What happens with too much time on your hands

It's been raining for over two weeks. Sometimes hard, all day, the kind of heavy rain that makes you , “is it light enough so I can get out of the car, go inside without getting soaked, because I really have to pee”? Sometimes just misty, but definitely no sun. No golf for that time. My usual group of four tried an indoor golf facility, All Day Golf. It was boring, and had no life. Didn't even have a 19th hole for beer afterwards. There is something about golf, being outside in all types of weather, that makes golfing wonderful, most of the time. So, with time on my hands, I have decided to list a few categories of golfers I meet at the local Muni.

Ham and Eggers

My favorite. There to play golf in an efficient manner. This group is golf’s passionate “weekend warrior”, but can be seen any day of the week. They have a decent skill level and they play a lot of golf. They can be any age. They know the rules, both written and unwritten, like No Talking while others are about to swing a club, no walking ahead, or on your putting line. Good golfers to play alongside. You know they will be efficient, polite, and skillful, and that the round will move quickly, well, except for other groups. They also fix their divots, and depressed landing spots on the greens. Some use a golf cart, some carry their bag, some have a push cart. And definitely no alcohol until after golf.

Pretenders

They think they are pros. Dress like Pros, act like pros, I wished they were as accurate as Pros. Probably the most irritating action of any Pretender is excess swings. Will take three to four practice swings, behind the ball but not facing the hole, then move up to their ball, take another 3-5 swings. Will check a putting line from all four sides, and will do so twice if they think they can get away with it, including multiple practice swings. They are very irritating, because they hold up the group they are in, as well as those behind. Not that they care. Otherwise, look for white pants, white belts, sunglasses upside down and backwards on a golf cap.

Hercules

Thinks he (exclusively male category) can hit any green under 300 yds in one swing. Usually doesn't. Often sends second shots way over the green. Constantly trying to go over the trees on a dogleg hole (for non golfers, a hole where you cannot see the green from the tee). Only occasionally makes it. Doesn't understand course management, which is adjusting the club you use to overcome problems. Blasting past one usually leads to double bogies (two or more over par)

Techies

Always has the newest and (so-called) best equipment. Sometimes twice a year. Clubs, balls, clothes, tees, anything he hears about that is Game Improvement. Tries do make the clubs do tricks he has seen Pros do, and doesn't understand just because some people can make the clubs perform miracles, not everyone can. Some have started using the new, motorized, self driving push carts.

Out for fun

Social players. Having fun is the only significant reason they play. This golfer doesn’t keep score, doesn’t compete against others. Kind of knows how to play, occasionally hitting a good shot or two. There to have fun, and usually brings a friend or two, and talk and talk, and drink all round. Once every month, or every other month players

Rodneys

Think Caddyshack, just not as funny. An infrequent and casual player that is very, very low on the talent scale. If they (and you ) are lucky, their shot may go 50-75 yards. You are even luckier if it goes that distance towards the green, often it flies that distance, but sideways. IF they know golf etiquette, they rarely follow it. Often found in creeks and deep rough, looking for either their lost ball or other lost souls to resupply with. They don't understand it is bad form to ask a new met partner to borrow a ball, because “I have lost all mine”. Sometimes just new golfers.

Teacher groups

My local course lets One person in a foursome teach the other golfers all aspects of playing, as long as they pay, and have the 5 club minimum. Sadly, the group goes to each ball hit, the teacher discusses course management, hits a comparison ball, then guides each player through their shot. Ad nauseum, thru the round. Our group calls the golf pro shop, to get the ranger to help us play past the teacher group , while they wait. Words have been exchanged

Women

I wish more women played golf. First, it cuts down on the farting between men. Women are usually very accurate, almost always hitting the fairways but are short hitters. Many Men can't distance drive like the Hercules players, but that is why you get different lofts on your clubs- so you can adjust for distances. They are polite, have and use manners, and are great golf partners.

Real Players

This group is the real deal. Excellent players. Always good shots, often par or birdy a hole. Unlike the Hercules group, Real Players can usually hit a green under 300 yards. They fix their divots, compliment you on your good shots, dont say anything about thiers

After 16 days, it finally stopped raining. It was still cloudy, but no rain was very good. It meant possible future golf, especially since the forecast was for sun later in the week. My group called the Muni Pro shop, to offer help. There is one point on the course that gets flooded with up to 4 feet of water. The day we called, it had Five. They have to stretch several hundred feet of hose from the low point to move the water away, and can always use free help. There is also cleaning up sticks, rocks, and anything else that made its way to the greens and fairways.

They had to run two 4 inch mud pumps for two days to clear all the water from the low point. By that time, all the helpers had the course in decent shape, picking up sticks and rocks, as well as rescuing course amenities like ware stations and jiffy jihns. We did have to shovel some mud off one green, and after most of that was done, the course maintenance workers gently worked the rest of it off so as not to damage the green.

On the third day, I stepped out of my house, on the way to the Muni, in the blazing sunshine. The course didn't open until 9, to give the maintenance crew time to check it over, let uit dry more, and fine-tune if needed. Those of us that had helped had already been written in as starting first.