Technomancer 22: Zippers

Tears drifted down Masa’s cheek and onto her belly, dampening her shirt and jeans. The bed beneath creaked while she shifted her weight, trying to force herself to get up. Beside her sat the duffel bag containing all her clothes. The baby clothes she had been making sat on top. She laughed bitterly. Who would have thought she would ever make such things? She reached for the zipper. Placing them in the bag felt final, like she was zipping away a part of her life. How could he defend her mother like that? She had said the unforgivable, and he stopped her.

“Masa?” Leron called; his voice muffled by the oaken planks.

She had waited too long, and now he was here. “Go away,” she sobbed, wiping the latest set of tears from her cheeks.

“No. Never.”

“How could you defend her like that?” Masa demanded. “If she feels that way about you, then how will she feel about our child? I don’t want our child to grow up around that.” She paused, wondering when that had become a priority. Like Loretta had told her she would, dreams had formed in her mind of the world where she wanted to raise it.

A thud came from the other side of the door, followed by the sliding sound of Leron’s back against the planks. She could see his shadow from just beneath the edge of the door. “I…It took everything in me not to do the same,” he admitted. “I didn’t want to fall to her level. Besides, she’s your mother. She’s not the worst person I’ve met, but she does love you. She just needs to let go of what she wants from you and embrace who you’ve become. Masa, I can’t imagine being with anyone else.”

“But…”

“Just let me in.”

Masa stared at the duffel bag once more. She did not want to leave - not without him. Fresh tears filled her eyes as she appreciated that he still wanted to be with her despite her mother. She struggled onto her feet, feeling the child move within her, and opened the door.

Leron held it ajar from the other side. “Wait.”

“What are you doing?” she asked.

He chuckled, reaching through the gap with his arm. “It’s bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding. Hold my hand.”

“What are you, my grandpa?”

“No, but it’s a tradition I believe in. Just humor me.”

Sliding back down the door to join him, she took his hand, intertwining her fingers with his. They fit together like a zipper. Each one side by side, locking in place perfectly. She adjusted herself to be comfortable on the vinyl floor and brought his hand up beside her face, feeling the warmth radiate from it. The leathery scent coming from it felt like home.

“Listen, there are things I need to tell you,” he said, his voice almost a whisper. Leron sniffed, and Masa realized he was crying too. “I…I want you to know everything before we do this. That is, if you still want to do it after I tell you. The woman who took me… she forced me to sleep with her. I didn’t want to. I had no choice, or she would not give me antibiotics for my arm. I wanted a future with you, so I stayed with her so I could live.”

Masa let out a gasp. She did what to him? The thought of having to do that with another man, for medicine made her sick. Longing to comfort him, she gripped his hand tightly, brushing the fingers with her own. She ran her other hand along his forearm. “I hate the way the world has changed. I…I wish you didn’t have to do that. It’s not your fault.” The only thing she wanted was to throw open the door and hold him. In the past, she had not heard him out, but was determined to now.

“I kept it from you because I didn’t know how to tell you. But that’s not the worst of it.”

“Why? What could be worse than that?” Masa said, struggling to hold back more tears.

“I made a mistake. I had wanted for so long to feel useful. I watched you and the others getting food and defending the Monterrey Group, and all I did was sit around talking with the old men. I was jealous of you, and I couldn’t stand it when you kissed Arion. He was strong. The type of man you should be with. The woman who kept me captive had footage of the two of you in Laredo. I deleted it, but I watched you look at him. I could see you had feelings for him, and I was so angry.”

“I did, but nothing like what I feel for you. Why?? What did you do?”

He sighed and squeezed her hand as if to draw strength from it. “I had the chance to escape from San Antonio, but I chose not to because I wanted to work on drones. I desperately wanted to feel useful again.”

Masa felt her heart ache as she was reminded of her own failings. She had ignored his needs, the things he wanted, and his past, forcing him to live with her in the moment. And then it hit her. He had chosen robotics over her. Those awful things in the sky.

She gasped and let go of his hand like it had burned her, escaping his grasp as he tried to reclaim it. The door closed once more, and there was silence. Masa stared at it, longing to escape the prison she had created for herself by staying. Her breathing quickened as she stumbled over the chair and collapsed against the bedside table. The light from the lamp cast moving shadows on the wall as it wobbled.

“Masa, I’m sorry,” Leron said as his voice cracked. “There’s more. I…The military put chips in our heads. I pilot the drones with my mind like the rest of the drone core. When they put the chips in, the AI tried to attack us, and I managed to convince it to help us instead, but… It's become a copy of my mind and lives in the chip inside it.” He broke into fits of laughter. “I know I sound crazy.”

He was right about one thing. He did sound crazy. “You’re lying,” she screamed. “Why would you lie like that?” An attempt to pull her legs in and wrap her arms around them failed, and she wished she weren’t pregnant. With a whimper, she buried her face in the blanket hanging from the edge of the bed and wept. Why was it all such a mess? Why couldn’t it just be simple?

“I’m not. It’s the truth. I’ve told you everything I’ve kept hidden. I want you to know it all. I want to share my life with you,” he said. “If the military were ever to find out, they would have us both killed.” He paused for a time. “Masa? Have I ever lied to you?”

Masa considered his question, trying to calm her racing heart. She swallowed the tears, blew her stuffed nose into her shirt. He had never lied to her. The only time he had hidden anything from her was the poison, and only because he did not know what to do about it. If anyone she had ever met was truly honest, it was Leron. Did that mean everything he was saying was true?

Before she could respond, he continued. “I’ll leave now. I’ve told you everything, and I’ll give you the chance to leave if you want to. I…I understand. Know that I…I love you. I’ve always loved you and always will. I’ll wait with Father Ambrose at the altar. I’ll stay there all night if I have to, but I must leave by noon.”

Masa heard him let out a deep sigh, followed by a shuffle as he climbed to his feet. His footsteps dragged as they echoed down the hall.

For a time, Masa sat in silence, struggling to know what to do. If I don’t escape this madness, I’ll be dragged into it, she thought. She struggled back onto her feet, using the bed for support. Taking hold of the zipper, she prepared to shut the duffel bag, but stopped. If she left now, she would be just like her father, taking their child away from Leron, and she couldn’t do that to him. He had sounded so broken, and her heart ached because no matter what he did, she still loved him.

Sitting on the bed, she rubbed her swollen eyes. She knew Leron – who he was. While she didn’t know his past and was only beginning to learn his interests, she thought of everything he had accomplished in Mexico. He had never been useless. The thought of that woman taking him to her bed filled her with rage, but not at him. At her.

Why did it bother her so much that he wanted to feel useful? She reflected on her own experiences in recent months. Releasing the zipper, she ran her hand over her belly and felt their child kick. She wanted to stay and fight alongside Leron, but firing a gun would endanger their child’s hearing. She had promised Loretta to put down weapons and seek rest in the later months should she ever be found to be with child. No, she would stay with Leron and marry him, for all that he sounded crazy and had chosen his interests over her. Wasn’t that was marriage was about? For better or worse?

Taking a deep breath, she stood, rifling through her bags, and pulled out the white dress she had bought from the market. Carefully laying it on the bed, she brushed off the dust it had gathered in the drawer. Not knowing when or if she would get married, she had bought it because of the stretchy material, which would stretch around her. The zipper at the back seemed almost unnecessary. It wasn’t the most beautiful thing, but it would do. Standing before the mirror, she did her dark hair in a knot, securing it with a claw-footed clasp. She smiled. The woman standing before her looked somewhat pretty.

She waddled down the hall of the church. The full moon was out over the garden, shining its light onto the dry grass. She paused, staring at it, and realized she would miss this place when she left for Laredo.

Her mind drifted as she continued down the hall, thinking of everything that she and Leron had been through. She barely noticed the church around her when she passed through the double doors. Her muscles tightened, and her throat went dry from nervousness. All she saw was Leron sitting on the plain wooden pew to the right of the altar, his head in his hands.

“Leron?” Father Ambrose said, touching his back.

At the sound of his name, Leron looked up, and his dark eyes went wide. They stared at her, threatening to draw her in as he smiled. Standing to his feet, he walked towards her before breaking into a run, snatching her in his arms. “I’m so glad you came,” he whispered in her ear, clutching her close to his chest. “You’re so beautiful.”

Masa smiled. “I thought you would never lie to me.”

“I haven’t. I mean it. I was afraid you wouldn’t come.”

“I had to. I love you.”

He nodded and released her, offering her his arm, and together they approached the altar.

“I am glad you both came,” Father Ambrose said with a grin. “Masa, nothing would make me happier than to bind you both together. I have brought a witness. Please, if you will find it in your heart to forgive her, she is deeply sorry.”

Masa backed away, seeing her mother approach from the side door. Masa’s hand tightened on Leron’s arm. “No. Get. Her. Out of here.”

“Masa, I am sorry. I…I shouldn’t have said those things. I was selfish,” her mother said, approaching her.

“You think? What you said… It's unforgivable. What did you think was going to happen?”

“Let me stay. I’ll take you to Laredo, and then I’ll go. I just want to make sure you are safe,” her mother said. She reached for Masa’s hand, but Masa pulled away. Her mother frowned and sat down in the front pew. “When I found you, part of me was still expecting a little girl. I had dreamed for years of the things you were doing and held to my hopes of what you would become. It was all I had. I wanted to see you go to college, marry a Latino man, and have lots of babies. It was wrong of me to place those dreams on you.”

“It was. I am nothing like that. I shoot and I can forage for food. I understand battle tactics because I’ve learned from the best. I had to learn to survive. Leron has been with me through it.” She took Leron’s hand in hers, glancing up at the shock on his face. “He might not be who you wanted for me, but he is the strongest person I know. I will let you stay on one condition.”

“And what’s that?”

“You never say anything like that again.”

Her mother nodded.

Father Ambrose grinned, “Well, let’s get this started.” He read the vows, and Masa listened, responding when asked. She stared up at Leron, memorizing the shape of his features as he smiled down at her. His remaining dreadlocks hung free, resting on the shoulder of his army jacket. The scar on the other side of his head, the military tattoo, and the brace on his arm were as much a part of him as the rest. If this was the one night they had, and if he were to die in the war, then she wanted to remember him this way. Happy.

Once they had said their I do’s, Leron kissed her. He picked her up in his arms and began to carry her back to her room.

“Hold on,” Father Ambrose said. “I have prepared one of the priest's rooms in the back of the church. It has a larger bed – not much, mind you.”

Leron looked at Masa, and her heart raced. A grin formed at the corners of his mouth, spreading from ear to ear. “We’ll take it,” he said and followed the priest as he led the way.

Masa glanced over his shoulder, watching her mother. When the older woman thought no one was looking, she moved from the pew and knelt before the altar. When had her mother ever been a woman of faith? Perhaps she really was sorry for what she had done.

They passed through a door, Father Ambrose kept locked, entering a larger hall she had never been in before.

“This is it,” he said, leading them to a door at the end of the hall. He opened it, revealing a double bed. “Have a wonderful night,” he said and disappeared back down the hall.

Leron carried her into the room, carefully helping her back to the ground. He caught her up in a kiss, running his hand down the back of her neck. He frowned and pulled back, reaching around his neck to something, and the brace covering his arm dropped to the floor with a thud. “I’ve been wanting to do that all afternoon. Now, let’s try again,” he said, leaning in and meeting her lips once more. He slowly undid the zipper.