Buy You a Drink

-      A drink?

-      No, thanks. Diet.

-      You want Diet?

-      No—on one. I’m on one.

-      Oh…for what?

-      Isn’t it obvious?

-      Is it supposed to be?

-      I don’t know. It was a joke. I guess.

-      Weird joke.

-      Maybe. In some contexts. Not in others.

-      I’d hate to see the others. The ones where it makes sense.

-      Me too.

-      Have you seen it?

-      The others?

-      Yeah.

-      Yeah. Probably why I said it.

-      Huh.

-      What?

-      That’s very honest.

-      Probably too much.

-      You’ve been told that too, I’m assuming.

-      Here and there. Doesn’t really bother me.

-      Yes, it does. Since you’re referencing it uninvited.

-      That sounded very condescending.

-      I wasn’t trying to be.

-      I know—I know that, somehow. You never try to be…still. You are sometimes.

-      Do you know me?

-      Me?

-      No, me?

-      That’s what I—do I know you. That’s what I meant. And no…I don’t think so.

-      I get it, though.

-      What’s that?

-      That feeling. I felt an urge to say something…but I didn’t. Because it would be inappropriate.

-      Why’s that?

-      Because I don’t know you.

-      Well, say it anyway.

-      Why? ‘Cause you can take it?

-      Yes, but also it doesn’t matter. That’s on me if I can take it or not. It’s on you to say it.

-      You have very strong stances.

-      You said that easily.

-      I did, didn’t I?

-      What did you have an urge to say?

-      You said, That sounded very condescending.

-      I did say that. Correct.

-      I wanted to say…

-      Yes?

-      I wanted to say, You’ve got a lot of nerve—talking about condescension. And I wanted to say it just like that.

-      Whoa.

-      What’s that?

-      You said that with a lot of…what should I call it. Heart. You said it with heart.

-      Like I meant it, right?

-      Like you really meant it.

-      Huh. Maybe I do know you.

-      Still…

-      Still, what?

-      A vague feeling and a couple of coincidences aren’t that interesting in the scheme of things.

-      Oh. A cynic—

-      I’m not a—

-      I didn’t mean it like that. I know. You’re not…in spirit. But sometimes you can come off that way.

-      I realize that. I’ve known it a long time now.

-      How?

-      Because I realize I usually prefer being alone.

-      What does one have to do with the other?

-      Well, most of the time people don’t want to have honest conversations. They want to do the pre-planned stuff, the unwritten script that provides an outlet to get their point across. It’s rarely two ways of genuine concern. I can fake it like the rest of them but it’s not as much fun anymore. I like enjoying a movie on my own and understanding what I like and dislike just fine and dissecting how I feel about it myself if I don’t understand. Other people rarely add much—it sounds narcissistic and cynical.

-      It does.

-      But, really, it’s hopeful. The truth is: I simply run out of energy—I can’t sustain it whether it’s good or bad of me. I’d just rather find people who feel the way I do and expend energy on them. And if there aren’t many, I’ll just enjoy the quiet. Is that so wrong?

-      No. Not when you put it that way.

-      It’s selfish. But I’m not convinced it’s wrong.

-      I’m not either.

-      Then what are you convinced is wrong.

-      Nothing’s wrong.

-      Semantics. You know what I mean. You brought it up so there is a take you clearly have. So just say it.

-      That.

-      What?

-      I had always intended to say it but because I didn’t say it the way you want—immediately, directly, in an instant—you assumed I was just too scared to say it. But I’m not, at all. I just had my own way of approaching the conversation.

-      That.

-      What?

-      You always get so sensitive if I’m not always nice and am more direct. That’s how it usually is with people. Maybe you were or you weren’t but just as you have a right to say it at your own pace, I have a right to my impatience. Maybe I just appreciate and respond to directness more.

-      True.

-      Yes—

-      You are impatient.

-      Was that all you heard.

-      Nope.

-      What did you hear?

-      That you are who you are and I am who I am.

-      Exactly.

-      What did you hear?

-      That you don’t like my impatience.

-      But that’s not what I meant.

-      Of course, it wasn’t. Had you been more direct, maybe I would have understood what you’d intended.

-      Impatience again!

-      Huh.

-      I do like your impatience, though. I like it a lot.

-      Why?

-      Because it suits you.

-      Does it?

-      You’re very direct, very honest, and a bit of a bully when you need to be. I think it’s pretty cool.

-      You always think it’s cool, but you never say it’s sexy.

-      It is, though!

-      Yet you only ever tell me when I ask.

-      That’s not…I’m always thinking it.

-      What good does that do me?

-      Why can’t you know I know that?

-      Why can’t you accept that I need reminders.

-      I’m trying.

-      I don’t know that.

-      Why not?

-      Because I don’t know you. Are you sure we haven’t met?

-      Wait…wait. Yes, now that you say that…but I don’t remember you. Or maybe…the eyes?

-      Whatever, let’s not make too much out of nothing.

-      You think this conversation is nothing?

-      What do you think it is?

-      …of consequence?

-      I’ll have that drink, by the way.

-       Old-fashioned?

-      That’s right. Rye.

-      Of course.

…

-      How is it?

-      Sweet. I like it.

-      Is it how you’d make it?

-      Me? A little less Simple, but it’s fine.

-      I could see that.

-      How did you know?

-      Know what?

-      That I bartend sometimes?

-      I don’t know. Maybe…the way you looked for aroma first? Before you sipped.

-      Hmm. Maybe.

-      Are you sure you don’t—

-      What did you come here for, anyway?

-      Who, me?

-      Yes.

-      Oh…well, tonight I came out to look for something.

-      Did you find it?

-      I’m not sure. I think I got tired of looking—trying to see if I’d find it or not, the back and forth—and I decided to just sit down.

-      Here?

-      It looked nice. It was quiet.

-      Before I got here, you mean.

-      I like it now that you’re here.

-      Are you happy that it was me and no one else that sat down?

-      Well, I couldn’t have known who would sit down…

-      That wasn’t the question.

-      …and it’s not like I would be mad if someone else took an open seat…

-      So oblivious.

-      …but yes. Now that you’re here, I’m very happy it’s you.

-      Too round-about. I stopped caring somewhere in the middle.

-      Stop caring about what?

-      Whether you were happy it was me or not. I guess anyone can get tired.

-      I guess so.

-      That’s why you’re here, right? You got tired and sat down.

-      Yeah…that’s right. I’m pretty sure that’s what happened.

-      It makes sense. It’s not your fault. Anyone can get tired.

-      It doesn’t mean I won’t continue looking though. I just need a break.

-      It doesn’t mean you will look. The break itself speaks volumes.

-      All or nothing?

-      Sometimes all. Sometimes nothing. The problem is you have to decide each time and you never know which is right until it is or isn’t. But you have to choose one.

-      Sometimes things are more complicated.

-      I know. That’s why I try to keep things as simple as possible for myself. Hard stances, as you say.

-      I see. So why are you here?

-      It’s complicated.

-      So, you admit that things can be complicated.

-      I always admitted that. I also admitted that I don’t like complicated. That’s why I’m here.

-      …Oh. I think I get it.

-      Right. It’s complicated.

-      Another round?

-      I feel like we have to.

-      Truly.

…

-      Refreshing.

-      You switched to beer. No whiskey?

-      You always drink beer; figured I’d try it with you.

-      There goes that word again. Always.

-      It keeps popping out.

-      Between us both.

-      Another coincidence.

-      I wonder…? By the way.

-      Yes?

-      Did you come here to run away from something or to get some place?

-      Can’t they be the same?

-      Yes, I guess so.

-      But why did you imply they were different?

-      Because I was wondering if what you’re running from is something bad or something good?

-      That’s why it’s complicated. I used to be able to tell so clearly…and now I can’t. I’m here because…I’m not sure where else to be.

-      Hmm. That does sound complicated.

-      Doesn’t it?

…

-      Can you describe it?

-      Describe what?

-      The thing you’re running from.

-      Hmm. I guess it has many words that have been used and I know them all…but each one on its own doesn’t feel accurate. But if you put them all together all at once…they make more sense. But when I go through each description one at a time to see what it means, I just get confused again. I’m not sure which ones mean what.

-      Ah. I guess you’ll have to decipher the meaning.

-      I guess so. Good luck to me since I don’t know what that means.

-      That’s why you’re having a drink.

-      That’s why I’m having a drink.

…

-      I’m not really on a diet by the way.

-      Huh. You said you were.

-      I know. I felt like being a person who would say that. I never say things like that.

-      How did it feel?

-      Nothing special. Sometimes I do that—try to milk a moment for all its specialness until there’s nothing left. Just a memory that started special enough…but ultimately ended like everything else. Now the memory is only so-so.

-      Yeah…

-      Sometimes some things are best left alone.

-      Sometimes.

-      But I can’t ever tell what those things are. And how much value am I supposed to put into which ones. Which of my emotions are valid and deserve to be fought for and which are petty and need be worked on and changed? Am I petulant or determined if I say this? Am I a good person or weak one if I respond in this way. Which way do I want to be? Am I doing it right or am I looking at the whole thing wrong and I’ll blow it up in the end because I never figure it out? You know…stuff like that. I’m always thinking it.

-      That…is…

-      Hm?

-      …draining.

-      Yes.

-      While I understand and appreciate the philosophy and I think the same thoughts—the literal same—I can’t stand to wallow.

-      I know. You see it as wallowing.

-      I prefer action and getting up and getting to it.

-      But you’re only actionably when it comes to yourself. You lack initiative when it comes to me. You’re happy I’m there but you never hope that I’ll come.

-      That’s not true.

-      But it’s what I feel is true. It feels like that. Is that real? Or am I exaggerating? Does that matter or should it not? But if it hurts me one way or the other…shouldn’t it matter to some degree?

-      You’re doing it again.

-      I’m always doing it. Is that normal? Should I not be doing this all the time? Is it wrong that I am doing this—does it point to something I should fix? If not, if it’s supposed to be like this…is it good enough? Worth enduring? Is it a big deal? Is this it?

-      It doesn’t have to be.

-      What do you mean?

-      Who knows the answer. We can only try and figure it out.

-      But I get tired too. I came here this time. But what if I go somewhere else. Somewhere quieter with more ambiance. What if…what if you can’t find me?

-      I think I remember you.

-      Yes.

-      I think…

-      You think…

-      I think I love you.

-      Isn’t that a bit sudden?

-      No…No, ‘cause it’s true. That’s what it is! Yes, I love you. It’s your eyes and your temper and your impatience.

-      I don’t remember.

-      I know…it’s complicated.

-      We don’t sound…we don’t sound like we’d get along.

-      We do, though. Perfect…almost.

-      Almost.

-      You’re a little impatient—

-      You’re the most patient person I’ve ever met. I think. I can see that being the case.

-      I know. It works.

-      Are you sure?

-      I am.

-      I don’t know…

-      That’s cause you’re impatient. And I already know that. It’s important to be sometimes. It’s important to want things now and to be excited in the moment. I know that. You say it all the time. You remind me.

-      You really believe that? That whole yin-yang-opposites-attract-rom-com stuff?

-      I don’t know, but you do.

-      I do?

-      You do. You come off as a cynic—but you’re right. You’re hopeful and it tears you apart when things don’t seemingly go as plan. But you know yourself that things can come late—they tend to. I know you know that but that’s why I’m patient. Because eventually, you’ll start reflecting that. And it’s not up to me to make you wait but I do want to see how much better it can get. That’s just who I am. I think…in the long run. I think…

-      You think…

-      I think you’re the thing I’m supposed to find in here.

-      The thing?

-      You know what I mean.

-      I know but—

-      The person I’m supposed to find. It’s you.

-      Are you sure?

-      Yes. Are you?

-      It’s—

-      Complicated. I get it.

-      And?

-      And? I don’t know.

-      That’s frustrating.

-      Yeah.

-      Should I finish my drink?

-      I’d like you to leave with me.

-      Wow. That’s pretty straightforward.

-      I’m trying to be. Do you like it?

-      I don’t remember if this is something you do. How long have we known each other?

-      Long enough to know. Have you finished your drink?

-      I just did.

-      Did you make up your mind?

-      I think so…just now.

-      And?

-      I’m not…that tired. I could talk some more.

-      Thank you. Let’s take off the helmet.

-      The helmet? We’re not wearing—

-      Right. Um…oh! There—the door. You see it?

-      Yes, between the arches. This place is really nice.

-      You’ve got a wonderful mind.

-      Thank you?

-      We can take it off by leaving. I remember now. The instructions.

-      Instructions.

-      Did you really decide?

-      Yes.

-      Then…

-      Oh…right. The instructions. I remember now. I remember you…

-      And? What do you think?

-      …I think I’m good to get out of here.

-      Hand?

-      Hand.

-      Careful. It’s just this way. Honey?

-      Yes?

-      Let’s not do this anymore.

-      Fight?

-      That too and also…this. These sessions are pricey.

-      I forgot you were a money hoarder too.

-      Do you hate it?

-      No. I get it.

-      Careful—the door.

-      Thank you.

-      No, thank you.

…

-      This concludes your session. May your truths reveal themselves and your mind lay bare. At MeetAgain we value your patronage and to ensure a quality experience each time, please complete the survey upon exiting the facilities. Happy revelations! ~