Why Is It?

Can I have at least a second of your time? 

I am busy.

You're busy? Oh, is that so? 

Do you remember when we first started? I got lots of calls and messages from you everyday. And mind you, in those times, you already have work, right? But you had time to call and send messages to me. Now, you will tell me that you are busy? Why, am I not busy too? We are both working. What is the difference between then and now? I do not want to say this, but is it really like this? Why is it that much effort is only in the beginning? Then, everyday you called and you sent messages full of sweet words. The many calls and the thread of heart-warming messages become sometimes, become seldom, and become rare. 

You are asking for my understanding. Well yes, I understand you but do you understand me too? In our conversation, most of the long messages and the log of calls, are all mine.

Do you know the feeling of answering your own questions? It is because my messages are not seen. My unread messages over my other unread messages. And what's more? Those very long messages will only be answered by Hi, Hello, How are you?, and Okay? Goodness gracious. What happened to your very long, melting words to me, become blund? You know what, if my messages are like fish, it is already in putrescent state when you read them. You read them after two weeks, after one month, and so on and so forth. Have you not noticed it? Yeah, right. You did not ask me to do this and that.

Why am I feeling this? Am I insecure? Am I suspicious? Well, I am not. I just thought that I had the right to be like this to you because we made our commitment to one another. Why did you call me many times before? Why did you send those long messages many times everyday? Why did you let me feel that I am very much important and special to you, that you can spend time for me amidst of your busy schedule? Why did you let me used to these? It is hard you know that I kept on looking for these right now.

Is this your way to test my commitment to you? Why do you need to test me? Why is it only me who keep reaching out to you these days--many calls plus thread of very long messages? Even if you were unreachable, still I call you so that when you have time to see your phone you will see how persistent I am, how determined I am, how committed I am to you. Please, do not let me feel that you ignore me now. Please don't.

How hard it is to keep looking at my phone everyday, waiting and longing for your responses. I am worried about you. It is been a long time that you have not send a single message to me or call me one time. I care about you. I am very much concerned to you. Do you feel these too?Do you really love me? Because if you really love me, you will spend some of your time to me. You will care everyday to know how am I doing. How is my situation. You will call me, you will send messages and you will be relieved once I answered your call or responded to your messages, right?

I miss you very much. These words have very very deep meaning to me. Do you still feel the same? Giving time and constant communication to the one you love are manifestations of one's deep love and appreaciation to that person. This is what I know. Do you know these too? 

I am sorry if I am like this. I am sorry if I am expecting you to do the same for me because this is how I thought that we should be. Am I very idealistic? No, I am not. I have my reasons to think this way. Nevertheless, thank you for letting me feel these things. It makes me fully awake of what love means in my own perspective. Not to brag, I could easily give advices to my friends about their problems to their lovelife then and now. "My Friend, try to understand your lovey. You never know what happened yet. Give time to your lovey to explain things. Do not worry too much. If you are really bond to each other, surely you will be together in the end amidst of what you are experiencing right now. "

How come that I could not listen to my ownself's advices? 

I trully admire you of your self-control. How I wish I have that too. That I could control when to spend time with you, when to think of you, when to call you, when to send messages to you and many whens. But you know, I can't control my love for you. Does love really need to be controlled? How nice of you.

I am sorry if you feel that I am putting myself to you. I am sorry if I am demanding a little of your time for me. If only I could buy some of your time, I probably buy 30 minutes each day. Only 30 minutes. I do not want to bother you or disturb your long hours a day. I know you have many things to attend to. You are so busy, right? 

In case you still do not know, I have something to share with you. Some people say that you will find the true value of a person when that person leaves. Well, I will tell you in advance that I am not leaving you. My love for you is true and deep. I will not seek my worth in you, for I know my worth.

Oh, I am sorry that I talk much. It is your turn now. But, can I ask you one last time?

Why is it that much effort is only in the beginning?#