Echoes Among the Stars

I feel like I have forgotten something. Something. Something. No, that doesn’t feel quite right, does it? Is it perhaps someone? But who? Wait, is it actually someone? Maybe it is something? No. I keep going in circles, my thoughts are nothing but an endless spiral, always coming back to the place they originated from. Where I originate from. What am I even thinking of? I keep getting trapped in this feeling of longing, it's been stuck to me like a shadow since, well, since I can remember. My train leaves in 1 hour so I need to finish making my sandwiches in ten if I don’t want to miss the train. Although an incomplete sandwich would probably match my being a lot more. Enough! I need to focus but my mind keeps escaping from my grasp. I don’t really like long train rides, especially not when the train is divided in cabins, I feel like it makes everything a lot more awkward. Like everyone can see what I’m thinking. I don’t like feeling transparent, I prefer the feeling of a being an unclear question. Here I go again, I need to learn to pause my thoughts from time to time and just enjoy the moment, or that is at least what my mom says. Guess someone is going to be slightly disappointed when she meets me tomorrow and realizes that my bad habits have firm roots. Okay, done. Should I wrap it in aluminium or put it in a lunch box? No, aluminium is better my bag is already pretty full and I don’t have time to wash my lunch box now. Do I have everything? Let’s see; keys, clothes, toothbrush, phone, charger, headphones, yeah that should be all. Okay, time to run.

I almost missed the train because of a red light. Let me see cabin 5, was it? Hopefully there isn’t a lot of people, it would be awkward if they can see how out of breath I am. My fingers are frozen on the handle, I know I need to go in, but I just need to mentally prepare for a few more seconds. I hate being stuck in closed spaces with strangers, but I need to get over these feelings if I want to have a less anxious life. Okay time to go in. The door slowly opened in front of me, revealing an almost empty cabin with the exception of one person sitting by the window, reading the biggest book I have ever laid my eyes upon. Half of their body seemed to almost be swallowed by the book. Realising that I had been standing by the door for a few more seconds than normal I panicked a bit and hurried over to the seat on the opposite side of the window. Everything is fine, let’s pretend that we are really interested in the scenery, just keep looking out the window. I wonder what food my mother will surprise me with once I get there. Did I turn off the light in my bedroom? I can’t remember if I did. I guess I can just hope I did. Wow, that tree over there is really beautiful! I wonder how long it took for it to get to that point. Once it was nothing but a seed, and now it is strong, firm and majestic almost.

The person in front of me has been sighing the whole train ride, normally I would go crazy over repetitive small sounds in the background, but this atmosphere is actually quite nice, it almost feels like I have gone back to a routine I never had before. The sounds of the turning pages almost feel warm and comforting when combined with the sighing, or maybe the warmth is simply coming from the calming sun rays finding this cabin, a perfect place to rest. I wonder what the stranger is reading. Would it be weird to sneak a peak to the title? No, it should be fine as long as I don’t stare at it right? Let’s see “The book of constellations and astronomy: a perfect book for star lovers” constellations? Who would want to actually read something like that? Especially on a train and with such perfect posture. I wonder what is out there, in the universe that is, where nothingness and infinity cross paths. Is it not insane that the stars I see during the night are lightyears away and still they bring some sense of surreal feeling whenever I look at them? When I die, I hope my soul can take a trip through the galaxies, maybe then I will feel completely content when I finally can be surrounded by infinity. Maybe then I can close this open gap in my soul that is searching for something that has been missing. The stars will show me the way, as they always bring me the feeling that I have been here before. Star lovers, huh? Maybe I can become one of those to. Maybe then I can finally find the answer, the answer to this question that I still don’t know, yet can’t seem to get rid of. Star lover, is that what I am?

Hold on, have I been tapping my finger on the glass the whole time? I bet the person in front is irritated now. Should I make a quick glance to see if they seem irritated? But I can’t see their face. I wonder if it’s someone I know, I don’t know, a part of me says that we know each other but their build doesn’t seem familiar. Maybe if I can see their face? Oh, they are moving, act normal. Okay, the book is down. Should I look? Yeah, I shall. A stranger. A complete stranger, I have never seen that face not ever. Maybe I was just overthinking everything. A pair of brown eyes drowning in sunlight were looking at me and then suddenly, they moved to the backpack beside them. A package of gum was suddenly in their hands and after taking out one piece of gum the package got closer to me. “Would you like some gum” a warm smile was emitting from this stranger but weirdly, I felt at ease. I smiled back and said “oh, thank you” as my fingers found their way into the bag, I started to struggle with getting a firm grip of any piece. They are probably going to think I’m taking too much time now. Finally, I got a piece in my hands and looked up at the eyes in front of me. A few seconds of awkward silence followed until we both cracked a smile and started laughing. Wow, how right this whole scene was. I felt like this is how my life was supposed to be this whole time. Like we have spent a million moments together at some point. Like we’ve been here before, but that can’t be. I don’t even know their name yet. But it feels like my soul already knows theirs. Maybe we meet out there once among the stars and got lost again, only to find each other here at a corner of the universe. We stopped laughing and I could not resist the urge not to ask, so I collected every inch of confidence I had and so we both asked at the same time “sorry, have we met before?”