Be Careful What You Say

      “Be careful what you say,” my mom used to tell me, “It just might come true.”

I never did believe her.

***

           Today is my first day of sophomore year. I’m not exactly what you’d call a ‘popular’ kid in school. Though I spent one year here already, I didn’t manage to make many friends. So that is my goal for this school year - to make as many new friends as possible!

           That’s sort of a sad statement to think about, I know, so a little bit about myself: I moved here a little over a year ago, I like just about all types of music, my favorite food is pizza (of course!) and I absolutely love poetry. It’s my dream to one day be this generation’s biggest poet! Not too bad a prospect for a new friend, right?

           Anyway, back to the present. Here I am, walking through the hallway, and I noticed Angela Brigitte – the most popular girl in school – leaning against her new locker (which just so happens to be just two down from my own!) talking frantically with two of her friends. I knew this was my chance to get in with the cool kids, but I couldn't just jump right in there. Oh no, I need to get some intel first and see exactly how I might get her and her friends to like me.

           I made it to my locker (Angela didn’t even notice me, but that’s okay, we’ll get there) and pulled it open so they can’t see my face and acted like I was organizing all my belongings before class… Even though I already took care of that before the school year started, because it’s best to be prepared for anything.

           As I aimlessly fumbled around with my stuff, I tuned in to what Angela and her friends were talking about.

           “Oh my god, can you believe she actually said that?” One of the girls said – Piper something, I think – and Angela excitedly said back, “I know! I’d be surprised if she even makes it on the cheer squad this year – I’m pretty sure even Coach Morris knows.”

           The three of them burst into laughter. I didn’t care much who they were talking about or what this person said, but I figured they really liked gossip. They went on talking about other kids in school, and they even brought up some school staff members. Most of the people named I only heard about through the grapevine, but there were some teachers I knew from last year – and there was even something mentioned about Principal Holloway having a drinking AND gambling problem. Yikes.

           I wondered how much of this was true, and how much was just made up to get a once-over on the other’s juicy gossip. Balancing the question in my head, I figured maybe one little lie won’t hurt anyone, but it had to be a good one if I wanted to be accepted in future gossip girl meetings. So, with a well-calculated risk, I closed my locker and turned to face them with, what I hoped to be, a calm and cool expression on my face.

           “Hey,” I said cooly.

           The three girls stopped talking and looked at me as if I had lobsters crawling out of my ears.

           “Hey yourself?” the third one said. Her name was Bianca, and from what I’ve heard she was a bitch. I didn’t know that for sure, but I did know that she was definitely not pretty enough to be hanging out with Angela and Piper all the time.

           “Did... Do you guys know Troy Andros?” I said a little shakily, but I think I still had my ‘keepin’ it cool’ expression down.

           Bianca kept looking at me with her glossy better-than-you stare. Piper shrugged absently at me. But Angela raised a curious eyebrow at me and said cautiously, “Yeah, we know Troy. Why?”

           Now I know I’ve got her. “Well, do you know who Troy slept with last night?” I asked with a smirk. Now Bianca’s mouth gaped, Piper’s eyes widened in excitement at me, and Angela was now looking at me like I was a steak after she’d fasted for a week.

           “Wait, what?” Bianca exclaimed.

           “Tell us, who!” Piper chipped in.

           “Yeah, tell us everything,” Angela said sternly, though I couldn't tell if she was angry or excited. Maybe both. Did she and Troy have a thing going on? Oh well, too late now.

           “I heard that Troy Andros slept with Rebecca Ferry last night – and they didn’t even use protection!” That last part was probably unnecessary, but if it adds more flare to my tale then I guess it’s okay.

           “No. Fucking. Way!” Bianca said excitedly. She was now looking at me as if we’d been palling around all summer with a big goofy grin on her face. I also noticed how briefly her eyes flickered in Angela’s direction, and I started to wonder if I’d just made a huge mistake.

           “Oh my god, Rebecca is pregnant with Troy’s kid!” Piper said accusingly.

           Now this was definitely going too far. “Well, I’m not sure if she’s -” But before I could go any further with saving poor Rebecca from my mistake, the school bell rang. I looked at the three with a worried expression that I had no hope of hiding. Angela looked at me with a very curious expression and said, “Hey, it’s Heather, right?”

           And just like that, all my worries went straight out the window. Angela knew my name! Mine! This was clearly the best day of sophomore year, and it was only day one!

           “Y-yeah,” I said nervously as I pushed my hair back behind my ear.

           Angela smirked at me with eyes narrowed in that same curious yet seemingly guarded way. “You seem pretty cool,” She said, “We should hang out sometime.”

           I knew it would be unavoidable, no way to stop it – my face was beet red now (as it probably should be, if I had spent my summer outside at the lake like everyone else). “Yeah! Definitely! That would be cool!” Coming on too strong there, H, dial it back a notch.

           “Cool,” Angela said curtly, “See ya ‘round.” And with that, the trio turned and walked off to their next class as they whispered intently to each other, no doubt about what they had just heard.

***

           Day two of sophomore year. I don’t know if you’d be wanting an update on the rest of yesterday or not, but I wouldn’t worry – practically nothing of note happened. Some regular lectures in class and a quiet bus ride back home next to my best friend (that is to say, still my only friend) Danny. Danny was talking about what we were going to do for our entry at the science fair – we worked together on it last year and it was a lot of fun, and we made a pact we’d be doing a project every year there was one. But as she discussed a battle plan I had her tuned out; all I could think about was the potential new friends I have and our future plans to hang out, and what that might entail. When I noticed her quiet down, I realized she was expecting an answer from me, yet I had no idea what she had just pitched. “Yeah, that sounds good!” I said with as genuine a smile I can muster and prayed to anyone listening that Danny bought it. I felt bad for mentally blowing Danny off like that but figured I’ll be able to make it up to her.

           We were late to school today. It was raining outside pretty well, and our bus driver is an older guy, and he was a little too careful driving to school.

           When I made it to my locker, I didn’t see Angela or her friends there. My thoughts got dark really quick and thought they were trying to avoid me now, but I had to stay calm and reassure myself that it was just because I was late, and they had probably already started walking to class. The bell, after all, did ring within seconds of me reaching my locker.

***

           A few class periods later, and here we are at lunch. Danny and I were walking between the benches with our trays of food with questionable nutritional value when I heard my name called out somewhere to the left. I turned my head and I saw Angela flanked again by Piper and Bianca who both looked very excited about something; they seemed to actually be vibrating. But what was most noticeable, as if it were the only thing in my world that could matter, was Angela was waving me over, then pointing to an open section of the bench in front of her.

           Danny looked over and said with a grimace of both fear and astonishment and whispered to me, “Holy Newton, is that Angela Brigitte? Waving at you to come to sit with her? This is a prank, right? Hazing the nerds?”

           I scoffed amusingly at her, and said smugly, “Not even. Come on.”

           I walked briskly in Angela’s direction and realized I probably looked a little too eager, so I forced myself to slow down, all the while Danny shuffled nervously behind me.

           We sat down across from the three gossips, and before we set our trays down on the table Piper squeaked out, “You were right!” I looked over at Bianca, who nodded vigorously, then to Angela who held the same cool yet slightly scolded expression.

           “What do you mean?” I asked. Piper and Bianca simultaneously rolled their eyes, and Angela said, “You were right about Troy and Becca. They totally did it the night before.” Danny gasped and looked at me, “How would you have known that?” she asked sternly. Her face was blushing even at being in the vicinity of this conversation. I ignored her question.

           “How do you know?” I asked, my fingers trembling. I could feel the questions literally boiling up inside Danny beside me.

           “Because that bitch is pregnant!” Bianca exclaimed. She snapped her fingers and grinned at me, which made me a little uncomfortable. I don’t think I’ll ever really know what to say to her.

           “AND,” Piper snapped, “Troy has been avoiding her ever since you said that While she’s been frantically trying to reach him!” She was practically dancing in her seat at this point.

           “Yeah,” Angela said, “So I don’t know where you heard that from, but if you got anything else…?” She left the last part of her question hanging while all three of them leaned in eagerly toward me. I glanced at Danny who was looking very pale and very uncomfortable. Hey, I got a lucky break this time. I need to give them something outlandishly out of the ballpark.

           “Well…” I said coyly while trying to give myself time to think.

           “Principal Holloway’s daughter, Patricia. You know her?”

           “Angela sneered, “That freaky slut? Who doesn’t know her.” The other two nodded in agreement with their own cracks of disgust. I looked around the cafeteria and didn’t see her anywhere; therein lies my next gossip. “Well, she’s disappeared. None of the Holloways know where she went!” The three girls all gasped at once. Danny sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose. It was clear she was catching on to what I was doing.

           “Also, to top it all off!” I blurted, “Principal Holloway, on the same night he realized his daughter is missing, his doctor called him and said his liver is failing because of his drinking!”

           At this, the three girls roared in laughter. “Oh my GOD I have to tell somebody!” Bianca said, getting up and rushing to the right side of the cafeteria. “Yeah, same!” Piper said giddily as she did the same, only heading left.

           “Holy shit, Heather!” Angela said cheerily.

           “Yeah, no kidding,” Danny said glumly. “What do you think you’re doing?”

           “What? I’m just having some fun, Danny, you should try it sometime!”

           Angela looked at Danny and said, “Yeah, it’s fun. Who are you, anyway?”

           Danny looked at me with pleading eyes, but I looked away embarrassingly toward Angela. “Nobody, I guess,” Danny said. She picked up her tray and left our bench.

           Angela laughed sharply and said, “Seriously H, who was that?”

           I looked back at Danny’s retreating figure, then back at Angela who called me H, my nickname. “It’s… like she said. Nobody,” I said nonchalantly.

***

           A few weeks have passed, and I haven’t seen Danny since. Nobody has seen or heard from Patricia Holloway, and Principal Holloway is in the hospital hoping for a new liver. I’ve been getting pretty freaked out as I think about that, as well as the first noticeable signs of a baby bump on Rebecca.

           I met Angela and the other girls by my locker in the morning. Angela pointed out a flyer on the wall and told me, “Hey H, you said you’re into poetry, right? You should sign up!” This was followed by a chorus of “yeah, definitely” by the other two. I looked at the flyer and saw it was entries for a poetry recital in town, the winner will be performing in the school auditorium for the whole town to come and see your latest poem.

           I looked at it thoughtfully, as if I haven’t been hoping to hear back from the committee for several days now. But I had enough confidence in myself, so of course I lied even though I knew it would end up being the truth that my poem was the best of them all. “Oh, I already entered… and I won! I’m performing this Saturday!”

           My three new best friends cheered and embraced me with squealing delight. “That’s amazing, H!” Bianca said. “Yeah totally,” Piper chipped in, “Hey, you heard anything new?” After she asked, the three of them looked at me with hungry delight. “Well,” I said, preparing for another lie that was now flowing a little too easy for me, “Did you hear Mr. Nichols’ wife is having an affair? Yeah no, seriously! He’s so messed up about it that he’s thinking about killing himself!” We all laughed hatefully at the made-up plight of such a boring teacher.

***

           Saturday night. I’m backstage in the school auditorium preparing to recite my new poem. I just overheard the drama teacher talking over the phone to someone about how they heard Mr. Nichols recently hung himself, and only now did I finally understand what I’ve been doing.

           The introduction for me has begun. I’m watching the English teacher on stage talking about how proud of me she is, and special mentions for how proud the science teacher must feel for me winning first place in last year’s science project. The Projector displayed on the curtain behind her a picture of me, standing alone, by a model accurate to the scale of the solar system. But I had seen that picture before – it used to hang inside my locker – and Danny was always there next to me.

           Danny. My actual best friend. She liked me for just how I was, honest and curious, not as some other gossip looking to hurt others.

           I was called on stage, and I walked towards the microphone as I was greeted by thunderous applause. The picture remained on the curtain behind me. I cleared my throat and looked at the hundreds of faces staring back up at me. My pits were sweating, and my throat was dry. It was all too much. It was all a lie, but it was true. Even being up here, now, this was a lie. It’s only happening because I spoke it into existence. I had to fix it.

           “Thank you, everyone,” I said, “But before I begin, I have something to say.” Quiet murmurs filled the auditorium as they all awaited me.

           “Everything I said... Everything I said was a lie. None of it ever happened! Not the thing about Rebecca and Troy, or Mr. Nichols, or the Holloways, or… Or Danny...”

           There was laughter in the audience. Someone yelled up, “Who the hell’s Danny?” More laughter. “Of course, it’s true!” Angela yelled up, “How else would it have happened?”

           Thunderous roars of laughter and applause now. They were cheering me on to begin my poem. Well, I’ll give them one they will certainly forget.

           “My name is Heather. And…” I looked down at my written words and dropped them to the floor. “And none of you knew me. I never to this school, I never was a friend to Danny, the one most deserving of friendship,” my voice was cracking, and I watched the jovial room of excited patrons laughing, and laughing, and laughing.

           “I never moved to this town! I never won an award at a science project, and I most certainly never befriended Angela fucking Brigitte!”

           Coughing, choking laughter as the audience doubles over. “My mother had a miscarriage!” I yell at the now empty seats, staring vacantly at me with their quiet void of soundless nothing. No one had come to see me, because I was never here.

           I whisper into the nothing of my fate, where my friend will live, where the Holloways are okay, and Mr. Nichols is fine. “My mother miscarried; I was never born. None of you are here, and none of it ever happened, because I -”

           Never existed.

***

           An empty auditorium of vacant seats sits before a lit podium with no one there, a projected image of a clear table in a science classroom shines against a backdrop curtain.

“Be careful what you say,” my mom used to tell me, “It just might come true.”

I never did believe her.