An Unacknowledged Parting

“Is that all?” Laura asked him, wondering if he’d catch on. She knew this was the last time she’d be seeing him and he wasn’t man enough to say it to her face. That’s what he had said when she wasn’t brave enough to kiss him for the first time, “Is that all?” A puzzled look crossed his face and a moment of silence before he spoke, “Yes, that’s all.” She couldn’t insist on the honesty she deserved without giving him the satisfaction of feeling that she couldn’t let go, so she just said “okay”. They hugged and said their good byes’ before parting ways.

When Laura had met John several years before she had never imagined that she would have to say good bye to him, let alone that he would become such an integral part of her life. The two had hardly been together long but they had been friends for years. It seemed that falling in love had doomed their relationship. It was only three months earlier that Laura had confessed her love to him. John seemed to act so surprised despite the fact that she had been rather transparent about her feelings. It wasn’t long though before John admitted to loving her back.

John and Laura’s relationship was not without difficulties, otherwise it wouldn’t have been coming to end. If only they had lived in a world where they could love each other without judgement. The prejudices of others and circumstances of their lives would bring them down quickly. John and Laura faced unemployment, unstable living situations, opposing family members, oppressing family members; and the most damaging of all, their own insecurities and baggage. Laura was young and blinded by love, but John was older and wiser, so he foreseen the risk ahead. He once said to her “We are two broken hearts strung together, I fear that makes us more dangerous than we realize.” Regardless they both loved each other so ferociously and selfishly that they pressed forward despite the risk. To overcome the obstacles keeping them apart they lied, snuck around, and betrayed the trust of loved ones.

               Despite all the secrets and conflict, John and Laura still managed to find good times together and grow something special. They spoke all the time, hiding their messages and calls. Occasionally the two would sneak away for a date or a romantic weekend. They spent many nights together making endless love. Neither thought it would come to end. Laura wanted to be with John forever, and he said he did too. So imagine the shock that Laura felt when she found out that John was ready to move on.

               Laura had only told one person about her relationship with John, her best friend Stacy. Laura knew that she could trust Stacy to keep her secret. The last thing that Laura expected though was to receive a message from Stacy warning her that John was cheating. “Are you sure?” Laura asked Stacy in disbelief. Stacy explained that she had received messages from her friend Kathy talking about her new boyfriend John and how they were moving in together. To confirm that it was the same John she had asked Kathy to send pictures of her new boyfriend, and sure enough it was the same person. Laura was grateful that Stacy had her back, but she was devastated.

               Laura was so conflicted, because of all the hurdles keeping them apart John and Laura had never established their relationship as committed and exclusive. Laura felt that she had no right to be angry even though what John had done was wrong. Still she knew she had to confront him about it. Laura called John up, and when he answered she asked him directly about Kathy. Laura was appalled, John didn’t even try to deny his relationship with Kathy. Instead John attempted to redirect the blame saying, “People are so petty, Stacy should be minding her own business.”

“Stacy did mind her own business. Kathy is the one blabbing to other people about your relationship” interjected Laura. “And that’s not the point, the point is you’re trying to see other people while we’re still together”.

John desperate to justify his actions explained, “Your family doesn’t want us to be together, don’t you want me to move on and be happy?” Laura rolled her eyes, “Of course, I want you to happy but that doesn’t mean seeing other people while we are still together.” She defended herself further, “I don’t have ‘stupid’ written on my forehead and I won’t allow you to treat me as such. So feel free to move on because I am done.” John responded with a simple “ok”, and then paused a moment before proceeding to say “Why did you give up?” Laura asked John what he meant and he explained, “You used to chase me.” Laura was swept away by his comment, did he still want her? She was so youthful and naïve she allowed herself to be manipulated by his words. She answered, “I do still want you”. “Then come over” John offered.

Desperate not to lose the man she loved unconditionally Laura agreed. She got off the phone and drove over to his apartment. They spent the night together talking, laughing, and making love. Despite having a good night together things still didn’t feel right for Laura knowing what John had done. That night when they went to bed Laura turned her back to John and let the tears roll down her cheeks. Laura could hear John behind her back turn and notice that she had faced her back to him, but he said nothing before turning and laying down to sleep. When Laura awoke in the morning John was quiet and awkward. Laura suddenly felt unwelcome and made an excuse to leave quickly, not realizing that she was leaving behind her coat with her driver’s license in the pocket.

Laura didn’t realize right away what she had left behind, not even when she next spoke to John. Though Laura had felt unwelcome the day before, she automatically assumed after the night she and John spent together that they were still together. So Laura was surprised by John’s coldness the next time she messaged him. John spoke about boy scouts and his friend’s mission work, but he acted as if Laura was nothing more than an acquaintance or even a stranger. Confused by John’s distant behavior Laura again made an excuse to leave the conversation. Perhaps John just needed some space she thought.

A week later Laura was elated to see that John had messaged her. Expecting John to be back to his usual and loving self, she was disappointed to find that he was just as cold as before. John spoke of moving in a new friend and that he must return Laura’s jacket to her before his friend moved in. John didn’t say so, but Laura knew the friend John was speaking of was Kathy and that their relationship was over. Laura was so broken hearted that she didn’t even want to see John again, but by this time she had realized she was missing her driver’s license. Knowing that she had left her license in her coat pocket Laura agreed to meet him.

               John and Laura planned to meet two days later. Laura was so crushed that she had asked her friend to come along and sit in the car for emotional support. They drove to her usual meeting spot for when Laura would see John and met him at dusk. John had never actually said that things were over, but Laura knew it, and she had hoped that he would give her closure at this time. John was his usual conversational self, he talked about his life and things that were happening, but never did he say anything to close the loop of the time that they spent together. Laura knew this was good bye for good and she wanted John to say it. She waited for ten minutes in emotional turmoil while John blabbered on about other things. Finally, John began to wrap up the conversation and mention that he had to get back home. This was Laura’s last chance to get the closure that she needed, to feel that although it was over their time together meant something. If she had to paint the ending herself it wouldn’t mean the same, so Laura gave John one last opportunity. “Is that all?” she asked. With one simple answer John dismissed her opening for a candid parting, “Yes, that’s all.” They gave each other an empty hug, said good bye as if they’d be seeing each other again, and then walked away in opposite directions. Laura got into her car, not even daring to look at her friend, she laid her head against the steering wheel and began to cry. She felt so cheated, that was not the farewell she wanted and deserved.