Breaking Ties

We saw him at the same bar, sitting in the same stool, probably just got out of the same cell. He didn’t even look up when we walked in. His back was to us, hunched on the stool over a beer can as if protecting it. His head twitched to the side every so often, the blond hair on top looked so thin it looked like it may fall off at any moment.

I could feel heat emanating from my brother, the adrenaline rushing through his body causing twitching in his fingers. I zipped up my jacket as goosebumps sent a cold shiver over me. His eyes were gray-blue, usually clear and open like a bright winter sky. Today they were hard like ice that had been sharpened by windburn. My eyes were a deep brown that held deep secrets. I took a deep breath in, more exhausted than anything else. My brother held a grudge of intense fire that ignited his mood and behavior. I was indifferent to the man we approached. The world was full of strangers to me, this was just another one. My brother demanded action. I had no such desire. But, my loyalty to my brother often took me to places I would not stray to on my own.

My brother walked up to the bar and kicked the stool next to the man drinking out of the beer can. The man whose DNA flowed in our veins, the man who was more concerned with the drink in hand than his surroundings, the man who disappeared once our lives began.

The stool knocked into the man and he slowly turned around. His head twitched as he turned and his gray-blue eyes darted back and forth. He took a big drink from the can and his gaze settled in our direction. His eyes were pointed towards us, but they looked through us into another place.

You could see the physical similarities right away between him and my brother. The hair, the eyes, the face shape. The worst human version of my brother possible. The similarities to me were more mental. The indifferent gaze, the lack of passion for most anything in life save one thing. For me, my brother was the only thing I bothered to care about. For him, it was the next drink, the next hit, the next fix, the next trip in silver bracelets.

The man lifted his drink to take another sip. It sprayed foam on his ripped gray t-shirt as my brother slapped it out of his hand. It fell to the ground creating a pool on the floor. The man’s face contorted in anger and he opened his mouth to yell. Before he could, his face contorted again, this time into confusion, his mouth closed as he looked down at his chest. He put a hand to his heart, crimson blood spread staining his thin shirt. His gaze focused into full clarity for a brief moment. He saw a smoke trail dancing between himself and us. A pool of yellow beer crashing into a growing pool of red blood. Two pieces of himself walking slowly away from him. His vision went black as his head bounced off the bartop and body slumped onto the floor, one leg still caught inside the stool.

“We should have made him suffer.” My brother was still heated as we left. I think he expected a release of the tension he’s held tight over the years.

“This ain’t a movie. We crossed a task off the list, that’s all. Now we move on.” I wiped off my hands, face and weapon, then tossed the rag in the trash can. I took off my jacket and tossed it off the bridge into the river.

“We should tell mama.” My brother watched the river, flowing south away from the city.

“We already went over this.” I said too tired to reiterate to him again the need for silence. “But, do whatever you want.”

I keep walking. Back to the apartment and boring night shifts at the bar for me. My brother would return to his family back east. I’ll save up and take the girls on a shopping spree at the end of the year. He’d buy them anything they needed so it wasn’t worth me trying to find another gift they’d actually use. I look over to see him on his phone. Probably checking in with the wife. She’d be home, waiting for him. His train was leaving in a couple hours.

There would be an investigation, a quick one that local sheriffs would be too lazy to look into in earnest. They would chalk it up to a disagreement with a dealer. The laundry list on his rap sheet would build an adequate story to support such an ending.

“Be safe. Tell the wife I say ‘Hey’.” I wave as we approach the train station ready to part ways. He hesitated, and looked at me expectantly.

“You should have let me do it.”

“The grudges never end. There will be plenty of opportunities to release that pent up rage. Just be mindful, you have a family to care for. They are affected by your actions too.” I take a deep breath.

“I’m here to help, with whatever you need. I can tell you that feeling that makes your body hot and mind crave reaction never goes away. Until you simply allow it to float away.” I tried to not sound like a philosopher.

His hands twitched again at his sides. He stared down at the pavement between us. A red line that indicated the path to trains 7-10 cut in the middle of us. He reached his hand over the line. I took it in one hand and clasped it over again with my other hand.

“The little one was asking about you and the beach. I forgot to tell you earlier. She’s never even been to the beach.” My brother looked me dead in the eye. The clear skies returned, but there was a seriousness in his face that called in the favor of my loyalty.

“I’ll come visit soon.” I was glad to see the hardness leave his eyes. His palms still seemed hot and sweaty, but they warmed my cold hands.

I stayed with him until the train arrived. We got snacks from the vending machine and watched people walk back and forth.

“You think they're a couple or siblings?”

“Siblings, they got the same hair color and that round nose.”

“Hold on, hold on. Watch that dog. There!” I pointed almost behind us.

The dog took some soft steps looking warily at the girl on the bench and the people walking by. It snatched a bite of the pizza on the bench as the girl was buried in her phone. Then pranced away into the crowd waiting at the bathrooms.

We laughed as the train pulled in and my brother crossed the yellow line onto the train. I started walking before the last car pulled away, over the red line back up the stairs.