Three Generations

CW: Child abuse

My stepson Damon who is 3 years old is my twin flame. When he talks, it feels like my tiny self talking. I learnt a lot from my interaction with him. I healed from my childhood trauma within a year of meeting him. I understood how horrible both my parents were after analyzing his mom. In the next few paragraphs, I will talk about Damon, his Dad and his Granddad.

Damon:

Damon’s mom is a very selfish person. She cares more about her life than Damon’s life. When she was breastfeeding Damon, she was also drinking alcohol. She has the habit of treating people like slaves (shouting at them) and breaking cups when things don’t go her way.

When Damon was an infant, instead of playing with him, she left him alone in a play pen. His father played with him but he didn’t have enough time as he was working 3 jobs to keep his and Damon’s bellies full. Unable to put up with Damon’s mom, Damon’s dad started living separately from them. The court gave partial custody to Damon’s dad. He sees his dad on the weekends. During weekdays, his mom drops him at a daycare everyday for 10 hours each day. He spends most of his time with other little children. As a result, he is constantly guarding his todays and pulling them away from the other kids when they take them. This insecurity traumatized him. Even in the little time he spends with his mom, she either shouts at him or beaks things making the home environment very chaotic. As a result, Damon got traumatized. As a coping mechanism, he eats too much, talks non-stop and sees everybody (except his family) as an enemy. He was never reciprocative of my love. I used to have the exact same coping mechanisms. He will end up exactly like me if he doesn’t change his behavior. He will never be able to trust others. That will destroy him. I will do as much as possible to convey this to him nicely.

Damon’s dad:

Damon’s dad also doesn’t have much time for Damon. He works a lot at night and sleeps during day time (even on the weekends). He brings Damon home and then goes to bed. He wakes up only when it is time to drop him off. I asked him to spend more time with his son. He didn’t listen to me. He is exactly like my dad. My dad felt that I was a burden to him. He never had any time for me. The only time I saw him was when he dropped me off at school. At home, he constantly sat in front of a computer. My mom didn’t like it. She used to fight with him everyday. I grew up in chaos. My father used to react to her yelling by breaking things. My heartbeat used to skyrocket when he broke things. I have a lot of anxiety as a result. When mom married my stepfather, my father called each and every one in the telephone directory and told them that his ex-wife cheated on him. He is a brainless narcissist.

Damon’s grandfather:

Damon’s grandfather is worse than Damon’s father. When Damon’s father was little, he chased him and terrorized him. He used to make him read novels at the age of 5. As a result, Damon’s father built an aversion towards school. He dropped out of high school and started doing minimum wage jobs. Damon’s grandfather reminds me of my mom. My mom is so evil. She treated me like a dog. I was a burden to her. She used to make me cry and then hit me for crying. Though I worked very hard for my academic performance, she constantly compared me with others and constantly told that I was not good enough. She shouted at me each and every minute. She told many times that she wished that she never gave birth to me.

She used to shout at me every single time she saw my face. I used to study all the time. However, she suspected that I wasn’t studying at all. She used to guard me constantly. She wouldn’t even let me use the bathroom peacefully.

Once, she didn’t find money in my wallet. She assumed that I watched a movie. She didn’t believe me when I told that I ate two ice creams with it. She called me names and yelled at me. She then went to the store to check on the cost of ice cream.

Once, my stepfather called me “ugly”. Instead of slapping him, she joined him in bullying me. I shouted back at him. She was so angry with me. She couldn’t sleep the entire night. She kept waking me up and yelling at me. In the morning, as soon as I opened my eyes, she slapped me. She called me a poisonous insect. She called me many names and yelled at me for half an hour. She demanded what right I had to hurt a pristine man like him.

After 4 years, she got to know that he had been cheating on her for the entire 4 years. She never apologized to me for calling me a poisonous insect. She never stopped yelling at me. Finally, at 22, I left mom and came to America.

I thought that all my problems came to an end but that was just the beginning of a new set of problems. I was also as rude as my mom. I gave hate to others. I could never make friends at work. So, I used apps to connect with people. First I met women. They didn’t like me and left me. Then I met men. I thought that they would do the same thing. However, they were cuddling me, kissing me, and having intense skin to skin contact with me. That was new to me. My mom hardly touched me. These men were giving me a lot of love. I liked it.

As I am also a human being, I started developing feelings for them. However, nobody wanted to date me. It took me a couple years to finally find someone who would date me. I got pregnant shortly and gave birth to a daughter. I then started living with his parents to help me with babysitting.

There I met my second twin flame. He is my then boyfriend’s younger brother. He isolated himself from others and stayed in his room most of the time. I used to be exactly like mom. My mom kept me imprisoned in my room and forced me to study all the time.

My then boyfriend cheated on me. I was heartbroken. I never loved anybody before him. He was my first love. I constantly thought about it and couldn’t pay much attention to my daughter. Now, thinking back, I feel very guilty for not spending more time with my daughter.

Soon, I also started dating some other man. I left my daughter in the care of her grandparents. I see her once every week. I got a job in Connecticut (where she lives). When I told my current boyfriend (Damon’s dad) about it, he cried. I felt sorry for him. At the same time, I felt happy. Nobody cried for me before.

I left to Connecticut to stay with my daughter. However, on the very first day of employment, I left my job and came running back to Massachusetts. I then began feeling very guilty for choosing him over my daughter.

Finally, it took me ten years after leaving mom to heal from my trauma. I healed after taking the following three decisions:

1) Going back to my daughter.

2) Trying to be the opposite of my mom and dad.

3) Treating every single person I talk to like my own child.