temper. When they did learn how to understand each other it all got better.] In 2019 she got married and after a year she was finally pregnant. Cony and her husband were extremely excited! They told everyone the news. Three weeks after that she had her first appointment, and her and her husband where so excited! The time in the waiting room seemed eternal. When they finally were with the doctor, they were very anxious. The doctor was looking at the ultrasound and not saying anything. When the doctor finally said something, she said, “Do not worry, it may be that we got our dates wrong.” She scheduled an appointment for a week later. Cony felt that something was wrong. She got blood test done to get the HCG levels tested and confirmed that she was indeed having a miscarriage. She spoke to her husband and he seemed upset but was okay. Cony on the other hand went to the restroom, because she did not want to make him feel worse if he seemed to be handling it much better than her. While she was locked in the bathroom, she texted her dad what had happened. Then she just burst out crying trying to not be loud because she did not want her husband to hear. After an hour she washed her face and tried to look as normal as possible. Her husband caught on, but just hugged her and said it is going to be okay we can always try again. About a week later she went to the appointment the doctors wanted to schedule another ultrasound but quite frankly Cony could not handle getting her hopes up with doctors. The night after the appointment, her miscarriage began. Non-stop constant bleeding for a whole 16 days. Cony was in excruciating pain, crying because she knew it was over. There was no baby in her anymore. She struggled to even get the thought through her head. Both Cony and her husband decided their baby needed a name and decided that Amaani was the perfect name.(Amaani means hope, peace) A week after the miscarriage was finished, her husband wanted to have sex and she agreed because it was not fair to him at all. After they were finished, Cony cried for about ten minutes. Not because she did not want to, it was because she feared becoming pregnant once again. Cony was not ready to even think of the possibility of getting pregnant again. She just could not possibly see herself being a good mom after something so painful for her to process. Two weeks after the miscarriage, she saw little Amaani. Her little baby girl. Cony was finally able to hold her kiss her and give her all the love she had to give for a child of her own. One which she has anxiously been expecting. She was able to have her baby with her, even if it was only in a dream.

 For anyone that has ever been through a similar situation, no matter how soon or late the loss occurs it is your loss and it is still your child. You will get through this! The world needs you.