Tubish

For Andy...

Tubish lay in bed, the dull gray walls around him mirthlessly judging him. The lone window showed the hospital’s internal courtyard, but on this floor from his bed all he could see was more gray walls and windows. He supposed if he got up and walked over there, he could see some green, but it might as well be the moon.

At this late stage, getting up meant calling Nurse Rackett, who always brought her scowl and an argument on why he shouldn’t be getting up. It wasn’t worth it to see a speck of green. At least the Gophers were on. The volume wasn’t tuned up, mostly because Danny would start a coughing fit every time the volume on the television was any louder than a whisper. For the games it didn’t matter, the commentators were always trash anyway.

The game was the meeting between the Gophers and the Hawkeyes in 1999, a game that he attended, with his brother Eenis, Tubish’s sons Bart and Tim, and his nephew Derrick. A great late November day, it was unseasonably warm for the game, a balmy 70 degrees. Tubish loved football, watching and talking it. Sports used to be a big part of his life. His son Tim played professional basketball in Europe, retiring almost ten years ago just before Tubish’s granddaughter Jewel was born.

Tim and Jewel would visit once a week, with Jewel growing by leaps and bounds each time. The days they came always brought a smile to his face. The last time, Jewel had a whimsy to her, wrapping the curtain dividing the room around her and shouting Boo! It brought Tubish back all the way to the house he grew up in Lawler, Iowa.

Eenis had bet him one night that he couldn’t scare their sister Margaret. Tubish put a sheet over his head, and crept into Margaret’s room, with his brothers closely following behind. The snickers from Eenis and Dave accompanied him into her room, and he walked to the edge of her bed. He raised his arms, and started to make the noise, “Whooooooooo!” Margaret sat up immediately, and screamed bloody murder.

Tubish heard his mother shout, “ANDY!” and he took off, running for dear life. Unfortunately, they didn’t cut eye holes in the sheet, so he ran directly into the wall, falling on his butt. His brother’s laughter along with his sister’s tearful screams gave him a throbbing head ache.

“Mr. Amoretto, you need to finish your snack, now.”

He looked down, and saw the half eaten cup of carrots still on the tray in front of him. Nurse Rackett stood at the foot of his bed, hands on her hips. He had forgotten all about them, and reached down to take the last orange tuber and place it in his mouth.

“Lets look at your feet Mr. Amoretto, please push your tray aside.”

Tubish pushed it away. Nurse Rackett always had to do things in the same way, at the same time. She roughly pulled the sheet away, exposing his legs. They had been purple for a long time, but over the last few years they had gotten darker and darker. She picked them up, looked around, squeezed and poked at them. He didn’t really know what the point was. He couldn’t really walk anyway, and sometimes he even passed out when she did this.

“You can just call me Andy.” He had asked her more times than he could remember. She only answered with a scowl, and these days Danny agreed with a hacking session that rolled like timpanis.

After the exam, Nurse Rackett left, and he got another quarter of the game done before Patricia arrived. She always wore a smile on her face, covering the anguish remarkably well. His wife came every day, to impart the family news, tidy up the place, hold his hand. It hurt to see her, nearly helpless lying in this bed. He wanted that smile to be real, but it never was. It was long passed time for that.

He wanted to be able to make her laugh again, but like walking that was beyond him. He listened to the trials of her sisters, not really hearing it. Not that it wasn’t interesting, but he figured out long ago that he just need to sit and nod at them. He wasn’t supposed to offer suggestions or solutions, but just lend an ear. It was the least he could do for her, as she did so much. He could never repay her, not that she expected him to.

Patricia got up, “I’ll be back, I need to go find your doctor.”

She turned the corner, a little gas escaping. Danny squeaked out a cough, and a smile crept over Tubish’s face. He was back suddenly, years ago, in an International House of Pancakes, waiting to be seated, with his family, his father Dimm, his brothers and their wives and families, and his sister Margaret. They always got together multiple times a year, swapping stories and memories. Eenis was regaling the group of the time Tubish had blown a hole in his underwear from a large fart, when that familiar gurgle made an appearance.

He snuck behind Dimm, and let her rip. He slipped behind a divider, and watched. It was a loud one. The entire restaurant had turned to look at his father, who this time was caught off guard. “Vincent, did you do that?” Beatrice, Dave’s wife, asked Dimm earnestly. Eenis began laughing his head off, and Margaret’s cackling soon joined him. He himself could barely contain his laughter. Dimm threw up his hands, the accused perpetrator surrendering to the crowd.

“Its time for a bowel movement Mr. Amoretto.” Nurse Rackett was back, along with two large orderlies. They helped him up, after a struggle, and carried him to the bathroom, placing him down on his throne. These days, even letting a little one go was a victory. Full on blasting away was fantasy.

To make matters worse, he couldn’t even him do this part alone. They had to stay in the room to catch him if he passed out. Damn this. They gave him twenty minutes, and if nothing happened, it was all scowls and back to bed. They put him in the wheelchair if something came out, making the stakes even that much greater.

Patricia had returned when they placed him back in bed. “The doctor has good news. There is a new drug they want to try that will help keep your blood pressure up. Should give you a bit more movement.”

Tubish smiled back, nodding. It wasn’t going to do any good. His body was slowly not responding, and there wasn’t anything to do about that. She knew it, but he wouldn’t say it to her. It was as much for her as it was for him. “Isn’t today the day that Tim and Jewel are supposed to be coming by?”

She thought about it for a moment, and waited for Danny’s latest wheezing to cease, “They should be by later, they were going to the water park for a few hours.”

He pictured the last time he took his boys to the water park. Them running around, splashing and sliding down the slides. Smiles and laughter. The very opposite of where he was now.

“How is the game going?”

“I’ve seen it before. Still a good game though. The Gophers beat the Hawks 25-21 that year.”

Patricia pat his hand while holding it. “Have you given any thought to what we talked about yesterday?”

To be honest, he hadn’t. “I think whatever you decide will be fine.” She was trying to sell their house, and much of their stuff. She didn’t want to stay there without him, and it was certain that he would not be going back.

She gave him a knowing wink, “I see. I’m trying to sell that glass table from the living room now, but I’m having no takers.” That table. Early on after his diagnosis, Eenis had come up to visit, and Tubish was in his recliner. Eenis had tried to get passed him and the table, and had slipped and fallen to the ground. Tubish had laughed his ass off as soon as he saw Eenis not hurt except for his pride, and Patricia had rushed into the room, checking to see the table had been broken. The story brought a slight smile to his face.

“Look whose here! Go see Grandpa!” Tim strode into the room, Jewel running over to give Tubish a big hug. Even if it hurt, it didn’t. And he never would let her know it. “How are you doing Tubish?”

“I’ve been better. No blowing it out today.”

“They got you on something that binds you up, Dad?”

“Nah, just the food here.” Tim sat down at the other chair, and rumpled Jewel’s hair, to which she shot daggers at him.

“Mommy did my braids up, don’t do that Dad.”

“Sorry Jewel. Why don’t you tell Grandpa Tubish what you did in school this week?”

“Tubish, I drew a picture of you!” Jewel produced a picture from her backpack she wore, clearly showing her, her mom and dad, with Tubish himself laying in a bed. They were all holding hands, and everyone except Tubish had a smile. A small part inside broke at that.

“Its a great picture Jewel. Can I keep it?”

Jewel shook her head, but changed her mind, “I guess. Let me put it on the wall for you.” She placed next to the window, with some tape in her backpack. “Do you like it Mister?” Danny just barked a cough in response. Jewel ran back to Tubish’s bed.

“Show Grandpa Tubish how you drew it,” stated Tim.

Jewel took off her backpack, and pulled out a brush, and some paper. She extracted out some watercolors, and took a little water from Tubish’s drinking cup. She started drawing, beginning with a bright yellow sun in the top right corner.

He watched her brushstrokes, and he was taken back to when he painted houses with Dave when they were teenagers. Their grandpa Thompson joined them, and that summer they painted Rose Elise’s house. She set up a chair and umbrella in her yard with lemonade so she could watch them.

This one day he and Grandpa were on her balcony, starting painting for the day. Dave was on the ground painting the railing.

Grandpa Thompson held out his hand.“Andy, why don’t you hand me that brush?”

The brush was already in a can of black paint, so Tubish grabbed the handle, and handed it to Grandpa brush first. Grandpa was inspecting a window frame and not looking at him, so Tubish started brushing his hand, spreading black paint all over it.

It took a few moments for Grandpa to realize it, and then he roared, “ANDY, I’M GONNA GET YOU, YOU LITTLE STINKER!” He started to chase Tubish around the balcony, and being a young, spry man Tubish could always stay just out of reach. Dave was rolling around on the ground, laughing his butt off, and Mrs. Elise was chuckling slipping her lemonade, clearly enjoying the entertainment.

“Look Tubish! Its you!” Jewel held up her latest drawing. It was just her and him, a big smile on her face. He looked tired, and only the barest of smiles. He took the picture from her, looking at it. Jewel didn’t know him from before he got sick. She never knew him the man who painted hands, ventriloquisted farts or got laughs and frights out of everyone he met. To her, this face was him. He let the drawing fall to his lap and held his arms out for a hug. She hesitated, then hugged him back.

******

After an about an hour, Nurse Rackett shooed them away, claiming that the patients needed their rest. Not once since he got here had Danny complained, nor did Tubish feel tired. In fact, only Nurse Rackett seemed to be bothered by other people being here.

There was another game on, the 2009 Insight Bowl between the Gophers and the Cyclones, his two favorite teams. But there was no one to talk to about the game or this years teams, so he lay in bed quietly watching. Danny wasn’t the best conversationalist.

Tubish enjoyed seeing Jewel today, but how his granddaughter saw him bothered him. Was there anything he could do about it? So much of the laughter and mirth that he brought depended on him being able to control and move himself, which was gone. He wasn’t really him.

The phone rang, and he picked it up. Eenis. “What’s up you Penis?”

“Oh not much, Tubish. Just got done working in the garden. Fanny bought some new plants today, and of course they needed to go in right away.” His older brother Vincent Jr. lived down by his boys, and had called Tubish religiously weekly for nearly fifty years.

“Of course. Tim and Jewel came to see me to today, and she brought her paint supplies to take my portrait.”

“That is great. I’ll have to come up sometime. Maybe after stopping by Lawler and seeing Mom and Dad. Margaret and I are going to meet up for the Memorial Day celebration with Vincent the third. Going to miss your smiling face this year.”

Tubish missed seeing them. He missed stopping by the graves of his mom and dad each year and the town where they all had grown up. “Yeah, I wish I could be there. Maybe next year.”

He could hear Eenis blow it out, and absently say, “Maybe next year.” The lie sounded good.

They chatted for a few more minutes, before Nurse Rackett came back to tell him to shush, and that it was time for dinner. A bland blob of mashed potatoes, assorted wrinkly vegetables, and a piece of chicken. Devoid of personality.

He finished the game, and turned the television off before closing his eyes. He thought of Jewel, and a small fire built inside of him. He needed to do something, something to show her who he was, who he used to be.

*****

The following week was long, but he waited patiently for Jewel to return. That day Tim and her came early, while Nurse Rackett had come in to attend to Danny. “Grandpa Tubish!”

He held out his arms wide, and embraced her. When she pulled away, that old familiar gurgle rumbled deep down. He gave a silent prayer, and twisted his hips to aim. Nurse Rackett was in the middle of rolling Danny onto his side when Tubish pushed with all his might. A deep boom and phffing sound emerged from him.

Nurse Rackett stood up with a twisted face, “Danny did you do that?” Danny started hacking as Jewel’s giggles erupted. Tim smiled, barely keeping his composure. Another nurse poked her head into the room, “What was that?”

Tubish started chuckling. He still had it.