648240 Hours of Loving You

"We have all the time in the world" said Daltan, as he turned to wipe a tear from my face. He said it with such strength and confidence that it really made me consider it.

I stood next to him gazing at the waves and wondered if I truly believed that statement. I wondered if all the time in the world could withstand the distance that was about to come between us since I was heading back home across the country the next day.

My thoughts were racing and I felt like I didn't have time, that everything had to be done quick, and that if I didn't start doing the things I wanted now, I would never get them done. Evidently, I rarely enjoyed the process or the activities that I did, because I was so focused on getting things done on time, rushing, never stoping, always going, taking naps and never getting adequate quality sleep... I felt hopeless and drained. I could not and would not allow myself to see the beauty in things for what they were.

Daltan seemed to have read my thoughts. Either that or he saw my face, perplexed, perturbed, puzzled at the thought of what he had said. I felt exhausted, I wanted to say so much, do so much, that I was doing everything accept for being present with him in that moment.

Instead of saying anything, he gave me his hand, allowed me to hold his pinky, and walked with me along the waves. I wondered what his thoughts were, I wondered if he would miss me when I was gone. I wondered if I would see him again soon.

I looked at him and I asked him "what if things don't pan out the way we want to, what if I don't get to see you again, what if things end ..." before I could say anything else Daltan quickly turned my rambling into a moment where he just had to show me how much better Samsungs were than iPhones, which was a common disagreement we had. I rolled my eyes and asked him "okay what now?"

He looked at me and said "let me show you what an iPhone is missing" and proceeded to take out his Samsung and take the most beautiful picture of the moon I had ever seen captured from a cell phone. I stood there in awe. I realized in that moment that I truly have never stopped like that to see the moon, let alone take the time to take a picture of the the moon. My previous eye roll quickly turned into soft eyes that focused on what I could not comprehend.

We walked some more and the more I walked, the more I fell in love with that moment. I felt the waves come in and aid the sand beneath me bringing me closer to the core of the earth. I sank deeper into the sand which allowed me to feel security for once in my life. I felt the gentleness of the water, the coldness of the wind, and at that moment, there was no such thing as time and no sad thoughts about leaving the next day. At that time, it was just Daltan and me, walking along the beach of Galveston, Texas.

On the flight home, I could not stop thinking about what he had said. I silently cried in my seat wondering if all this time in my life, I had allowed myself to miss these beautiful moments because I feared not having enough time. I wondered how many other things I had merely just gone through in life, but failed to experience. I realized the importance of cherishing a moment, being present, embracing the beauty of the little things and mostly allowing the little things to make a large impact. All I could say to myself was "wow." I gazed around those who sat next to me on this plane, and suddenly I noticed more. I noticed a mother holding her child and taking every opportunity to engage her child in learning the concepts of sitting, listening, pointing, and communicating with her child in every way possible. As I was turning my head back, the person next to me said "precious ain't it? so much time in the world if you just look for it." I looked at the person sitting next to me and just gave a slight smile and said "yeah it really is so precious." The rest of the flight was silent as every had fallen asleep, but I was kept awake with my own thoughts that ran through my head. "What is all this time talk, looking for time, having all the time in the world? what is everyone talking about" I mumbled to myself.

All my life, it was always about not having enough time, catching up to time, and racing to beat time or be on time. I never understood the importance of time from this perspective. I never thought about there being another perspective of having such love that punctured the realm of time. I never thought looking for time would ever occur, because how could someone look for something that was always there. Little did I know this would all make sense one day.

Who knew that a boy from the south could teach a city girl such a lesson. A few years passed and sure enough, I saw Daltan again. Every moment spent with him was precious. There were no limits or boundaries in the eyes of time when I was with him. Daltan actually ended up proposing to me on that same beach. We had children of our own and this lesson he brought to my attention years ago still lived rent free in my head. I often tried to implement this throughout the life we lived, but after growing up always on go mode, it was hard to live life going slow and steady.

Each day passed and there was not one day that Daltan didn't do the little things for me. He would always make my coffee in the morning before I got up, warm my car up for me, empathize with me, laugh with me, be patient with me, supported me in every life goal I had, and so much more. There was not a day I didn't cherish these moments until I couldn't anymore.

There came a day where I found myself laying on a hospital bed staring at the bright lights wishing that it was the moon. I found myself paralyzed and weak wishing that I was running and walking. I found myself touching the corse sheets, wishing it to be the sand on the beach. I found my breathing labored, wishing that it wasn't illness that was taking my breath away but the moment that I was in. I felt constricted and bound to physical concepts of life.

100 years is where my story ended and in those 100 years I married my best friend, had children, raised a family, completed my dreams and supported his. In those 100 years I had 74 years of marriage, 27010 days of problem solving with Daltan, 648240 hours of loving Daltan in the best way that I could, what an honor. He sat next to me and I held his pinky.

"I love you" said Daltan. I saw the tears in his eyes, his lips pressed fighting back the urge to cry. "I am so thankful for the time we had darling we will have more time soon" he whispered. His voice was shaky, and for the first time, it felt like he was unsure of what he was saying. There was no certainty in his voice.

"I love you too" I whispered back, and with the last breath I took, I told him the first thing he told me that night in Galveston, Texas ... "We have all the time in the world."