It Always Leads To You

Inspired by the album evermore.

Dorothea Windsor had finally made it to the top. She was on billboards, advertising for the next Hollywood hit and her face was in magazines selling pricey makeup. She had a Beverly Hills manor where she hosted parties for the famous and wealthy. On the surface, Dorothea had it all. But the one thing she truly wanted was unattainable.

She had grown up in picturesque Tupelo, Mississippi, a small town that was best known for being the birthplace of icon Elvis Presley, who had often been an early inspiration for her dreams of fame and fortune. So Dorothea, the persistent girl she always had been, chased that fantasy to the point of manifestation. And here she was, with no where to go but up.

Yet, for some reason, she still found herself thinking about him. Even when she had everything, he was still on her mind. Sometimes, it would be in the middle of a party, where she would stop and just look around her and take in how surreal everything was. And then he would touch her mind. It was as if someone had just tapped her on the shoulder and whispered his name into her ear. But as quickly as it came, it was gone, and Dorothea always found herself feeling a tad bit empty after it all.

But now, she had another shot. She was returning to her hometown for the holidays to see her parents. By going back, she was attempting to go back to her high school years, and all the people and memories that came with it. And him.

As she slowly entered Tupelo city limits, the memories hit her like a ton of bricks. She had not been back to Tupelo since she left ten years ago to move to LA, and hardly anything had changed. Even the little coffee shop she had so often visited was still there. Dorothea contemplated stopping to get a latte.

She passed the elementary school and the football field. She slowed down as she passed the latter. They had replaced the bleachers since she had last been in town. They were no longer the ones that she had remembered sitting behind and reading during her older brother’s football games, the same bleacher where she had met—

She stopped herself. It always led back to him. She could not seem to help herself. Maybe it was the reminiscence that came with being back in Tupelo, the place where so many pivotal moments in her life had occurred. She would not be the person was today had it not been for the people in this drowsy town. But deep inside her, she knew the real reason was regret.

As soon as Dorothea pulled into the driveway of her childhood home, her mother was already rushing out the front door, as if she had just been waiting in a window for her only daughter to show up. Dorothea steeled herself for the bear hugs her mother was known for. Dorothea shut of her car and climbed out as her mother swooped in and began to adorn her face with kisses.

“Mom, calm down.” Dorothea laughed, returning the hug.

“I can’t! Oh, Thea, I’m just so happy to see you again!” Her mother gave her one last squeeze then stepped aside for her father, who had been trailing behind.

“It’s sure good to see you, Chipmunk.” He said, giving her hug. Dorothea smiled and looked up at her old home. It had been painted sometime in between now and the day she had left and was now a clean ivory color, and the tire swing still hung from the large tree in the front yard. Her mother preceded to usher her inside through a cheery yellow front door into a foyer that smelled of freshly baked gingerbread. Her mother must have been baking.

“Kick off your shoes there, Papa’s getting your luggage.” Her mother meandered through a opening that Dorothea recognized as leading into the kitchen and living room area. She carefully hung her expensive handbag on a hook next to a collection of purses that no one had clearly used in years. As she was untying her shoes, her father walked through the door, dragging a few heavy suitcases along with him. “New car.” He commented, his voice quiet.

“Yeah.”

“We’ve all missed you, Chipmunk.”

“Yeah, I’ve missed you too.”

“Have you talked to Lance Stevens since you left?” He asked. It felt like someone had pierced her through the heart. The name was an onslaught of gut-wrenching guilt and bitter regret and an all too familiar ache.

“No.”

“That’s alright. I think he’ll be glad to know you’re back, even if it’s just for the week.”

“Yeah.” She lied, because it definitely was not alright.

It was already light outside when Dorothea woke up next morning. The house was strangely quiet for how loud her mother was. She rubbed her eyes and picked up her phone. The time read 12:30 p.m. She’d slept in half the day.

Rolling out of bed, she changed into a hoodie and sweatpants and threw her hair into a quick bun. She kept her makeup application simple. It wasn’t like there were any reporters here to criticize her style.

Tromping down the hallway and into the kitchen, she found the house to be empty. A note on the fridge informed her that her parents were very sorry, but they had promised to go have lunch with some close friends and had decided to let her sleep in for old time’s sake. They would be back by three.

Dorothea decided that she could use some fresh air. Throwing on her sneakers, she stepped outside and was immediately met by a gust of brisk air. The sky was cloudy, the sun covered by gray clouds that did not appear to carry rain or snow and the trees were barren. The grass was dead but still adorned with frost. All around her, festive wreaths hung from doorways and Christmas lights were strung from the eaves of every home. She shivered slightly and got in her car. She could use some coffee right about now.

Tupelo was the same as it had always been. She parked her car right between the Twelfth Avenue Methodist and the high school that had once been hers. As she climbed out of the car, the poinsettias and garlands were everywhere. However, Christmas in Tupelo often brought with them bad memories of Lance. The holidays lingered almost like a bad perfume.

The bell tinkled lightly as she walked through the door of Tupelo Bistro. The warmth that came from a little fireplace in the corner of the store and the fairy lights woven through garland that was strung over every door evoked a feeling of comfort in Dorothea that she had not felt in a long time. This was where, as a teenager, she would go to so she could read in peace away from her enthusiastic parents and loud brothers.

She got a latte and sat down in a comfortable armchair by the fireplace and opened a novel on her phone. The bell tinkled again a few minutes later. She ignored until she heard an too-familiar voice say, “I’ll take a white mocha, no whip.”

Lance.

It was the same thing he had always ordered when they’d come here together. She flashed back to a memory of her and Lance skipping junior prom just to annoy her mother and instead coming here in their prom outfits.

Lance was walking towards the fireplace now. Dorothea’s mind reached desperately for something to say to him when he sat down and noticed her.

Long time, no see! Do you have a wife or something yet?

Hi there Lance, want to awkwardly harp on old times for a few minutes?

Hey, sorry that I left town even after you begged me to stay and told me that you loved me.

She winced. Maybe she should not have thought about that last one.

Lance sat down. He took a sip of his drink. She saw him glance her way, notice her, then begin to choke violently on his coffee.

“Are you okay?” She questioned concernedly.

“Dorothea Windsor? Is that really you?” Lance asked, coughing a few final times before looking at her with those lovely green eyes. He had very nice eyes.

“Yes! It’s me. I’m visiting my family for the holidays. I needed a break from it all.” She said. Why did you say it like that?

“That’s great! It’s been a long time since we last saw each other.” Suddenly, the memory of what had happened as he had watched her leave Tupelo for the last time settled awkwardly between them.

“I missed you.” He added.

“Yeah.” She said uncomfortably. A moment of silence. “Um, how’s the family?”

“Oh, they’re fine. They’re all great. Mom is the same old Mom. You should let your folks know that we’d be glad to have y’all over for dinner sometime.”

“That’d be fun.”

Another heavy silence.

“Well, I, uh, better be off.” Lance said, standing. “It was nice to see you.”

“Same.” She said, smiling genuinely. It had been nice to see him. He had obviously gotten older. He had stubble lining his chin, but his hair was unruly as ever, and forest green eyes still head the same mischievous shine that they always had. When he left the shop, Dorothea felt special type of empty that was always accompanied by the memory of her leaving.

She left the coffee shop not too long after Lance had gone. She was on her way home when a beeping signaled to her how low her gas was. And somewhere on the way back she’d taken a wrong turn, so she had absolutely no idea where she was. Her car’s gas light had been on since she’d arrived the day before but she had been ignoring it. Now it had gotten to the point where her gas levels were critically low.

Dorothea pulled over and got out her phone, planning to call her dad. She tapped the screen, but nothing happened. She rummaged through her glove box before realizing she had taken her charger to her room the day before. Realizing her phone was dead and she was stranded with no idea where she was, she took a moment to do what any sensible person would do. She screamed into her hands.

When she had had enough of that, she got out of the car and looked, desperately trying to think about where she might be. She was not in a residential neighborhood. The streets were empty save for one muddy pickup truck that was rumbling down the road. The driver seemed to see her and pulled over. Dorothea’s heart pounded. What if it was a serial killer?

“Need some help, Thea?” The driver asked as he rolled down his window. A pair of green eyes stared at her intently. “We seem to just keep running into each other, don’t we?”

She mustered a nervous laugh. “Yes, I need help, thank you.”

“Yep. Here, I’ll give you a ride back to wherever you’re staying.”

“I’m staying at my parents’ house.”

“Great.”

She walked around the truck to the passenger side door and climbed in. He started the engine, and she suddenly had no idea why she had not recognized this truck before. It was the same on Lance had been driving ten years ago when they had still been together.

“Time flies, doesn’t it?” Lance said quietly.

“It does.” She answered. “It feels like it was only yesterday we were driving around upstate, chasing the sunset, singing old Beatles songs…” Her voice trailed off.

“Hey, Dorothea?”

“Yeah?”

“After you left— where there ever time when you would just stop and, you know, think about me?”

She took in a deep breath. “All the time, Lance.” The stopped at a stop sign and Lance closed his eyes briefly and sighed.

“For a long time, I thought about driving to LA, just to see what you would do if I showed up at your house.”

“You should’ve. It would’ve been great.”

“I wasn’t sure if I was welcome.” He said. Dorothea silently cursed herself. Another pregnant silence followed.

“We could,” She began slowly. “We could call it even.”

“You hurt me just as much as I hurt you.”

“Exactly. And maybe, just for the weekend, we can try and remember what it was like to be in love.”

“Thea.” He said her name so softly she had to pay close attention to be able to hear. “I haven’t ever been able to move on from you. I’d see you on the tiny screen or on some billboard somewhere, or in a fashion magazine at the bookshop, and it would feel like someone was twisting a knife into my heart. One that you had originally stabbed me with when you rejected me and left.”

“I missed you, Lance. I should never have lied to you.”

“When did you lie?”

“When I told you I didn’t love you or care.”

“So, you love me?”

“I really always have.”

He laughed. But then, his face turned solemn. “You’re gonna have to go back to California.”

She took another steadying breath. “I know.”

She was so focused on trying to find away for this story to have a happy ending that she hadn’t noticed when they pulled up into the driveway of her parents house.

“Bye.” She said shyly.

“Wait, Thea? Meet me tomorrow in the park at two.”

“Alright.”

And so her and Lance got together at the park every day that week. It was just like old times. This place was the same as it ever was, and it almost seemed as if their relationship was, too. For that weekend leading up to Christmas, it almost felt like they really had a chance, like the movies Dorothea would star in where they would fall in love, kiss, and stay together forever. But real life was not like Hollywood, and not every romance ended with a kiss. Some ended like Romeo and Juliet. And everyone knows how things turned out for them.

Even still, Christmas was perfect. It felt surreal to be back with her family and old friends after all this time, and being able to spend it with Lance made it all the better. At the end of the night, when Lance said that it was about time he go, Dorothea walked him out to his car. And that was the moment she remembered that all stories had an end, and theirs was close to the conclusion.

“Lance.” She whispered. He stopped in his tracks. “I leave town tomorrow morning at six.”

He sighed. “I know. I was really trying not to think about that.”

“So, this is goodbye.”

“I guess. This past week has been amazing.”

“I know.” She said, her voice breaking. “But we both knew it would end.”

“Mhm.”

They both stood there, looking up at the night sky and all the little stars. Dorothea smiled. “I am going to miss this. The stars. You can hardly see any in L.A.”

“Yeah.”

Dorothea was about to cry. Shouldn’t he try and stop her from leaving? Maybe he really did have feelings for someone else, too. She could not, would not, ask him to wait for her to be ready to leave LA if he didn’t ask her to stay here. She couldn’t leave like this. She needed to tell him one last thing. She took a deep breath to steel herself for what she was about to say.

“Lance, listen to me. Before I leave, I want you to know, that I thought about you all the time in California, that your memory haunted me like a ghost. I never apologized for hurting you, so here it is; I’m sorry that I jilted you for money and fame. Because I may be the one with shiny so-called friends, but they aren’t real. Every time I’m with them, I sit and wonder about you, because you’re the only one who can tell which smiles I’m faking. And when I left town ten years ago, the heart I broke the most was really my own. You were my town, my home, and since I left you, nothing has ever felt the same. But I won’t ask you to wait for me. I couldn’t do that to you. Go find someone nice, Lance. Find a girl who will never break your heart, who will never choose the spotlight over your love, and who will never choose Beverly Hills over a home shared with you. You don’t need to ask me to stay. That’s not your job. But I want you to know that I will always love you.” Dorothea finished her speech and took a shaky breath. The tears were flowing freely now. Lance pulled her into his arms and held her for a long time as she wept. When she had calmed down, he spoke.

“I honestly don’t know what to say.”

“Don’t say anything. It’s already painful enough.”

“Good thing I don’t need to say anything to let you know how I feel.” And he kissed her. Dorothea let herself live in that kiss for a moment, and then pulled away, realizing that her kissing him was the opposite of what she should be doing.

“You shouldn’t do that, it just makes this harder.”

“Dorothea, stay here. Don’t go back to Hollywood, stay with me.” Her kissed her again. “I never gave up on you. I couldn’t do that, I love you.” He took her hand. “Besides, the stars in your eyes shine brighter here anyway.”

She smiled. “I love you, too. Thank you for never giving up on me.”

“I could never give up on you. That’s impossible to do when you love someone.”

Dorothea could get used to spending Christmas in Tupelo.