How to be a Yoga Teacher

This is a long recipe. Grab yourself some ceremonial grade cacao, a vegan bliss ball or four and find a comfortable seated postion. If at any time you start to tire, take child's pose, rest as long as you need. Return to your reading when your body tells you it is ready, all the while observing your thoughts, sensations and of course, your breath. Let's begin.

Ingredients:

A sizeable amount of money for your teacher training, more about this later

A lot of yoga pants, black and neutral tones

Micro tops with flowy bigger ones to layer your look

Fragrant, hand blended oils

Tibetan singing bowl/crystal bowls and/or Tingsha chimes

Soft flowing hair, any colour

Perfect ballerina grade posture

Exotic name (hybrid ones are good, like Shaelyla or anything South American)

Tattoos featuring chakras, iconic symbols such as OM, the lotus flower, real or mythical animals, plants

Long neck, arms and legs - very handy for getting into poses

Flexibility - there's no getting around this

Accessories - toe rings, mala beads, crystal bracelets

Method:

The essentials:

1. Research yoga teacher training. Once upon a time becoming a yoga teacher was a long and arduous process, involving many hours of study, home practice, a one-on-one mentorship with a highly experienced teacher, practice teaching, a range of cleansing practices involving a lot of salt water, extended time on the toilet and eating specific food to 'restore the intestinal flora'. These days, you can fit yoga teacher training into your annual trip to Bali. There is a lot on offer. In keeping with the current times, check the Google reviews. It depends on what vibe you're going for really. There's something for you out there, I guarantee it.
2. Do your yoga teacher training. This is the fun part. It might be somewhere exotic like the afforementioned Bali, or India, or Peru. Or it could just be somewhere within commuting distance to your home, which doesn't look as exciting in your bio, but we all have budgets, right? Immerse yourself in this experience with your fellow yogis. Warning. Yoga teaching does attract some 'characters'. No judgement here, just an observation.
3. Get some teaching experience. This is the terrifying part. There is nothing quite like standing - or sitting - in front of a group of people who have paid a tidy sum of money for you to 'hold space' for them. To guide them through something they see as transformative, like you are some kind of miracle worker. They walk in stressed, unhappy, agitated. They expect to walk out with a Buddhist monk demeanour, rid of wordly attachment, floating in a cloud of bliss, or at least until they pull up into their driveway and confront their actual world. That is one huge responsibility. Yoga is transformative, but the weight of expectation looms large, every time. Or maybe that's all in my head?
4. Cultivate a 'yoga teacher voice'. Speak softly, with love. This takes time. You might place emphasis on the last letter of the last word in your instructions when cueing, such as 'find the stillnessssss'. Don't go all weird though, sounding like a guru. Gurus aren't trusted much these days. Also, don't try to sound like your favourite yoga teacher, find your own voice. Sorry, that's a lot of don'ts. I normally don't do that, pardon the pun.
5. Learn to walk lightly, as if your feet barely touch the ground. This is hard, especially if you are teaching on wooden floorboards and your childhood nickname was 'stompy'. I am speaking from real experience here, by the way.
6. Work towards a chiselled physique. Try strength training, Crossfit, running, whatever works for you. You'll need to do more than yoga to get a 'yoga body'. Unless you do power yoga daily, in which case, you're probably already chiselled. Or you are just genetically blessed. Go you!
7. Carry a green drink with you always and order the acai bowl, never the bacon and eggs. People are always watching you, especially when they see you in a cafe. 'I wonder what the yoga teacher has for breakfast?' is undoubtably a common question your students ponder. Coffee is fine though, everyone is allowed that.
8. Post to instagram pictures of yourself drinking and eating the above. You can add in some friends here, but not too many, as they can distract your audience from your magnificence. Your dog is probably a better option. What cafe isn't dog friendly these days? Dogs are the original yogis, this is a fact.
9. Collect quotes, videos of yourself doing things in nature and advanced yoga poses. Make cool reels and post to instagram. Add audio from indie artists. Think Xavier Rudd and anything featuring tablas, sitars and harmoniums. Also, there is an enormous amount of 'yoga flow' tunes available these days as well. You know where to find them.
10. Branch out into alternative modalities to build your credibility and reach. Anything with 'circle', 'holistic' or just a big word with an unfamilair spelling pattern that can't be traced to Greek or Latin etymological roots is good. Some of these scientifically unproven treatments work, and it has been determined that the placebo effect, in fact, is real. Like actual medicine. Simply thinking something will work make it work! Who knew?
11. Be nice to everyone but remain somewhat mysterious and aloof. Know your boundaries and stick to them. Resist the urge to take up the after-yoga catch up at the cafe across the lane. You don't want to get involved in all that co-rumination amongst your students. Heaven forbid, you don't want to admit that, you too, have problems.
12. Stay inside after dark, unless leaving the studio. In fact, lay low in public generally. Take advantage of online shopping. This will separate you energetically from your students, which is important. Teaching yoga can be exhausting.
13. Make time for another job, you'll need it to pay the bills. Teaching yoga is wonderful, but the pay is not that great. Avoid bar work, Uber driving and large supermarket chains. Trust your inner wisdom, it will guide you to where you need to be.

Okay so there it is. Feel free to modify, adapt, adjust this recipe to suit you. Now lie down in shavansa, relax into the stillness, and let go.

Namaste