The Cheating Resolution

“Brooke! Brooke. Stop walking away from me! All you're doing is avoiding the inevitable talk we will have whenever you come back.” Eric calls out as I briskly walk away from him. I halt at the last words. I do a quick turnaround, my ponytail hits the opposite shoulder as I face him. “The inevitable? What if I don’t come back, what if I never. Ever. want to see your face again? What about then? If you hadn’t cheated on me this wouldn’t be inevitable! Don’t act like you're the bigger person trying to have a conversation. And for the record, I can walk away all I want, you’re just mad that you can’t catch up.” I blow out an angry huff and shake my head. I am careful to avoid his eyes, his beautiful, big, brown eyes. “No, stop Brooke, he is a cheater and we are done with him!” The voice in my head reminds me. “I’m sorry Brookey-Bear. I just want you back now. I regret my choices, and I love you. You know that.” He pushes out his bottom lip with desperate arrogance. “I did know you loved me, but it was all a deception. Every time I saw you, you knew what you had done. Ha! You lied to me, and now I look like a fool for being madly in love with someone who was madly in love with betraying me. Leave me alone, Eric. Do you understand that, can you believe I mean it liked how I believed you when you said I was the only one you loved? What about Vicky, what about that waitress you winked at, what about my neighbor who always needed help with maintenance? Wasn’t maintenance, was it?!” I hear myself as the last syllables rise to an uncomfortable level. I am verging on insanity, and Eric loves him. I can not let him win, not again. “Whatever, I could look back on all the times you probably cheated on me, but that wouldn’t help me would it? I’m a good person, a great person. A person that many people would like but I’ve been loyal to you. If only you could buy someone’s loyalty. If only I would’ve accepted those date offers.” I pause trying to think of the great last words, and then I will walk away. I have to walk away, he can not get the satisfaction of seeing me cry. “I wouldn’t go back and undo our relationship though. Because thanks to you Eric, I’ll know what I never want to see in a person again. Next time I see someone like you, with high ego, recessive hairline; that is already turning gray, and the inability to love anyone but themselves, I will walk the other way because I’ve already seen that play out before. Enjoy Vicky, the waitress, my neighbor, and anyone else you would like. But just so you know, they will get tired of you, and when they do I’ll understand. Oh, and before I go, there’s a great counselor Vicky goes to for her psychopathic tendencies that I’m sure your high ego would love to visit.  And don’t ever call my Brookey-Bear again. Toodles, Eric.” I shove my sunglasses on as the tears start rolling. I look at him one last time and I see what I believe to be genuine hurt and sadness, pathetic. I hope I never see him again, I think, clipping my seatbelt.

My hopes were let down. “Brooke. I know you don’t want to hear from me, I obviously understand why. But I think there’s something important we need to talk about.” Eric starts the phone call, I answered. It had been four weeks since my discovery and outburst, he did not try to contact me. I had not met anyone in the time but I have discovered myself more and picked up a couple more hobbies; sewing and mountain biking. I was no longer steaming with anger when I thought of Eric, and that is an improvement. “I figured it was important, as I told you to never talk to me again.” My voice does not sound mad, just distant. The way it should be. “Have you told your dad about our breakup?” Eric questions carefully. It was not a breakup, it was a cheating situation that could not be repaired. He knows that. “No, I have not, I’m just getting used to saying it. Three years does a lot of damage. Besides, we don’t talk much” Three years is a lot of time, apparently the amount of time for a relationship to get boring so that you cheat. Eric and Brooke, it seemed written in the stars; turns out it was written in the sand that collided with the relentless ocean. Makes sense why he never proposed. “Well- Brooke.” His words sound rehearsed, professional, with a lack of emotion. “Your dad believes we are still together. And you know that New Year’s Eve party he throws every year? Well, he expects us to both be there together. And I’m due for a bonus that comes after the party. He values me more because of you….” He stops, trying to find the words as he begs. Of course I know my dad’s party, it is a big deal. And yet, I had not thought about it yet, I was busy getting cheated on. “... and I really want that bonus. I know you don’t owe me anything and I don’t deserve you even answering- but well, we’ve gone together for three years. I think your dad expects nothing less.” The emotions flood back into his voice, his cowardness makes me question why I dated him. “Hold up. You want to go to his party with me?” Here come the hysterical accusations again, I just can not help going straight to what my therapist told me to avoid. “Ha. You cheated on me, I think you’re having trouble remembering that. Why don’t you ask my dad’s new girlfriend? Or the secretary, I know she’s ten years younger but do you really have a type? Find someone else to fall in love with, I’m busy cleaning up your mess.” And then I think of Eric before I found out. Tall, unsure, brown hair and eyes, a smile that melts me, the Eric that helped kids reach the monkey bars, who canceled his plans just to be with me, the Eric who I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. And suddenly, I have to go to the party with him. Not just because I am still a little in love with the thought of him but I weigh my options. I show up without Eric: my friends quickly ask where he is. Once I explain they give me the usual, “Oh don’t worry. You’re so pretty, don’t doubt yourself. You’ll find someone soon!” And my favorite, “Poor thing, breakups are tough. I can tell you’re trying hard, it’ll get better.” I got cheated on, not run over by a truck for goodness sake. I can’t do that, those fake friends will have to do with a fake relationship. “Brooke, hello? Did you hang up?” I snap back into reality, realizing I never answered him. “Eric, hi-yeah, I’m here. I’ll go with you to the party, but just that night. One night, nothing more. And to make things clear before this goes further, you will not get a second chance. You lost that several chances ago.” I sound edgy again, I am not sure I like hearing that tone leave my mouth. “Brooke, I still love you, I probably always will. I can’t explain why I did what I did, but I regret it all. I’m going to try to make it up, but I don’t expect anything. Thank you, I need the bonus. See you at the party” He says my name like honey rolling down, “Snap out of it Brooke.” I still hate him, I do not want to be in his eyesight. And yet I placed myself interlocking hands with him. “Smart move, Brooke,” I scold myself. “Eric. Don’t try anything, we’re done. Oh- and if you go home with a waitress from the party make sure no one sees. Toodles again Eric.” I hang up with what seems to be my catchphrase with him. Until New Year’s Eve.  

New Year’s Eve has come, and I dread my plans. Yes, I am really over him. It would be great if he had left me alone but thanks to my dad, who knows very little about me, and yet I seek his approval, I am going to his party with a guy who cheated on me. “How romantic,” I tell the mirror as I zip on a navy blue jumpsuit for the party. Unassuming, and basic, that is how I want to present myself, no attention drawn my way. “I got this, don’t look him in the eyes. That lying snake, he didn’t use to be this way. Oh well. It’s over, I just want to hit him. Wow really seeing improvement with the anger issues.” My head races, I take off my sparkly heels and replace them with black wedges. Here I go.

“Brooke! You made it!” Eric waves me over through the parking lot. I refused dinner beforehand, no one would see us and less time is better. “Yeah, sorry I’m late. It took a while to get a taxi.” We walk briskly to the door, Eric is annoyed by my lateness. His jaw is clenched a sure sign. “I can’t be out long. Midnight comes, the new year comes, I leave. You have ten minutes after that ball drops, and after that, I’m leaving with or without you- Jordi, hi! How have you been, ready for the New Year?” My voice changes tones as Eric looks at the ground. We make it to the rooftop. As we step off the elevator, Eric puts his hand around my waist. He barely did that while we were together, I guess it is all or nothing tonight. “Brooke, darling. You look….” My dad’s new wife, my stepmom, eyes me up and down, trying to find a suitable word. “Comfortable with yourself. Wonderful to see you two here. Enjoy the night!” Her gaze changes to the next couple walking out. I guess “comfortable with yourself” was kind to her, I am so looking forward to this night. One hour and fifteen minutes until the ball drops, and then I am out. “Look at these rich people, thinking they are so gorgeous. It’s not real. None of it, I mean- hey! Look at us, we look perfect, and yet we are so far from it. After I leave tonight I’ll probably not have contact with you until the next party. What lies we all live.” My words fly to Eric’s ears, my breath only reaching his shoulder. He thinks I am already drunk, that is not the problem tonight. The real problem has his arm around my waist and a frown on his face. 

“Can you just loosen up Brooke? Just pretend to be happy? I don’t get it, you never acted like this before-” Eric stops himself as I drop his hand from me, realizing his mistake. “Before? Do you mean before you cheated on me? Yeah, I guess I never thought to worry about other people lying because I never assumed you would be buddies with my neighbors. I guess we’ve all changed, haven’t we?” I can feel my eyes burning, warning of an incoming flood. “I’m going to get champagne. I’ll meet you by the overlook.” I gracefully stride away from him and chug down two cups of water and a glass of champagne. Eric does not drink so I grab another for myself. “I can do this, make it through fifteen more minutes.” I smile at passing couples, who look a little too happy, fake, maybe they are in this same setup. “I’m back,” I announce as I slide in next to Eric. My anger is melting with each gust of wind. “Brooke. I can’t do this. I can’t pretend that you weren’t the best thing to ever happen to me. I screwed up, big time. But I thought you didn’t love me anymore and I felt I needed to prove something. I know that is a stupid reason, but I love you so much.” Eric confesses too much. I push my thin hair behind my ear, just for it to fall out again. “Wow. We agree on one thing. That was a stupid reason… Eric, you’re not making sense. Let’s just ignore each other for a while.” I take a long sip from my glass, already half empty. Eric ignores my wishes, “Brooke, I want to move on, but I can’t move on from someone like you. You got me into books, you got me my job, you made me believe I could be something. I’m stupid for not doing this sooner. I love you, Brooke.” Eric reaches into his jacket. “No. No. Eric don’t do this. Stop.” I shake my hand and my head, hoping no one is around. Just my luck, the whole roof is looking my way. “Brooke Giselle Vina, I’ve loved you for my whole life. I’ve known you for four of those years. I’ve dated you for three of those years.” He gets a few chuckles from our growing crowd as I flush a bright red. “I have wanted to do this since I met you. Brooke, will you overlook all my flaws and marry me?” And just like that, he is down on one knee, holding a bigger diamond than my step-mother has. The crowd “awes” and gasps and I do the last one. I look out at the snowing city, back to Eric. I made a mistake, I looked him in the eyes. A year ago, I would have said yes in a heartbeat, and yet, here I am. “Eric. I told you not to do this. Can we talk privately?” I try lifting him up but he does not budge. The audience is more intrigued now. “Brooke just tell me an answer, why not?” Eric pleads, getting angry. “I loved you. I’ve moved on, that's what people do. Most people don’t marry people who cheat on them a month before.” As expected the crowd gasps and whispers, Eric wiggles his knee. “I loved you so much, apparently so did Vicky (my best friend), the electrician, my neighbor, and too many waitresses. So no, I will not marry you. Given what you’ve done, you’re lucky I’m not pushing you off the balcony. I tried doing it tonight as a favor to you. But Eric, since you didn’t understand last time let me say it louder-” My voice raises loud, louder than the blasting music. “Leave me alone Eric! I don’t want to see you again, go fall in love with someone else. You didn’t mind doing that last month when you ‘went to help my neighbor with her toilet’. It was fine Eric, it was her face that you liked. Go love it, go love someone. Leave- me- alone.” The last words punch out and I feel a little guilty. I did not want it to happen like this, not with Eric. Sorry past self, you will make it. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a bright object fall as Eric remains kneeling, dumbfounded. The ball drops, and so does my love. I drop my glass of champagne onto the ground and roll my eyes, shouting, “Happy New Year!”