No You!

*Trigger Warning-Mental Health Abuse*

“GROW UP!!” He screamed at me, angry tears rolling down his cheeks.

“I act more grown up than you do.” I say back. I don’t yell or shout.

“You are a fucking child. Sarah is more grown up than you are.” He snaps at me with a vicious tone.

“What did I do? You come into my house yelling at me and so far I haven’t heard a reason why.” I put my hands up in defense backing slightly away from the angered demon in my front hallway.

“You keep playing these fucking games. Confusing our daughter. Making her tell me things and not telling me yourself. You know exactly why I’m yelling at you. You don’t fucking get it.” He points a dirty finger in my face as he screams some more.

“I’m not the one doing that. You are. She comes home and tells me all these things that you hate that I do. That she can’t do this or that at my house. Yet you can’t get on the phone to tell me. Whose the child now?” I want to yell back, but I need to keep my cool. I cross my arms and stare at him as he has smoke spewing out his nostrils.

“I do no such thing. Your not allowed to tell her what to do at my house. It’s none of your business. You allow her to do things she shouldn’t be doing. I have a say in that.” He backs up in a huff.

“Did you not hear yourself? I can’t tell her what to do in your house, but you have a say in what she does at mine? Are you delusional?” I look at him with a dumbfounded look.

“She’s my daughter, she needs structure and you don’t give her that.”

“She’s my daughter too. She has structure here. I’m just not as strict as you are. She can actually have fun at my house.” I can feel my anger raising as my voice gets louder.

“You are impossible!”

“No, I’m right. And maybe if you came to me and treated me like a person, we could get down to the bottom of this.” I can’t stop the smirk reaching my face. “Now get out of my house. I’m sure with you screaming at me, Sarah has heard everything. I will have a bunch of questions to answer now.”

“That’s not my fault. If you would just do things the way I tell you too, we wouldn’t be in this position. If you would stop acting like a child and grow up.” He growls at me.

“This is my house, not yours. I have tried to accommodate you and work things out with you, but you don’t want to listen. You want everything your way. I’m done playing your games. You are too hard on Sarah and I’ll be damned if she’s not going to have at least one home she can relax in.” This time I get up in his face, as I take steps forward, he takes steps back, his back hitting the door.

“Now. Get the hell out of my house, unless you need me to call the cops.”

“This isn’t over.” He scowls before leaving out the door.

I follow him out the door and before he can get into his truck I shout, “Oh and keep your wife in fucking line. She is not the mother, I am.”

I don’t listen for a response as I slam the door shut. I lean back against it, sliding down the floor. This has been happening a lot more lately and I’m sick of it. I can never do anything right and he has to always be in my business. It shouldn’t matter to him what is going on at my house. Unless I’m hurting her, it is none of his business. I just wish he would understand that. I don’t know how much longer I can deal with this.

“Mom?” I hear a small voice come from the other end of the hall.

I look up and see my little girl standing there in her pj’s peaking around the corner at me. I can see that she’s been crying. There are stains running down her cheeks. She’s holding tightly to her llama with the pink bow. I open up my arms and she comes running, falling into my lap. I know how much she hate’s it that we argue. I don’t like to argue either, but sometimes there is nothing I can do. She snuggles into me, curled up in my lap.

“Why do you and daddy fight?” Her voice sounds so far away. It’s small and quiet.

“I’m sorry you had to hear that honey. I wish I could tell you why we fight. I don’t know myself. If I could figure it out, I would tell you.” I whisper to her before kissing the top of her head.

“I wish he wouldn’t get so mad at you.” I hear her sniffle and it breaks my heart.

“I wish he didn’t either, but there is nothing I can do. Nothing I do seems to make him happy. I try honey, I really do. But I would rather he yell at me, than yell at you later.”

I hold her close. My arms wrapped tightly around her. Hoping I am bringing her some comfort. I hope she knows she is safe in my arms. She acts worried about me, but I know she is scared of him. She tells me how he yells at her at his home. I hear all the time how she doesn’t want to be other there. I wish I could be a fly on the wall at her dad’s house, but unfortunately, I can’t do anything. They consistently tell people lies or say Sarah is lying. They make me out to be the bad guy. Without reason. I have no clue what I did wrong, but apparently I’m the one who needs to grow up.