One small Coke and a medium popcorn

I can’t tell if its dread or a full bladder that has my stomach in knots. Probably a combination of both. I can hold it. I don’t want to be that guy that gets up in the middle of the movie and scoots ass-in-face across a whole row, only to find the exit was on the side he came from. Plus I’d be too tempted to run. What is it about change that brings out the cowardice in us?

“Sorry. Excuse me, so sorry”.

Just like a convenient plot twist, our comedic relief character arrives, squeezing down the aisle like a stubborn bowel movement. Lisa politely sits side saddle and let’s him pass and Hannah is still small enough to avoid moving much , but me? My 200 pound ass is forced into a Mexican standoff. He’s a big fellow built like a bean bag chair, perfectly type cast as “guy who has to use restroom during pivotal scene”. He's overweight, clumsy, and dressed in an obnoxious orange polo, distressed, and ready to burst at the seams. His giant ass cheek rubs against my thigh as he passes. Most action I’ve had in the last year. Like with my wife, we avoid eye contact.

He smells like the cologne stand at a department store, and the thick musk catches me in a stranglehold. I fight back a sneeze. Whatever he’s wearing isn’t working as I waft a gnarly sweat stank hiding beneath the surface. Then I realize the stank is emanating from my own armpits. I’ve had the dread sweats all day. 48 hr protection? Complete bullshit. He continues down the row, over four more laps, reaches the end and realizes the exit was on the side he came from. Queue audience laughter. End scene.

I sit back down and reposition myself in a semi contorted fashion so A) the pressure is relieved from my bladder and B) I can’t smell the gnarly stench trying to escape from my underarms. As if this day couldn’t get any worse. I look to see if Hannah has noticed but she’s too enthralled by the action on screen. I watch her pile handfuls of popcorn into her mouth fistful after buttery fistful. She catches me looking and offers up the bucket. I decline and her eyes are right back to the screen. My eyes still linger.

I wonder if she knows? Come on, she’s thirteen of course she does. She’s not that sweet little innocent girl that needs her daddy’s protection anymore. Although she’s not quite a woman either. Somewhere caught in the middle I suppose. I’m afraid, no I’m terrified of how this will impact her life. You never set out to traumatize your child, but it seems its unavoidable. We’ve been dragging our feet about it for the past few months until Friday when Lisa said it was time. She thought a movie would cushion the blow, but I don’t know. Being here, I think it makes it worse. Our one tradition tarnished. I don’t want that. My guts turn inside out and perform cartwheels when I think about it. Man I really have to pee.

A loud bang pulls my focus out of the dark closet of my mind and back to the screen. I don’t even know what this movie is called let alone what it’s about. Nor do I care. Knowing it was Lisa’s turn to pick, I glean it’s some kind of run-of-the-mill romantic comedy. Two star crossed lovers, set in their ways, happening upon love until unforeseen circumstances pull them apart, complete with ailing parent and misconstrued notions. Blah, Blah, Blah. You’ve seen it. We’ve all seen it. You have to chuckle at the irony of her picking this movie.

On screen, a young blonde girl has just sat down next to a middle aged woman in a hospital bed. Check ailing parent off the Rom-Com cliché checklist. Using my movie deduction skills, I assume this her mother and she has just found out she has some type of terminal disease that comes at the worst time for our young protagonist. This means we’re nearing the third act twist so I guess there’s...15 or so minutes left? Shit. That means fifteens minutes until the lights come back on and it becomes a reality. I think I’m going to be sick. How does one word carry so much power? I've been avoiding saying it. Once it leaves your mouth it becomes real. Alright, stop! I have to remind myself to enjoy this moment. I don't know how many more there will be.

I lean over to Hannah and whisper what I think is going to happen next. One last tradition. It’s our little game. When she was younger she would look at me in astonishment when I was right. She would say that I saw the movie before and hit me on the shoulder. Lisa would get embarrassed and tell us to shush but we would keep laughing. The truth is when you’ve seen as many movies as I have, the structure is revealed. They’re all really the same story. I guess life is kinda that way too. Predictable. Honestly I’m a little burnt out from watching.

Orange polo guy has just started a stir at the end of the row, at least this time he’s coming in on the right side. He crawls over a granny knocking over her pocket book. The contents spill on the sticky floor. As I watch him fumble around picking up a compact mirror and the odd hard candy, I catch a glimpse of Lisa perfectly framed by the light of the screen. A soft yellow glow highlights her sharp features in warmth.

I admit I’ve been avoiding looking in her direction. I don’t think it’s because of contempt, I don’t know that I can really blame her. Sometimes life just moves too fast and two people get caught in different acts. I'm still stuck in the belly of the whale and she's on her journey home. One becomes an anchor and the other a sail. She looks good though. Red lipstick and a touch of rouge and mascara. I’m glad she put in the effort even if it’s not for me anymore. She’s played her part well. I wonder how long shes been acting? Regardless, she's a consummate pro. I commend her on her performance even if it does hurt. Oscar worthy indeed.

Her face is a blank canvass. She looks disinterested. She keeps fidgeting with her wedding ring, twisting it back and forth. Soon all that will show will be a thin white band of skin, that with time will fade into memory. Mine will feel like a phantom limb.

Just one last act as Husband and Wife. We’re nearing the climax.

Back on screen, the blonde girl, I think her name is Jane or Jenny, something with a J, has just found her love interest alone in a room with another woman. Right again, it’s too easy. Check misconstrued notions off the checklist. Hannah looks at me with a scrunched up face and knocks me on the shoulder. We laugh. Lisa stares blankly through the screen. I tell Hannah how its all going to end. Standard Hollywood blueprint, woman recieves news about a new opportunity, job, etc. in a new city and decides to take it only for her plans to be upended by love interest’s gesture of love. He tells her what she saw wasn’t what she thought it was. She realizes what she needed to and they live happily ever after. Hannah says “Wrong” with a devious grin. Does she know something I don't?

I question myself but I know I’m right. I have seen a few dozen of these movies over the years. Same theater, Same seats. It started when I was in my early twenties. I worked night shift so my social life was pretty stagnant. No prospects for the future, let alone anyone to spend it with. I started to go to the movies religiously every sunday. One small coke and a medium popcorn. An escape from the drudgery of life and peace from an overstimulated mind. Then Lisa showed up and instead of every sunday it became every other sunday. And one small coke and a medium popcorn became two small cokes and a large bucket. The experience became so much better, just like a movie does when you talk about it after, on the way out of the theater and the whole car ride home. She indulged me, whether it was bad sci-fi or wordy drama. Then Hannah was born and every other Sunday became the first Sunday of the month and guess what? The experience became even better. We laughed, cried, got frustrated, grew and bonded as a family. This is, was, our Sunday mass and Hanks, Aniston, Adams, Freeman, Dicaprio, and Pitt, they were our pastors. We learned from their struggles and they taught us about life. I used those stories to teach Hannah values and principles. Who would we be without them? And now...now it’s over. I just hope Hannah remembers these moments no matter what the next few years bring.

Act three is coming to a close. I know the ending is approaching rapidly. My pulse quickens.

This is it, the pivotal scene of the movie. Jane, I'm now sure that's her name, is about to leave her old life and venture into a new one but her love interest has just shown up. He pleads his case. She listens intently. Queue the somber romantic score. And.....

"Wrong. I told you so". Theres triumph in her voice.

"But..How did you know?"

"Sometimes things don't mean what they mean, you know?" I don't understand what she means.

I sit back dumbfounded and watch the blonde girl place a box on her new counter with a smile.

"Also I saw it with Sharon last tuesday", she adds.

The screen fades to black, credits roll, the house lights rise and my guts liquify. That was the fastest hour and forty minutes of my life. I guess it's time.

Lisa and hannah have already gotten up and are waiting to exit the row. I'm still sitting here, biding my time and sinking into the seat cushion. Hannah always knows more than she let's on.

Outside, Lisa and Hannah scurry into the restroom. I pop in myself but after a few nervous dribbles, I give up and head back to the lobby to wait. Lisa is there.

When did it become so awkward to stand by her? I take up a position at a distance suitable for future ex's. I don't know what to do with my hands so I shove them in my pockets. Seconds drag by. I flirt with the idea of asking her about the movie but decide against it. 

"Fifteenth anniversary" she says shattering the silence. I don't understand what she means until she points at a movie poster on the wall. "Can't believe it's been that long. That was our...third date right?" She says. I pretend to try to remember but I know it was.

"I think so", I say.

"You think it holds up well? The movie?"

"I doubt it. For all its flaws, it's still a fun movie though"

"Maybe a remake one day?"

"It will never be as good as the original"

Sometimes things don't mean what they mean. Hmmm.

She turns to look at me. Her eyes betray her stoicism. Is it possible that this is as hard for her as it is for me? Maybe shes not the actor I made her out to be.

"Listen, I can tell her by myself if you want or.."

"Together", I meet her face to face, "Its only right she hears it from both of us"

"Mark, I'm.."

"Hey", hannah says catching us off guard. Everytime I look at her she seems older. Her sheen of innocence is wearing off. The story must come to an end. Credits are about to roll.

Lisa starts "Hey, listen Han, your father and I ... we have to tell you..."

"Can we go get some ice cream or something? I don't really want to go home yet"

In the rare instance of your teenager daughter asking you to do something as a family, you always say yes.

"You know, I think your father probably wants to go home. He works in the morning and..."

"No, No I'm good." My voice raises an octave and I have to flatten it down a pitch. "But your mom, um its up to her". I think my answer catches lisa off guard. She takes a measured beat to consider the right response. What is the right response?

"Well, mom?" Hannah is vicious.

Still contemplating, she chews the inside of her lip.

"Ok. Yeah, I could go for some rocky road." She shoots me a glance. "Teaberry, right Mark?" I respond with a nod.

Life isn't a movie and it doesn't follow a script. It can wait for another day. Let's not ruin the tradition. I put my arm around Hannah as we leave the theater.

"Dad?"

"Yeah?"

"You really need some deodorant."